


Written in the Stars

by AmberNotes (orphan_account), mollieblack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Collaboration, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Drinking, Drinking Games, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Reality, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:22:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11819217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AmberNotes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollieblack/pseuds/mollieblack
Summary: Dan and Phil are friends. Best friends. Coworkers. Flatmates. Partners. They're just about everything two people can be, but they're not together. No, they're just platonic friends, which is why Dan's sudden obsession with Phanfiction throws everything off balance.Can Dan’s writing become a reality?(A collaboration between AmberNotes and MollieBlack)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This fic had to be ended a bit short because one of the authors had to leave the site. If you look at the last chapter there's an explanation. I still believe that it's a worthwhile fic to read, I'm very proud of it and I don't think it's really left off at a cliffhanger, but just so you know it doesn't have an ending conclusion.   
> -mollieblack

Dan - AmberNotes

Phil - MollieBlack

Dan knows that it's probably wrong, but he can't help but be drawn to the idea of fanfiction. He chalks it off to it being a creative outlet, a way to express himself without the world seeing as they would with his videos. That way just happens to involve writing stories about himself and his platonic best friend, Phil Lester. He's not sure how the obsession started, but it's gotten to the point where it's near irreversible. That thought is both terrifying and exciting. But Dan finds it mostly exciting.

 

Phil is up late. He doesn’t know why, he just can’t seem to fall asleep. Probably that latte he’d had at 7pm… curse him and his late night caffeine cravings. He tosses and turns, pulling out his phone and checking twitter, then tumblr, then twitter again. Finally he decides there’s no way he is going to fall asleep just laying in his bed, so he stands up, stretches, and makes his way out to the lounge. He knew it was ridiculous to be up and about at near 4am, but he just strolls through the house, hoping that wandering around might tire him out. What stops him is the sound of soft clicking coming through Dan’s door, surprising him. Is Dan really awake at this hour?

 

Dan’s mind is whirling with ideas and storylines as he fingers type out his thoughts. Normally, he would be concerned with the amount of noise his outdated keyboard is making, but not tonight. He finally managed to pull himself out of a recent writing dry spell, and he's thrilled with the idea of beginning a new fanfiction. So he types away, smiling as his fingers fly over his loud keyboard at nearly four in the morning.

 

Phil leans his ear against Dan’s door, listening closer to make sure he’d heard correctly, and Dan wasn’t snoring peacefully in his room. He doesn’t want to wake his friend, but if he’s already awake, well... they may as well be awake together. After a few moments Phil is sure, and he raises a hand to tentatively knock on the hardwood of Dan’s door. “Hello?” Phil whispers, still hesitant, not wanting to invade his friend in the middle of the night. “Are you still up?”

 

Jumping at the quiet sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door, Dan pulls his earbuds out. Frowning slightly, he waits until he hears a second knock and a timid voice before realizing that his friend must be up. Confused, and appalled by the fact that Phil is awake, Dan forgets to close out of the tab containing the fanfiction he's currently writing.

 

Not hearing a reply, but hearing the clicking stop, Phil tries once more. “Hello? Dan… I’m coming in…” he waits a few minutes, and then slowly creaks the door open, peeking in to make sure Dan isn’t naked, then opening the door fully. “Hey. Sorry, I can’t fall asleep. Why are you still up? You writing a new script?” Phil walks over towards Dan, looking to the computer in curiosity. They always helped each other edit scripts, and it looked like Dan had opened to a text document. He just wants to help his friend.

 

Dan lets out a quiet hum, nodding. “Yeah, I had a new video idea and I thought that I should write it down before I forgot.” The lie slips off of his tongue easily enough, and Dan offers Phil a smile. “I told you not to have any caffeine. At least you've finished those stupid coffee beans.” Shaking his head, Dan scoots over, patting the space beside him in an invitation.

 

“Shut up.” Phil whines fondly, but he takes the seat he is offered and looks over the text on the bright screen illuminating their faces in the midst of the night. His face starts off curious, but gets more skeptical as it goes. “What video is this for? Is it a joke? Dan… I don’t think it’s a good idea to make fun of our viewers like that… sure if you write a really over the top piece it’s taken as satire, but this seems like a serious piece of work… it might insult them. Anyways, why do you need to write fanfiction for a video, do you have one coming up you haven’t told me about?”

 

The moment Dan realizes his mistake, his face flushes a dark red color. Quickly switching out of the tab that holds his fanfiction, Dan hurries to explain himself. “Do you think it's too serious? I- You're right, maybe I should exaggerate the storyline or something . . .” Dan trails off, mind spinning as he tries to find words to justify his actions. “I, um, had an idea for a sequel video to _The Urge._ Our fans seemed to love that video; it got a lot of attention. Do you think that's an okay idea?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Should I make a sequel to _The Hand_? That way we both do them, like we did last time? We just need to be careful, remember how last time we were so careful not to really make it romantic, and to make it a clear satire so they wouldn’t get offended? I don’t know… could I take another look at what you have? Was it really a sequel, it seemed pretty different.” Phil leans over Dan’s shoulder as he stares at the desktop wallpaper, pressing into Dan as he urges him to re-open the fic for Phil to take a look.

 

Somehow, Dan manages to turn a deeper shade of red. “Um, not right now. It's not finished yet, and I still need to edit it . . .” Shifting away from Phil slightly, Dan moves to delete the tab. Not wanting to erase his work, but also not wanting Phil to read the most definitely _not_ platonic fanfiction, Dan's cursor hovers over the red X. “I'll let you read it once it's finished, okay?”

 

“Well, do you need some editing tips?” Phil asks with a wink, leaning forward as Dan shifts away, giving Dan his best wink, which ends up as an uncomfortable blink. He shrugs it off, used to being a little awkward, and begins to think. “You know what, last time they weren’t romantic at all, what if this time we made them just over the top, disgustingly, drippingly sweet? That could be fun contrast, and you know the fans would eat it up!” Phil grins at Dan, happy with his idea, still leaning into the space that Dan had tried to create for himself, hyped up on the caffeine and sugar from hours ago.

 

“What?” Dan’s voice squeaks slightly, and he clears his throat before continuing. “Phil, they would never let it go. They already think that we're secretly married, sleep in the same bed, and fuck on a nightly basis.” Dan points out, his eyebrows arching. _He's just joking, surely. He can't actually be serious about this._ Despite his doubt, Dan can't help but be interested in the idea. It would most definitely drive their fan base insane, but it could be fun. Still, it's definitely a risk. One that Dan isn't sure he's willing to take.

 

“Well, then we give them what they want! That’s why we haven’t told them we’re not together anyways, right? So they can still hold onto that hope. I, for one, don’t want to break millions of fangirls’ hearts! They deserve something, and since we can’t give them anything real, why not give it to them in fiction! I think it’s a great idea!” Phil grins triumphantly, already thinking about what his romance mini-novel will be about. “We can’t be cruel, though. It can’t be really us… not us in _real_ life… that’d lead to too many speculations about whether it’s reflecting real life or not. But we can make people based off us, and… aww, Dan, it’ll be so cute, please!” Phil makes his best puppy dog eyes at his best friend, pulling on Dan’s sleeve and pouting his lower lip out, eyes pleading behind his glasses.

 

Dan places his hand over his heart, letting out an overly dramatic gasp. “Philip Michael Lester, are you suggesting we _do_ fuck? I mean, for the fangirls. Since you're so interested in fan service.” Dan laughs at Phil's expression, feeling himself relax slightly. Maybe it could be an okay idea, as long as they establish some boundaries. It _would_ be fun to write, and even more fun to watch their fans react to. Sighing, Dan finally moves back towards Phil, smiling faintly. “I guess we might as well try it. But if I wake up in the morning and find out that you've drugged me or something to get this answer, I'll hack you and delete your writing!” Dan threatens, playfully waggling a finger at Phil.

 

“Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!” Phil yelps in victory, holding his hands up in little fists, a smile gracing his face. “And I don’t think I’m _that_ committed to fan service… I mean maybe, but nothing that they say I do in the things they write… I could never do that!” Phil attempts another wink at Dan and fails, then shudders at the thought of some of what he’s read about himself doing to Dan, amazed that their viewers really think that he could ever be anything like how they write him to be. “So… I think I’m going to write mine about mermaids. You’ll be a mermaid and I’m a sailor. You’re supposed to marry the mermaid princess but we fall in love and you teach me how to swim, and eventually we find a way to get you legs, and we live happily ever after!” Phil goes into one of his ‘thought trances’ as Dan calls them, looking out into the distance as he concocts a crazy idea in his brain.

 

Dan snorts, the unceremonious noise hiding the faint blush rising in his cheeks. “Well, you've obviously given this idea a lot of thought. I think mine will be more realistic, but still horrifyingly sappy and cliché.” Pausing for a moment, Dan grins as an idea comes to him, his dimples appearing as he smiles. “Ooh, maybe I could write a coffee shop AU! But I would be punk Dan, and you would be Frederico Fog, or whatever your pastel name is. The fans would hate me for writing you as the shy little pastel.” Laughing quietly, Dan shakes his head to himself as he warms up to the idea.

 

“Frederico Cloud, thank you very much!” Phil giggles, leaning against Dan’s shoulder. “Why would they hate you for writing me as shy? You really know a lot about fanfiction culture don’t you?” Phil giggles as he leans back, content to finally be _doing_ something, rather than just sitting in bed, staring at the ceiling. “You’re a good friend, Dan.” he announces, suddenly. “Thanks for stalking me on twitter ages ago.”

 

Dan sets his laptop down, craning his neck to look down at Phil. “You're not bad yourself.” He jokes, but his laughter comes out sounding slightly forced, the noise sticking in his throat as Phil leans his head against his shoulder. Phil's hair is tickling the skin above Dan’s collarbone, and he brushes away the dark strands with a quiet huff. Feigning annoyance, but still smiling, Dan adds, “Don't you dare fall asleep on me again. Remember when you did that on the tour bus, and I messed up my back because I had to sit there for _hours_ waiting for you to wake up? Let's not do that again.” Despite his words, Dan’s tone is fond, and he doesn't move to push Phil off of him.

 

“I’ll stay here as long as I please, thank you! You’re the one who invited me in, Danny, it’s not going to be so easy to get rid of me!” Phil giggles as he nudges himself a bit closer to Dan, finally starting to feel the effects of being up all night. “You know… falling asleep on you actually sounds pretty nice right now… you’re cozy…” Phil takes a deep breath, letting his eyelids flutter shut as a small, contented smile tickles his lips. “I think we should _absolutely_ do that again.”

 

“You're an idiot.” Dan groans, but a smile is tugging at the corners of his mouth. With a resigned sigh, Dan sets his laptop down on his bedside table and shifts so that Phil's chin isn't digging uncomfortably into his shoulder. “Take your glasses off.” He mumbles, laying back and allowing Phil to nuzzle into him. Grumbling something about Phil being lazy, Dan pulls his monochrome duvet up over the two of them. They've shared beds in the past, and Dan grudgingly admits to himself that he rather likes the feeling of Phil snuggling into his side. His best friend is warm, and Dan finds himself wrapping an arm around him and mumbling a tired goodnight.

 

Phil loves the way that he slots right into his best friend’s side, and he hums sleepily as he sandwiches Dan’s leg between his own. He nuzzles his nose into the crook of Dan’s neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply as he began drifting off to sleep. “You’re gonna be such a pretty mermaid.” he mumbles, and then the blackness takes over, and Phil is asleep.

  
Dan smiles at Phil's remark, watching as his best friend falls asleep. Admiring his unconscious face for a moment, Dan feels a faint rush of affection wash over him. He drifts off a few moments after Phil does, falling asleep with the familiar scent of raspberries and coffee- of _Phil_ -in his thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - MollieBlack
> 
> Strap yourselves in, this is a long one :D

When Dan first wakes up, he's confused. Vague, hazy memories of his dreams invade his thoughts, and he smiles, unconsciously pulling the warm body beside him closer. He nuzzles into the warmth, wrapping himself around it. After a moment of shifting uncomfortably, unable to escape back into his dreams, Dan blinks his eyes open. He frowns as he's met with the sight of an unconscious Phil, his brain still not willing to function yet. Finally, he snaps out of his daze. Dan's frown fades as he recalls what happened the night before, and for a moment he relaxes. Then the feeling of his tight pajama bottoms registers, and he blushes furiously, carefully trying to remove himself from Phil.

 

Phil wakes with a small start, the sudden cold shocking him into reality. He reaches out to the heatsource he’d been snuggling throughout the night and pulls it back to him, hugging it tight and wrapping his legs around it so it wouldn’t go away again. Phil likes the warmth, it comforts him and makes him feel safe. He doesn’t want the cold to take over. When he hears a sharp intake of breath, however, he looks up and right into the warm brown eyes of his best friend, wide in panic. Phil frowns for a moment. Sure, they’re cuddling, but why does Dan seem so distressed? It’s not like they haven’t shared a bed and woken up like this before. He lets go, though, shifting them slightly apart since Dan seems to be uncomfortable. That’s when he notices. As their legs brush apart, Phil feels what could only be one thing as it bumps against his thigh and hip, and he looks up into Dan’s eyes, surprised as Dan winces back.

 

His face flushed, Dan stifles a gasp as Phil's thigh brushes against his painfully hard erection. “I-” Dan stammers, his body feeling hot with embarrassment. “I'm gonna go to the bathroom.” His voice comes out slightly choked, and he hurries to get out of bed, trying and failing to hide the obvious tent in his pajama bottoms.

 

“Oh uh… yeah… I’ll um… start breakfast. Coffee?” Phil squeaks as he clambers out of Dan’s bed, his ankle getting caught in the duvet, almost making him fall. His mind is spinning in the haze of waking up. What was he supposed to do? Just act like it didn’t happen? Act like he didn’t notice? Yes… that was probably exactly what he was supposed to do. Without waiting for an answer, Phil darts out of the room, accidentally slamming the door behind him in his haste to escape.

 

As soon as Phil closes his door behind him, Dan breathes out a sigh of relief, scrubbing his hand over his face.  _ Oh my god, that was mortifying.  _ His face still warm with embarrassment, Dan awkwardly shuffles into his bathroom. He splashes some cool water onto his face in an effort to rid himself of his problem, but after a minute it becomes evident that it's not going away. Swearing under his breath, Dan starts the water in his shower, adjusting the temperature before stepping in. He cups a hand over his mouth in a futile effort to muffle the noises he's making, hurriedly taking care of himself. 

 

Phil is trying everything he can to get his mind off of what just happened. Usually in the Dan and Phil house, cereal and coffee is a staple breakfast. Not today. Today Phil is making waffles, bacon, sausages, toast, eggs, and even a berry compote to put over the waffles. He’s doing everything he can to distract, but all that keeps rushing through his mind are those wide brown eyes, panicked as they both came to the realization of what had happened the night before, and Phil is fairly certain his cheeks match the color of the raspberry compote he’s stirring. He hears the shower start and tries not to think of what’s happening in there, but you know what they say about trying not to think about something. It only makes you that much more aware. So Phil just stirs, flips, fries, and cooks the elements of breakfast, burning several things, but he doesn’t really care. He’s never claimed to be an excellent chef. He plates up two heaping piles of food when he hears the shower turn off, and brings them out to the table, along with two cups of coffee. He pours in just the amount of cream and sugar Dan likes, then follows with his own. He sits at the table and stares at his food, willing his mind to think of something,  _ anything _ other than waking up this morning. It doesn’t work.

 

The walk from Dan’s bedroom to their dining table suddenly feels much longer as Dan slips on a new pair of pajamas, mentally preparing himself to meet his best friend's gaze. He takes a seat across from Phil, silently taking a bite of waffle. The air between them is heavy with tension, and Dan finds himself missing the light, pointless conversations they usually have over breakfast. Finally, he forces himself to look up. He swallows as he glances at Phil, brown eyes locking with blue. “We,” Dan spears another piece of waffle on his fork, “Are never speaking of this again.”

 

“I mean… it’s okay, Dan. It happens. I don’t… mind.” Phil tries not to think too hard about how that sounds, trudging on in the painfully uncomfortable conversation. “I mean, it’s not like it was because of  _ me _ , it just… happened. I mean… I have that happen pretty often.”  _ God Phil, what are you DOING?  _ “I mean… like not  _ too _ often, but it happens.”  _ You’re digging yourself a hole. Just stop. Stop talking. _ “It could have just as easily been me this morning…” Phil brings his hands up to his mouth, covering it, preventing himself from spewing any more painfully awkward half-sentences at his best friend, sighing, and then shoving an entire, slightly-burnt egg into his mouth, so he couldn’t continue to talk.

 

Dan winces at the awkward, stilted words falling from Phil's mouth. He takes a deep breath, desperately trying to think of a way to improve the situation. An idea comes to him, and a smile slowly spreads across his face. “You know, if that  _ had  _ happened to you instead of me, I would still be laughing.” Teasing. Dan can do that. Beginning to feel more confident, Dan straightens up, mumbling around another mouthful of waffle. “This waffle is almost better than my wank.”

 

Phil sputters around his egg, choking as some of it falls down the wrong pipe, and coughing it back up onto his plate, gaping at his best friend. He was speechless. Had Dan  _ really  _ just said  _ that  _ of all things? “Um…” Phil mumbled, grasping for straws. “I put extra honey in the batter.” Ignore it. That’ll work. Phil can  _ feel _ the blush on his cheeks, his face practically burning as he moves the disgustingly slimy half-chewed egg to the side of his plate, squirming in his seat. He loves it when Dan is playful and teasing, but sometimes it takes him by surprise, and this was so blunt that he doesn’t know how to react, reaching up a tentative hand to brush the fringe out of his eyes.

 

“I'm joking.” Dan assures Phil, still grinning.  _ How far can I push this?  _ He wonders, stabbing a bit of egg on the end of his fork and absently twirling it. “Although, I'm not being entirely dishonest. It was  _ good,  _ with the warm water of the shower cascading down onto me . . .” Dan smirks, dissolving into a loud fit of laughter at Phil's horrified expression. “And-” He wheezes, trying to regain control of himself, “And the water made everything all slick . . .” He breaks off, unable to speak over his laughter anymore. His chest is shaking, crinkles forming around his eyes. Phil's expression is  _ perfect.  _ “I should tease you more often, if it gets this reaction.” 

 

“DAN!” Phil half-squeals, half scolds, in complete shock at his friend’s admission. He sits there, jaw agape for a while. “No you should not! Not unless… not unless you want to see my revenge!” Phil threatens, raising a balled fist, furrowing his eyebrows and trying to make the most ‘threatening’ expression possible. He watches as Dan just continues to laugh, and eventually he caves too. It’s impossible not to laugh when Dan laughs, his eyes getting all crinkly, and his dimples creating craters in his cheeks. “Shut up.” Phil mumbles softly, kicking Dan under the table, but he looks up through his eyelashes to see Dan laughing, and he can’t keep a straight face, a small smile taking over his lips.

 

Dan shakes his head, gently kicking Phil back in retaliation, but not hard enough to actually hurt his friend. “I would love to see you try to get revenge.” Dan smile grows, his dimples caving even farther into his cheeks. “Are you going to tell me about your most recent wank? Is that how you plan on getting revenge? Because, I hate to disappoint you, but I wouldn't really mind hearing you try to explain that.” Breaking into another fit of laughter, Dan leans back in his seat, his breakfast forgotten. Phil's face is a dark red-pink color, and his familiar blue eyes are wide. Dan knows that he has the upper hand, and he's happy flaunting that. 

 

Phil feels a surge of confidence rush through him. Dan wants to see him take his revenge? Oh, he’ll take his revenge. Phil loves these little moments, they don’t happen often, but when they do, they’re beautiful. Those times when Dan is so sure he’s won, but then Phil pulls one over on him, leaving Dan gaping. That’s the reaction he’s going to get right now, and no matter how awkward he feels, he is not going to let himself get in his own way. “Well…” Phil starts, pushing back from the table and getting to his feet, trying to feign nonchalance. “to tell you about a wank session…” He makes his way over behind Dan’s chair, relishing in the moment as he sees Dan freeze, caught off guard by Phil’s sudden confidence. “I’ll have to have a really good story, now won’t I?” Phil’s hands are on Dan’s shoulders and he’s leaned down, whispering directly into Dan’s ear, his lips tickling the soft skin and hair there. “So!” Phil pulls back with a grin on his face, not attempting a wink this time, because he knows it’ll kill his streak, “I guess I’d better go make something worthy of a story.” He shoots a grin over his shoulder before sauntering back to his room, internally screaming, but also patting himself on the back for the slack-jawed look of shock on Dan’s face as he leaves the room.

 

Dan's mouth falls open as an involuntary shiver runs down his spine. “ _ Philip Michael Lester!”  _ He squawks, ripping off a piece of toast and throwing it at Phil's backside. “Imagine what the fangirls would say if they could see you now!” He calls out, shaking his head as he stands up. His legs feels slightly unsteady, and Dan curses his body for betraying his shock. Unsure of exactly how to feel, Dan stacks Phil's plate on top of his own, carrying them to the sink. Phil's taunting words run through his head as he washes the plates off, nearly dropping one of them in the process. Phil rarely wins playful arguments like this, choosing to let Dan have the winning title, but when he does it almost always leaves Dan in a state of shock.

 

Phil grins as the door closes behind him, leaning against it, and allowing a soft chuckle to escape his throat. No, he’s not going to wank. But Dan will think he is, and now Dan gets to experience the sweet torture he had to go through this morning, hearing the shower running. Phil decides not to stop and think about how he’s essentially tricking his best friend into picturing him wanking, and instead decides to just pull up tumblr, deciding to go through what seems to be the theme of the day, looking up the ‘phan’ tag. He scrolls through art, theories, gifs, and fanfiction. He stops here and there to like or reblog a particularly good piece of art, and then stops once more when something catches his eye. It’s a fanfiction, a oneshot written by ‘poohbear09’, titled ‘Wine and Cheese’. That’s not what catches his attention, it’s the description; ‘ **_Dan and Phil are just friends. That’s all they are, that’s all they ever will be. But when a snooty couple criticizes their wine choice, Dan feels the need to stand up for him and his friend, and maybe they realize something about themselves along the way.”_ ** Phil pauses, his mouse hovering over the link. Something about this seems off. Just three nights ago, Dan and Phil had gone to an expensive restaurant, deciding to take a night to treat themselves. They’d torn through dinner, then ordered wine as they looked at the dessert menus. A couple at the next table had looked over, raising their eyebrows in disgust as they listened in on the boys’ wine orders. This couple was the definition of ‘high class’, and their noses were in the air as they told the boys that they needed to learn their wines, and that if they were thinking of ordering the cheese plate they really should have ordered a more woody red, since it paired with the cheeses that were offered. Phil had raised his eyebrows, both disgusted by the thought of cheese and surprised by the couple’s haughtiness. They’d informed them that the boys were intending on ordering some of the cake slices, and when met with huffs and whispered comments about how fattening those were, they decided to leave without dessert. As he reads this fic, he sees nearly the same exact situation play out, except this time Dan stands up for himself and Phil, telling off the couple. They’d come back with a sneer and a remark about him ‘standing up for his boyfriend’, and, in a rage, Dan had said ‘you bet I am’, walked over to Phil, and planted a firm kiss on his lips. From there the two boys ate dessert, completely unaware of the couple who were leaving the restaurant in haste, and they held hands throughout the rest of the meal. Phil reads up until that night when they were lazily kissing and agreeing that they were more than friends, and then suddenly clothes were coming off, and hips were grinding, cocks were pulsing, and lube was introduced. Phil clicks out of the fic. He sits there, staring at his computer in shock for several seconds. He checks the date on the fic… two days ago. Phil makes his way to the lounge where he finds Dan and sits down next to him, opening his laptop back up. “Dan… look at this. Do you think someone saw us at the restaurant? If not, that’s a crazy coincidence.” he chuckles at the absurdity as he scrolls back to the beginning of the fic, showing Dan what he had just read.

 

Momentarily distracted by his friend's tousled hair and rosy cheeks, Dan blinks. “Hm?” After a moment, Phil’s words register in his brain, and he glances down at the opened laptop. As Dan reads over the familiar words, he sucks in a sharp breath, his heartbeat beginning to race. “Um, I don't know. Maybe.” Dan replies quickly, coughing to clear the strangled sound from his voice. “There was probably a fan at the restaurant. It's not a big deal, Phil.” He adds, trying and failing to keep the defensive tone out of his voice. “Where did you even find this?”

 

“Yeah… probably.” Phil agrees with a shrug. “Oh just on the ‘phan’ tag on tumblr. The description caught my attention. I stopped reading when it got smuttier, though. I don’t know how people can write those sorts of things, I can’t even read it without blushing!” Phil puts his hands over his cheeks to emphasize his point. “You should read it, though. It’s written really well, the voice is really easy to read… familiar almost.” Phil shrugs as he passes the laptop over to Dan, looking over his shoulder expectantly as he waits for Dan to begin reading.

 

Rolling his eyes, pretending as if Phil's idea is everything but interesting, Dan glances down at the laptop. His eyes skim over the words, and he shifts his weight uncomfortably.  _ Of all the fanfics, how did he manage to find one of mine?  _ Suppressing a sigh, Dan reads through the first few paragraphs. He nearly smiles, proud of his work, before he catches himself. Quickly handing the laptop back to Phil, Dan shrugs, pulling his best nonchalant expression. “It's pretty well written for a fanfic. Why exactly were you looking through the “Phan” tag on Tumblr, though?” Dan studies his friend’s face, his brown gaze searching. “You know the kind of things that can be in that tag.” He shudders at the thought, an unreadable emotion flashing through his eyes. “Preserve your innocence, Phil.” Dan’s tone is only half joking, and the smile he gives Phil is distant.

 

“My innocence is long gone.” Phil says with a shrug, ignoring Dan’s question of why he was on the tag in the first place. Looking back at the fic, Phil directs the conversation back to it. “Why  _ didn’t  _ you stand up for me in the restaurant?” His tone is joking as he nudges Dan’s arm with his elbow. “You know, I think I like fic Dan better. You should be more like him.” Phil really hasn’t learned his lesson with attempted winking, because this time he’s fairly certain it looks as if he’s had a miniature stroke as he tries to pass off a smooth and teasing wink.

 

Dan's smile becomes genuine as Phil fails to wink yet again, and he shakes his head, but the action screams of fondness. “Oh my god, just stop trying, you absolute spork.” Laughing now, Dan stretches his arms out over his head, groaning as his back pops. He gives Phil a playful look, proceeding to crack each of his fingers, knowing how much he hates the sound. “What time is it, anyway?” Dan mumbles, the end of his question interrupted by a yawn. He glances down at Phil's laptop, sighing as he reads the time. “How can it only be two? I'm never letting you sleep in my bed again.” Dan mutters, but he knows that having Phil sleep with him had only helped him rest, and his voice lacks any real annoyance.

 

“See, this is why I like fic Dan better! He’d totally let me sleep in his bed, and if what I read was anything to go by, he certainly wouldn’t be needing a nap at two. You know… he seemed to have pretty good stamina.” This time, miraculously, Phil pulls off a wink. The smoothness of the action is ruined, however, when he gets so excited by his success that he raises his hands in balled fists, hissing a soft “Yesssss!” as he squeezes his eyes shut in victory.

 

“What the hell has gotten into you today?” Dan questions, letting out a quiet laugh. “Besides, didn't you literally just wank? Talk about having no stamina.” He grins at Phil, his dimples appearing.  _ That was actually a good comeback, what's happening to the world? Maybe I should deprive myself of sleep more often.  _ Dan nudges Phil's shoulder playfully, his brown eyes taunting. 

 

“Oh, no I forgot to, I got too distracted with the fic. Oops.” Phil says with a shrug. He’d never been intending to wank, but Dan didn’t need to know that. Phil looks over at his friend and grins as an idea forms in his mind, grinning as he sees dimples appear on Dan’s cheeks. He leans in towards Dan ears and whispers in the lowest, sexiest voice he can muster, “Maybe I need some help with it.”, pulling away and clutching his sides, unable to keep serious anymore as his tongue pokes out between his teeth in laughter, tears forming at the edges of his eyes as they squeeze shut.

 

Dan's jaw drops at Phil's suggestion, and for a moment he's too shocked to form words. Once Phil breaks into a fit of giggles, though, he remembers to close his mouth. “ _ Phil!”  _ Dan yelps, unable to think of anything else to say. “I should be recording you right now. The Phandom will come for you if you keep this up, I'm warning you.” Dan finally replies, the lame joke catching in his throat. “Aliens, who is this, and what have you done with Phil?” 

 

“My name isn’t Phil, it’s Thor, leader of the aliens, and I’ve come to daze you and impregnate you, MWAHAHAHAHA!” Phil cackles in his most maniacal ‘evil’ laugh. “Are you ready to go through what Dil did? Do you have… the stamina?” Phil breaks now, falling over onto Dan’s lap, closing the laptop unintentionally with his torso as he flops down, body shaking with laughter as he grins into his friend’s stomach.

 

Dan rests the palm of his hand on Phil's back, unsure of where else to put it. “You're such a dork.” Dan observes, the statement nearly incomprehensible through his laughter. “Seriously though, this is like, the hundredth time you've mentioned sex today. Should I be concerned?” He questions, his tone light and teasing. “Maybe I should tweet something about your stamina. I'm sure the fans would love that.” 

 

“Hey, don’t get mad at me for talking about it, you do all the time! I think you’re just rubbing off on me.” Phil says with a giggle, turning so he can look up at Dan, but remaining in his lap. “I think the phanfiction got to me. That and I got better sleep last night than I have in ages, and I don’t know what to do with all this extra energy!” 

 

“Yeah, but you're  _ Phil. _ ” Dan points out, grinning as he thinks of a reply.  _ Maybe I can still win this, after all.  _ “Oh, you would like me rubbing you off, wouldn't you?” He teases, pulling his hand away from Phil's back before his friend can attempt to smack him. His chest is heaving with laughter, and he leans back into their couch, gasping for air. 

 

“Shut up!” Phil protests, smacking Dan’s shoulder since his hand had been tugged out of Phil’s range. “And you’d love it.” Phil grins as he shifts so he’s laying down across the couch, using Dan’s lap as a pillow as he looks up at his friend, smiling softly. He’d never noticed how Dan looks from this angle before. He has a perfect view of Dan’s soft bottom lip as his friend looks down at him. Most people say that underneath is the least flattering angle, but seeing the tendons and muscles in Dan’s neck seem strangely picturesque to Phil as his gaze continues up, seeing the adorable button nose, followed by two warm brown eyes, framed by long and dark lashes that seem even thicker than usual from this angle. Phil loses himself a bit in the sight, just smiling up at Dan, face soft and open as he reaches up a finger to boop Dan on the nose, making a little, “Beep!” as the pad of his finger connects with the tip of Dan’s nose.

 

Dan gazes down at Phil, getting lost in his best friend's cerulean eyes. He admires the way the lighting in their lounge catches the yellow-green coloration in Phil's otherwise blue eyes, although he would never admit that he chose those specific lights for that very reason. He eyes drift down Phil's face, taking in his plump, pale pink lips. Phil's lips are slightly chapped, but Dan doesn't mind, resisting the urge to reach out and brush his fingers along the little lines on his mouth. A moment of silence stretches between them, but the quiet is comfortable, albeit a bit rare. Finally, Dan speaks up, his eyes drifting back to meet Phil's. “What do you want to do? It's still pretty early.” Dan points out, trying to hide the fact that he'd been staring at Phil's mouth, although he's sure that Phil noticed.

 

When Phil sees Dan’s eyes unmistakingly flick down to his lips, his stomach jumps into his throat. Suddenly he’s terrified, and his body stiffens. When Dan speaks up, Phil doesn’t even think before the word is flying out of his mouth. “Alcohol.” Phil needs alcohol. And maybe it’s not responsible to be drinking at 2pm, and maybe due to their careers and the fact that one tiny slip up could send millions of people after them meant that they shouldn’t get shitfaced, but right now that’s all Phil wants. All he  _ needs _ . “We still have some rum in the cabinet, I think. And wine.” he suggests, sitting up from Dan’s lap and straightening his shirt.

 

Dan raises his eyebrows at the suggestion, but doesn't argue against it. “Fine, but we are  _ not  _ having rum. That stuff is disgusting.” He wrinkles his nose, wincing as the recalls the sharp, bitter taste of the rum. “Buying that was definitely not our best decision.” Dan says, shuddering. “You have to get the wine. I'm not going to get up to help feed some weird day drinking issue of yours.” He pokes at Phil's cheek, smiling. He knows that Phil would never let this become a habit, but it's still fun to tease him about it. “Off you go, then.” Making a shooing motion with his hands, Dan waves Phil off of the couch, reclining as he watches Phil stand up with a barely audible grumble.

 

Phil makes his way to the kitchen and pulls down a bottle of red wine and two glasses. He’s about to make his way back to the lounge when he decides he wants something stronger. He tugs down the bottle of rum and throws it back, drinking straight from the bottle as he takes one, two, three swigs. That should be enough to get him started. He places the rum back on the shelf and closes the cabinet, bringing the bottle and glasses into the lounge and plopping onto the couch with Dan, uncorking the bottle and pouring two glasses. “Cheers. To mermaid Dan and pastel Phil… don’t think I’ve forgotten about those!” Phil gives Dan a stern look that turns into a giggle as they clink glasses, and he downs half of his in one go.

 

“Jesus fuck on a duck, Phil, slow down.” Dan laughs, taking a much slower sip of his own glass of wine. He watches his friend's face carefully, concern beginning to make his stomach churn. “Is there any reason in particular you’re wanting alcohol at two in the afternoon?” He questions, taking another sip of wine and swallowing, the alcohol going down faster this time.

 

There is a reason. Of course there’s a reason. It’s the same reason Phil ever drinks, and it’s one he never wishes to admit. The reason he drinks is to take his mind off of it, so why would he think about it now? Why would he think about how every time he gets lost in one of those moments of silence - every time he gets caught up gazing at Dan’s features, lost in the picture of his smooth skin and delicate features, something in Phil snaps and suddenly the only solution is to drown it in alcohol and forget it ever happened. So Phil just shrugs, shaking his head as he finishes his first glass and pours another. “Just haven’t drank in a while. Thought it could be fun.” Phil’s definitely feeling the effects… the combination of three shots in quick succession followed by a full glass of wine after not drinking for months is not boding well for Phil’s lucidity, but he eagerly gulps at his new glass, getting lost in the blood red liquid, not wanting to address why he was suddenly so intent on becoming inebriated. 

 

Dan frowns, but decides not to push Phil for an answer. He's just barely reaching the end of his first glass of wine as Phil is finishing his second. Not wanting to upset his friend, but also becoming steadily more worried, Dan bites his lip. He considers leaving Phil alone, but after a moment he decides to speak up. Phil's downing the wine at an alarming rate, and Dan knows that it won't end well for either of them if Phil gets overly drunk. “Seriously, Phil, slow down. You're gonna get sick if you keep drinking at that rate.” Dan points out, glancing at his friend as he pours himself a second glass of wine. “I don't think we want to recreate that time we went to our first YouTube party and got completely wasted.” Torn between asking if Phil's okay and laughing at the memory, Dan relaxes back into the couch, keeping his eyes trained on Phil's face. Phil has a tendency to get a bit too touchy when he's drunk- something he blames entirely on the alcohol -and Dan knows by now to keep watch over him.

 

“Not gonna get sick.” Phil protests, but he sets down his wine glass heavily on the table, taking in the spinning room around him. Suddenly it’s too much and sitting is too difficult, so he flops clumsily onto Dan’s lap, hugging his torso as he buries his face in Dan’s lower stomach. “‘M not even that drunk.” he mumbles into the soft fabric of Dan’s tshirt, curling his knees up to his chest.

 

Dan sighs, giggling quietly as he finishes his second glass of wine. He sets the empty glass down beside Phil's, deciding not to drink anymore at the moment in favor of carding his fingers through Phil's hair. He's not drunk yet, but he's definitely getting tipsy, and he doesn't think twice about the action as he gently massages Phil's scalp. “Do you ever brush your hair?” Dan questions, smiling softly as he works out the tangles in the dyed black strands. It's soothing, in a way, and Dan finds himself relaxing and letting his guard down as the wine catches up to him.

 

“No, ‘s how I keep the emo fringe. But maybe I should… feels nice.” Phil murmurs. He shifts uncomfortably, the small couch not providing much space for two giants like he and Dan. “Mmm wanna go to bed. Can we go to bed? Watch a movie or something? Or play a game? Just wanna lie down, but not here.”

 

“Yeah, let's go to my bed.” Dan murmurs in agreement, standing up and helping Phil to his feet. Suddenly, he halts in his tracks, spinning to face Phil. “We should play twenty questions!” He suggests, his brown eyes shining with barely concealed excitement. He doubts that there's anything left he doesn't know about Phil, but he can think of a few questions he has for the older male, and the idea of a game sounds appealing at that moment.

 

Phil’s entire world shifts as he stands up, and suddenly he’s reaching out to Dan for balance. He’d thought he was heavily tipsy, but no… he’s  _ drunk.  _ “Mmm yeah sure.” he responds, distantly aware that Dan had suggested a game. Right now his only priority is not falling. Not falling and grabbing the wine, because there was no way he was coming back down here after going to Dan’s room if they decide they want more wine later. He ignores Dan’s protests as he clings tightly to the bottle, allowing his friend to help him up the stairs and into Dan’s room. He looks around with his jaw slack, taking in the moon room and all its glory. “It’s so… white. And gray. How does that mirror even work?” Phil squeaks as he falls onto Dan’s soft mattress, placing the bottle on the end table as he faces Dan expectantly, waiting for whatever game it was that Dan had suggested before.

 

“My room is monochrome, like my soul.” Dan replies, laughing at his own joke more than it warrants. He plops down onto the bed beside Phil, crossing his legs as he takes a seat across from him. His friend is close enough that he can see every detail of his face, and Dan blinks, pulling back slightly to keep himself from doing something he will later regret. “Okay, so, we're gonna play twenty questions. It's that game where . . .” Dan trails off, struggling to think of a way to describe the game. “We've played it before, you know. Anyways, if one of us doesn't want to answer a question, we have to take three big sips of wine.” Dan decides, clapping his hands together. “Okay! Ask me a question, Lester.”

 

Phil groans at the rules of the game, the idea of more alcohol right now making him feel sick. “Can’t we do another forfeit? I don’t wanna get drunker. Not yet at least. And um... “ Phil racks his brain for things to ask Dan. He already knows so much about him, what is there that Phil could learn? “What did you think of this morning in the shower?” the question leaves his mouth before his brain has time to catch up and his eyes widen in surprise at himself, looking to Dan to see how he reacts.

 

“Ugh, fine. We'll have to think of another forfeit.” Dan mutters, eyes snapping open at Phil's question. “Oh my god, you're horrible.” He groans, burying his face in his hands as he thinks back to that morning. He remembers what he was thinking about all too well, and it's most definitely  _ not  _ something Dan is willing to share. Stormy blue eyes, wide hips, and a perfect ass . . . Reigning in his thoughts before they can stray too far, Dan sighs. “What's the forfeit?”

 

Phil thinks for a moment, biting his lip in concentration. Suddenly his eyes fall on the neckline of Dan’s shirt, and an idea strikes him. If he were more sober he would never suggest this, but in his drunken state it seems like a wonderful idea. “If you don’t wanna answer, take something off.” Phil responds simply, challenge glinting in his eyes. 

 

Dan's cheeks burn, but he pulls off his thin jumper without complaint. He and Phil have seen each other shirtless plenty of times before, and that familiarity coupled with the alcohol in his system is enough to almost entirely erase Dan’s embarrassment. He lets the article of clothing fall over the edge of his bed, turning back to face Phil again, resisting the urge to self consciously wrap his arms over his stomach. “Alright, my turn.” Dan mutters, a shiver running down his spine at the sudden change in temperature. “If you can ask me what I was thinking about in the fucking shower, then I'm not giving you mercy with this.” He warns, his brown gaze challenging. “Okay, Phil. What was your last wank fantasy about?” His expression melts into a grin once more, back in control of the situation for at least a moment.

 

Phil’s lip is still between his teeth as he gazes hungrily at Dan’s bare chest, shamelessly raking his eyes over all of Dan’s torso before coming back up to meet his face, darting between Dan’s eyes and his lips. Phil knows he’s dangerously drunk, but he’s having fun, and he’s not going to overthink. Dan’s question makes him giggle a bit as he shrugs nonchalantly. “I don’t usually actually fantasize. Just normally do it, y’know? But um… the last time I did… I think it was after one of our gaming videos. I think it was the bomb one, and I thought about having to cum in under five minutes with you or we’d both die.” Phil giggled a bit at the memory, knowing his mind worked in ways that didn’t make sense to others. “I think I may have read a fanfiction before that video or something… must have been what brought it into my head.” he shrugged casually, completely unfazed about telling Dan he’d jerked off to the thought of him. 

 

“That's- I didn't know you would be so kinky.” Dan wiggles his eyebrows at Phil, trying to not let his brain attempt to decipher what Phil meant about him being in his fantasy. Still, the thought of Phil thinking about him while getting himself off makes Dan suck in a sharp breath, and the younger man does his best to not overthink Phil's drunken confession. “Your turn, Philly.” The nickname slips out of Dan’s alcohol-loosened lips before he can stop it, and he laughs, knowing how much Phil hates it.

 

Phil scoots closer to Dan on the bed, pulling himself up to bat his lashes just inches away from Dan’s face. “You have no idea how kinky I can get.” He whispers, then promptly dissolves into a puddle of giggles, falling onto the bed next to Dan and laying on his back, laughing at the ceiling. “Hey!” He protests when he hears the use of his nickname, reaching out to clumsily whack Dan’s knee, probably hurting his hand more than Dan. “Okay, okay, my turn…. Um….” Phil looks around the room, trying to find inspiration. When he comes up empty handed… or should he say empty minded, he shrugs and decides to ask Dan just that. What is it that he doesn’t know? “Dan, what’s your biggest secret?” Phil asks innocently, looking up at him with wide blue eyes, intent on Dan’s features, eagerly awaiting a response.

 

“That's too vague of a question.” Dan protests, not wanting to admit the real reason for not giving an answer. He ducks his head, absently picking at a loose thread on his duvet and gazing at it as if it's an object of great importance. With a sigh, he lets the gray string drop, trying to figure out a way to provide an answer without entirely giving himself away. “My biggest secret is that I've liked someone for a long time.” He confesses, glancing up at Phil through his dark lashes, his expression uncharacteristically shy. “And they don't like me back.” Dan swallows, seemingly unable to keep himself from continuing with his admission. “But I never date anyone, because I don't want to risk it if there's even a tiny chance they could return my feelings.” The end of his sentence is barely audible, and Dan quickly straightens up, shrugging off the sudden pang of sadness threatening to overwhelm him. “It's my turn now, right?”

 

The second Phil hears Dan’s confession of liking someone, his heart drops. He feels like a hole has opened up inside his stomach, threatening to suck all of him inside. He doesn’t know why, but suddenly he feels like he’s going to be sick, and he wipes his forehead with his arm as it begins to sweat. He’s shaking and his mind is whirring, trying to rationalize and to figure out why he’s reacting this way, but fighting against the fogginess created by the alcohol swimming through his veins. In the end, all he manages is to squeak out a small, “Yeah, your turn.” before pulling himself back away from Dan and into a sitting position, now separated by several feet of space.

 

Dan inclines his head, unsure of why Phil moved away from him. He was enjoying the warmth he was giving off, but he decides not to question the action. “Do you like anyone?” Dan asks. He knows that it's a lame question, but his brain is becoming more sluggish with every passing minute, and he can't seem to think of anything else to ask.  _ He would've told me if he likes someone. _

 

“No.” Phil replies quietly. It’s not a lie. It doesn’t count as a lie if you’re lying to yourself as well… right? Because if you haven’t let yourself admit it, then there’s nothing there. Nothing to lie about.... Right? He doesn’t like anybody. Sure his heart rate would quicken sometimes around Dan, and he gets lost in little moments like he had earlier that drove him to drink so he would forget. And sure, he loves cuddling up to Dan and he adores teasing him and watching the little red patch that forms around his freckle on his right cheek as he blushes, his dimples giving away his smile even as he tried to act annoyed. And sure, Dan’s eyes are the most gorgeous shade of brown... Phil didn’t even know brown could be pretty, it seemed like such a dirty color, but somehow Dan’s eyes manage to make them beautiful and Phil could get lost in them for hours… if he let himself. Which he doesn’t. And sure he never pictures himself living with anyone else, and anytime someone mentioned that someday they’d eventually move apart and start their own lives he would begin to panic and quickly shut down the idea, but none of that meant that he actually  _ likes _ him. Because he doesn’t. He loves Dan… but they are friends. That’s all. So no… he doesn’t like anyone, and that is the truth. Silence hangs in the air between the two boys for a few moments before Phil sighs, leaning backwards as he raises a hand to adjust his fringe. “I think I’m done with this game.” he whispers softly, not quite daring to look Dan in the eye.

 

Dan bites his lip, trying to ignore the sudden wave of hurt that Phil's words bring. He had  _ known  _ what Phil's answer would be, but somehow that knowledge hadn't made it sting any less. “Yeah, I'm getting tired.” Dan mumbles, tearing his eyes from Phil's as he stands up. His legs are slightly unsteady as he retrieves his jumper off of the floor, but he doesn't stop moving, feeling a desperate urge to leave as quickly as possible. He pulls his top on over his head before grabbing the near-empty wine bottle off of his bedside table. He walks out of his bedroom on trembling legs, relief washing over him once he closes the door behind him, separating himself from Phil. Normally, he would want to be somewhere near Phil at all times, but he can't help but feel the need to escape from the tense situation.

 

“Dan, wait!” Phil calls out as Dan starts getting his things together. The door shuts before Phil can protest further, and he collapses on the bed in defeat, sighing into the mattress. The room is still spinning, but he’s no longer feeling giggly and light, all sense of playfulness gone. Instead he just crawls to the pillows and rests his head on one, willing sleep to take him as quickly as possible, because he’s done being drunk. Everything switched from playful to sad in a matter of seconds, and now he’s just regretting ever bringing up the idea of drinking as he falls asleep, wishing Dan was by his side.

 

Dan leaves the wine bottle on the kitchen counter, too tired to figure out a better place for it. He begins to walk back towards his room before remembering that Phil is there, probably asleep by now. Instead of returning to his bedroom, Dan turns towards their couch. He collapses onto the worn piece of furniture, not bothering to pull out the bed part of the couch, remembering that it's still broken from when Phil jumped on it. He curls into himself, falling asleep after two hours of fitful tossing and turning. His dreams are plagued with thoughts of Phil, voices screaming at him about how Phil will never love Dan in the way that he loves Phil.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - MollieBlack

Phil wakes up with a splitting headache, groaning as he turns in his sleep, constricting on the pillow he’s somehow managed to wrap himself around. He inhales deeply and his eyes open in surprise at the scent, nearly as familiar as his own, but not his. Sure enough, he’s in Dan’s bed, and suddenly memories start flashing back to him of the night before. He squints uncomfortably at the light of day, and stumbles out of bed. He doesn’t want to move, but he knows the sooner he gets to painkillers the sooner this will all start to go away. He stumbles towards the bathroom and pulls out a bottle of advil, downing three along with water he cups in his hand from the faucet. He swallows thickly and continues on to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee. Coffee is the best cure for hangovers… the best cure for life in general. Phil loves coffee. If he could marry it, he would. He clamps his hands over his eyes to keep out the light as he waits for it to be ready, then pours it into a cup, unceremoniously sloshing way too much cream and sugar into it, then downing it while it’s still hot, burning the back of his throat. Miraculously, it begins to work nearly immediately, though, and soon he’s carrying another cup of hot liquid to the couch where he finds Dan, setting the mug down in front of him and lightly shaking Dan’s shoulder to wake him.

 

Dan stirs, making a soft, confused noise as he feels something shaking him. He blinks his eyes open, immediately regretting the action. He's not hungover too badly, but he's forgotten what it feels like, and he quickly squeezes his eyes shut again. He reaches out, grabbing at the cup of coffee near his face and taking several gulps of the hot liquid, too grateful towards Phil to mind the scalding temperature. After a minute, he opens his eyes again, this time with much more caution. “Good morning.” He mumbles, his voice coming out rough and scratchy. Dan knows that he should at least try to be nice to Phil, even if he had unknowingly hurt him the night before. Dan isn't willing to risk losing his best friend because of some hurt feelings, so he decides to make an effort to at least be civil. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I feel like a truck ran over me, but then decided I wasn’t flat enough, so it dropped a boulder on me just to make sure I’d stay down.” Phil responds with a laugh that is completely devoid of humor. He takes a seat next to Dan on the couch and sips his own coffee, looking forward. “Sorry I got so drunk last night. And sorry for taking your bed… you know you could have stayed there too, I wouldn’t have minded. Why did you leave?”

 

Dan shrugs, glancing down at his feet and pretending to study his bare toes. “I guess I was just tired. I sort of sat down on the couch and passed out.” The lie comes easily to Dan, but he knows that his excuse is flawed. He's  _ never  _ fallen asleep that quickly, and he knows that Phil must know that, but he's still too exhausted to think of a better lie to tell his friend. “Did you sleep alright?” He asks, trying to shift the conversation off of him.

 

Phil nods slowly at Dan’s response, knowing that there’s no way that answers his question, but choosing not to push it. If Dan wanted to sleep by himself, he wanted to sleep by himself. Phil can’t judge him, he probably wouldn’t have wanted to share a bed with someone as drunk as Phil had been last night. “Oh… yeah, I slept fine. I mean, I was totally out from the alcohol. Didn’t sleep as well as the night before, though.” Phil thinks back to the night before, curled up to Dan’s side, and he wishes that that had been how last night had ended. He wishes they’d fallen asleep curled up together, and slept soundly, because whenever he slept next to Dan he got some of the best sleep of his life. Something about his best friend just relaxes him, and right now he’s craving nothing more than relaxation. Maybe this is what causes him to lean over to the side, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder as he sighs, relaxing into the casual touch.

 

Dan stiffens for a moment, his heart stuttering in his chest, before slowly relaxing. Mirroring Phil's quiet sigh, Dan leans back into the couch, tugging Phil down with him. He breathes in the familiar smell of raspberries and coffee that surrounds Phil, not finding it in him to care about the sharp trace of alcohol that still taints his scent.  _ It's not his fault.  _ Dan tells himself, leaning his head against Phil's in an easy, soothing gesture.  _ He didn't know that he would hurt me. It's not fair of me to blame him for not liking me in that way.  _ Logically, Dan knows that he shouldn't be upset, but he can't help but feel a pang of uneasy doubt. Still, he pulls Phil closer to him, choosing to ignore the bitter feeling for the time being.

 

Phil leans back against the soft backrest of the couch with Dan, relieved that the brunette seems to be on the same track as he is, craving that closeness, the warmth of the other’s arms wrapped around him. He hums appreciatively as he turns to face towards Dan, swinging his legs over his friend’s lap and wrapping his arms around Dan’s neck. He isn’t thinking too straight. His head hurts and Dan is warm and comforting, and that’s about all he can comprehend right now, so it seems completely natural as he nuzzles into Dan’s neck with his nose, breathing in deeply as he smiles against the skin there, tightening his grasp around Dan’s neck and shoulders in a quick embrace, then loosening again.

 

Dan can't quite stifle his gasp as Phil noses at his neck. A rush of warmth floods through him at the light touch, and he jerks away quickly, dislodging Phil from him. “Neck.” He chokes out, face burning as he looks at Phil, knowing that his friend will understand the situation. Phil is usually careful to avoid Dan's neck, but occasionally he'll slip up or forget and Dan will hurriedly move away, his cheeks flushed and his chocolate eyes wide.

 

Phil’s eyes glance briefly at Dan’s neck, a dangerous glint in his eyes. He knows he won’t do it, but for a moment, just  _ one _ moment he considers messing with Dan, and he knows Dan sees it by the glare that is shot his way. “Sorry, sorry.” Phil apologizes. “I’ll be more careful.” he promises as he pulls Dan back, because he’d been quite enjoying their proximity, and now Dan is much too far away. He nuzzles back into Dan’s shoulder, careful not to touch his neck this time, and hums again, the vibration flooding through him like bees. He giggles at this thought, looking up to meet Dan’s gaze as he sees a questioning glance thrown at him due to his sudden laughter. “Bees.” Phil explains, as if that clears everything up, and only begins giggling harder as Dan’s confusion grows more apparent by his expression, Phil returning to his hiding space in the crook of Dan’s shoulder.

 

Dan arches his eyebrows at Phil. He would face palm if he didn't have Phil wrapped in his arms, holding him safely away from his neck. Instead, he asks, “What are you on about?” Despite his obvious confusion, Dan's tone is amused, and the tension from the neck incident slowly fades from his memory. He relaxes once more, his hand absently tracing patterns down Phil's side as he waits for an explanation.

 

Phil just chuckles at Dan’s confusion, his breathy laugh wafting over Dan’s neck, though he remains careful not to touch it. He shrugs in Dan’s arms, feeling warm and fuzzy, and almost like he himself is a bee. Everything feels good and right, and he feels like a bumble bee, wrapped in a blanket of fuzz, buzzing about without a care in the world. “Bees.” he repeats with a giggle, enjoying how much he can infuriate Dan with these non-explanations. Sighing, he raises his head to lean back and assess Dan’s expression, but Dan is closer than he thought, and his nose presses into Dan’s cheek, the unexpected flesh blocking Phil and bringing him to a stop, his face pressed into the side of Dan’s, eyes wide in surprise. He pulls back slightly after a moment, giggling shyly as he looks over to a wide eyed Dan, smiling softly.

 

Shaking his head, his expression a cross between irritated and amused, Dan tightens his hold on Phil, feeling a sudden urge to keep him close. “You're an absolute mess.” He states, the skin around his eyes crinkling up as he laughs.  _ My mess.  _ Dan thinks, but he doesn't dare speak the words out loud. Instead, he drops his head down onto Phil's shoulder, letting his eyes slip shut. “I lied about falling asleep quickly.” Dan confesses, knowing that Phil has probably already guessed that much. “I'm tired.” 

 

“I know. I’ve known you for eight years, Dan, do you really think you could fool me with that?” Phil’s expression is fond as he looks at the top of Dan’s head, shaking his head at the tired boy. “I’m a little sleepy too, and I still have a headache. Do you want to nap here, or on a bed?” Phil doesn’t think about why he’s assuming that they’re going to take a nap together, it just seems right at the moment.

 

“Here.” Dan mutters, the single word barely recognizable as he yawns. “Don't want to move.” The extent of his exhaustion is rapidly becoming more and more apparent, and Phil's comforting warmth suddenly seems much more alluring. Dan stretches out, fully reclining on the couch as he lays down. There's not enough space for them to comfortably lay side by side, but Dan doesn't have it in him to mind. In fact, the idea of Phil being closer to him seems rather appealing right now. He pulls Phil down on top of him, stretching his neck out to sleepily nuzzle against the top of Phil's head. 

 

Phil relaxes into the new position with Dan, somehow completely unfazed by the sudden closeness. Sure they’d cuddled before, but this was far more intimate than anything they’d done previously. Somehow he can’t find it in himself to care at all. Instead, he wraps his arms around Dan’s torso as he turns his head to the side to rest his ear atop Dan’s heart, listening to the fast, but steadying and slowing heartbeat. He smiles as his hand comes up to rest on Dan’s shoulder, making tiny circles with his fingers. His feet link with Dan’s as their toes play little games, and Phil giggles as the cold of Dan’s feet surprises him, but soon Phil has one of Dan’s feet between both of his, and then it’s warm. He nuzzles into Dan’s chest, sighing, feeling more relaxed than he has in… well… possibly ever.

 

Dan makes a content sound in the back of his throat, his eyelids drooping. “Goodnight. Or afternoon. Whatever it is.” His words are muffled from where his face is still pressed into Phil's hair, and he hopes that he managed to get his message across. The dyed black strands are brushing against his nose, tickling him, but he's far too comfortable to move. Besides, it helps remind him that Phil is very much there. Happy, sleepy, and  _ there with him. _

 

Phil doesn't know what comes over him, and he doesn't even notice really as he hums in response, turning his head slightly to connect his lips softly with Dan’s chest, right above the neckline of his jumper. He presses the quick kiss below Dan’s collarbone, then returns his ear to flatten against Dan’s chest, humming and smiling, halfway between sleep and consciousness.

 

A thrill of surprise send sparks down Dan's spine, and despite his exhaustion he manages to open his eyes wide enough to gaze at the top of Phil's head in confusion. The soft, fluttery feeling against the top of his chest had unmistakably been lips. But furthermore, they had been  _ Phil's  _ lips. Confused, but not wanting to risk ruining the moment, Dan lets his eyes drift shut. For the first time in years, he manages to fall asleep in a matter of minutes, lulled into a sense of peace by Phil's familiar presence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Phil wakes up slowly, his eyelids fluttering open as he takes in his surroundings. The first thing he notices is that his neck is bent back a bit, his face pressed entirely into something warm and soft. As his eyes adjust to the light, he realizes that the warm and soft thing is Dan. Or more specifically, Dan’s neck. Phil is nuzzled right underneath Dan’s chin, his nose pressing at the point where Dan’s jaw connects to his neck, Phil’s chin against the muscle that runs down the side of it, his eyelashes fluttering at the underside of Dan’s chin. His lips are lightly brushing the soft skin near the center of Dan’s throat, and he freezes, knowing how particular his friend is about  _ anything _ being in this area, much less the entirety of Phil’s face. Not only that, but Phil is quite literally laying on top of Dan, facing each other, his legs tangled with the brunette’s and his arms wrapped around Dan’s shoulders as the younger man’s arms lie on his waist and lower back, holding him gently in place. For a moment he feels panic rising in him, but then he begins to remember what happened before they fell asleep, and his breathing levels out. He smiles gently, his lips brushing soft skin. Closing his eyes, Phil decides to let Dan sleep a while longer. He won’t object to spending a few more minutes wrapped in Dan’s arms.

 

When Dan wakes up to the feeling of something gently but firmly pressing up against his neck, he freezes. Letting out a shaky breath, Dan slowly opens his eyes. He's met with familiar tousled black hair, unable to see anything past the messy dark strands. Once he realizes that the thing nuzzling into his neck is Phil, Dan panics. He attempts to sit upright, but finds himself firmly trapped under Phil's body. His actions only succeed in causing Phil's lips to rub up against his neck, and an involuntary shiver makes Dan’s entire body shake. “Phil!” He hisses, desperately trying to wake the other male up and prevent the situation he's about to put himself in.

 

Phil tries not to smile as he feels Dan jolt up in shock as he wakes, held down by the pressure of Phil against his chest. When Dan whispers his name, however, he knows he should do something to help. “Sorry.” Phil whispers back, but clearly he’s not awake enough, because he doesn’t think to move before speaking, causing his lips to tickle Dan’s throat, fluttering across the skin like feathers. 

 

Dan tenses as Phil's lips dance across the sensitive skin of his neck, focusing all his willpower into not bucking up into Phil. He squeezes his eyes shut, drawing in a deep breath. When he next speaks again, his voice is strained, but oddly calm. “Phil. Phil, I need you to move.” His words are barely audible, and he silently prays that Phil hears them and he won't have to repeat himself.

 

“Right.” Phil whispers, lips still tickling the soft skin, but he pulls away a second later. He doesn’t go far, propping himself up by his elbows and moving his knees to either side of Dan’s to get purchase on the couch, still laying on top of Dan, but now elevating his shoulders and head so he can look him in the eyes. He hadn’t been anticipating how close they would be, and now Phil is met with Dan’s face, so close their noses are nearly brushing as Phil stares at his friend’s soft features, eyes shut, and Phil’s lips part in hazy surprise.

 

Dan makes a faint, involuntary noise in the back of his throat as Phil's mouth brushes against his neck once again, relief washing over him once he feels Phil pull back. His eyes still firmly squeezed shut, Dan draws in a deep breath, willing his heartbeat to return to normal. Finally, after a long moment spent trying to compose himself, Dan opens his eyes. He's met with Phil's face, hovering over his own, and a new feeling of interest washes over him. Thankfully though, the feeling isn't as intense as when Phil's lips were fluttering against his neck, and Dan is able to regain control over himself. “Thank you.” He murmurs, his voice uncharacteristically fearful and appreciative. “For moving, I mean.”

 

“Uh huh…” Phil mumbles, only half hearing what Dan was saying. It’s like everything had slowed. Time had stopped and he’s now frozen, unable to do anything but stare forward at the face before him, almond eyes gazing warmly back, soft nose almost touching his own, plump, if chapped, lips parting gently. The rosy patch on Dan’s right cheek over his freckle is there, and Phil wants to look at it, but he can’t. He can’t move his eyes away from Dan’s, so he’s only aware of the rest through his peripherals, his entire focus on the warm brown irises, dotted with golden honey that stare back at him, only inches away.

 

Phil's gaze seems glued to his own brown eyes, and Dan finds himself staring back at Phil with equal intensity. He can see the green and yellow in Phil's eyes again, and he unconsciously shifts forward slightly.  _ It would be so easy . . .  _ Dan's gaze drops down to Phil's mouth, and he hesitates. His lips look so inviting. Glancing up to meet Phil's eyes again, Dan doesn't find any fear or disgust. Before he can convince himself to put it off any longer, Dan leans forward, connecting their lips. The kiss is soft and careful, stretching and testing their boundaries. It only lasts for a moment, but the emotion behind it makes it feel like it lasted much longer. Dan pulls back, his eyes widening as the realization of what he just did catches up to him.

Phil gazes at Dan in shock, broken out of his trance by the kiss, but now in an altogether new one. His eyebrows knit together in confusion and surprise as he scans Dan’s face, unable to quite comprehend what it is that just happened. Had Dan really just kissed him?  _ Why  _ had Dan kissed him? Had he kissed Dan? Honestly, he’d been in such a trance he might have, and just not noticed somehow. Now Dan looks scared… that’s not good. Phil bites his lip, worrying away at the already chapped skin there as he tries to assess the situation, pulling back eventually and sitting back on his ankles over Dan’s calves, moving away enough so that he’s no longer trapping his friend underneath him. He stares at Dan as if he were an alien, trying to assess what he’s thinking and what that kiss just meant… and he comes up blank.

 

Dan swallows as the silence between them stretches like he had stretched their boundaries. He had thought that he had just been stretching them, expanding what their relationship could contain, but maybe he had broken them. Pushed them both too far, taking a risk and snapping the boundaries containing their friendship, letting everything they have escape. Terrified by Phil's lack of a response, Dan pulls his legs out from underneath Phil. He stands up too quickly, and the room spins. Mentally cursing the wave of dizziness the action brings, Dan pauses for a moment, waiting for the walls to stop swimming in his vision.

 

It was him. It must have been him. He had kissed Dan in some strange trance, and now Dan was angry, and rightfully so. Why had he done it? What had happened to him as he stared at his friend, intoxicated by his proximity? He doesn't have the answers to why, all he knows is that now Dan probably hates him, and it's going to take a lot of work to repair the wound Phil had just hacked into their friendship. He winces as Dan stands up quickly, looking completely shaken, and scoots to the edge of the couch. He wants to go to comfort his friend, but knows that he can't. Knows that he shouldn’t. Not only has he crossed a huge boundary between the two of them, but hadn’t Dan  _ just  _ confessed to him the night before how he had feelings for someone else and was waiting for them? How dare Phil be so selfish as to ignore that, to trample all over this relationship Dan was working so hard to create. Phil was selfish. He was selfish, and stupid, he didn’t think before he acted, and he is a child. The tears are already forming as Dan begins to leave the room and Phil stands, wanting to repair things, but not knowing how. “Dan wait! I’m so sorry, I-”

 

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dan snaps. His tone is soft but dangerous, and he finds himself scared of his own voice. He knows that everything is his fault, and Phil did nothing wrong, but he doesn't have anywhere to direct his anger, and it ends up falling on Phil. “God, that was a mistake.” Dan rubs a hand over his face, pressing his palm against his eyes and blocking Phil out of his vision. “I- I can't deal with this right now. I'll see you later.” He mutters, not meeting Phil’s pained gaze as he turns his back on his friend.  _ Is he even my friend anymore? Did I ruin everything by thinking of him as something more?  _ Dan finds himself choking back a sob as he slams his bedroom door shut behind him, a clear sign that Phil is not welcome to join him tonight. He collapses on his bed, finally allowing the tears clouding his vision to spill down his face.

 

Phil stares at the empty room after Dan’s left, still in shock, not quite comprehending the situation that just unfolded so quickly. He winces as he hears Dan’s bedroom door slam aggressively. After a few moments he gets up and walks solemnly to his room, opening the door and then shutting it behind him, sighing as he turns to face his bed. His bed that he hasn’t slept in for days… it almost doesn’t feel like his bed anymore. Climbing in, it feels like a hotel bed, the sheets cold and the pillows a strange texture as he tries to get comfortable. He turns off his light and stares at the black wall, replaying the events of the day, and wondering where things went wrong. His mind goes in circles for seconds, minutes, hours, replaying the same events over and over again, getting nowhere. Phil had never had a harder time getting to sleep than he did that night.

  
Hours later, when Dan has no tears left to cry, he lays in bed with a single thought running on a loop in his mind.  _ Can one moment erase eight years? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you might be freaking out about the last line, so just know... I was too. I still am. You should have seen my reaction when she first wrote it out, Amber is a genius and I still can't get over that line! -MB


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Three days have passed, and Dan is beginning to understand why their fans say Dan and Phil can't be separated. Three days of short, curt words that only get exchanged when they run into each other on the way to the bathroom or kitchen, and three days of missing the warmth of the most important person is his life. The sudden absence of Phil leaves Dan feeling more lonely than he's felt in years. Bored without his friend to entertain him, Dan pulls up a blank Google document on his laptop, his fingers hovering over the keys. Even if he has barely talked to Phil recently, he needs to do something productive, and once again he finds himself toying with the idea of a new fanfiction.

 

Phil doesn’t know what to do. He knows he messed up, it’s clear in the way that Dan refuses to meet his eyes and doesn’t leave his room for days. Phil feels lonely, and ends up spending hours on the phone to his mum each day. Whenever she asks about Dan he turns the conversation around, wanting a distraction, not a therapy session. He needs to stop thinking about it. Dan had said he didn’t want to talk about it, so Phil is going to respect his request - it’s the least he can do. But depression is beginning to take over. Sure, Phil is a generally cheery guy and everyone seems to think he’s a walking ball of joy, but deep down Phil is really lonely. He’s sad and anxious, and he never thinks he’s quite good enough. He knows his mind works differently than other people’s, and generally he’s able to embrace that, but when his best friend left him without a word, not knowing when he’d return, Phil began to spiral. Now he’s left, sat staring blankly at a wall, waiting… for something… he doesn’t know what.

 

Taking a deep breath, Dan begins writing down ideas for his fanfiction. After a minute he huffs, deleting the page he was working on and beginning a new one. His fingers begin to type out a story that mirrors his emotions, and he finds himself writing a detailed- albeit slightly edited -version of what had happened three days ago. It takes him hours to complete the story, and when he types out the last sentence, leaning back to admire his work, he's surprised to see that the sun is beginning to set. 

 

Everything is dull. Phil’s emotions are dull, colors are dull, smells are dull. He hasn’t been hungry in two days, but at 7pm he realizes he should eat, so he shoves some tasteless dry cereal into his mouth before giving up and returning to his room. He’d hoped Dan would come out when he heard him moving about the house. He hadn’t. Now Phil is staring at the Google homepage. He isn’t sure how long he’s been there, but the screen suddenly goes a shade darker, warning him that his computer is going to go to sleep if he doesn’t use it soon. He decides he needs to do something… anything to distract himself, but all he can think of is Dan. Maybe it’s some cruel, masochistic part of him coming out, but Phil’s fingers immediately type out Tumblr’s URL, then search ‘phan’, as he begins to scroll through the tag. He’s spent an embarrassingly large amount of time there in the past few days… he doesn’t even know why. It only hurts. He scrolls and scrolls for hours, occasionally refreshing to see new posts. It must be past eleven when his eyes are dull and glazed over, but they manage to catch a familiar username above a post containing a new phanfiction. ‘poohbear09’. Wasn’t that the user who had written the fic about the wine? Their writing had been good… though it’d been smutty. This one isn’t tagged with smut, but Phil knows his fans too well to be completely convinced by that. Honestly at this point he didn’t even feel too put off by smut… He clicks.

 

Dan spends far too long editing his latest fanfiction story before posting it, a part of him feeling the need to make this particular piece of writing the best it can be. He falls asleep fairly soon after he posts his work, surprising himself with the speed at which the heavy darkness overtakes him. It's rare for him to fall asleep in under an hour, especially without Phil's warm body snuggled into his, but he's barely slept the past few days, and before he knows it he's being pulled down into his dreams.

 

The first thing Phil realizes is that this is one of the best phanfictions he’s ever read. Like the other fic, this is from Dan’s point of view, and it takes him through a fluffy scene of cuddling in bed, romance building as Dan’s inner monologue freaks out, wondering if their relationship is finally, after years, going to progress to be something more. Everything seems to be going well and suddenly they’re nose to nose, and Dan takes the leap. He kisses Phil, fireworks going off in his brain, praising himself for finally working up the courage after eight years. When he pulls away, though, Phil isn’t smiling. He doesn’t look happy, and all at once Dan’s world comes crashing down around him, realizing his mistake, realizing he’d ruined years of friendship. Phil doesn’t know why, but this is getting him choked up, and suddenly tears are spilling out of his eyes, and he doesn’t even care because it’s the first time he’s  _ felt _ anything in days. Everything in this fic seems to apply so directly to his life, but in the real world it was Phil. It was Phil who made the mistake. It was Phil who kissed Dan without asking. It was Phil who, with one thoughtless action, destroyed their entire relationship. The fic ends with Dan crying in his room as he packs his things. It’s an open-ended conclusion, but certainly not a happy one. Phil cries as he reads it, re-reads it, then re-reads it again. It’s just too perfectly horrible. On a whim, knowing it’s probably an awful idea and will only make Dan hate him more, Phil copies the link and pastes it into a private conversation with Dan, captioning it, “They almost had it right. Except I was the one to mess everything up.”

 

Dan wakes up to the feeling of his phone buzzing from where it's wedged underneath his cheek. Stirring, still slightly disoriented by sleep, Dan pulls himself into a sitting position. He rubs at his eyes as he grabs his phone, squinting as he peers at the too-bright screen. When he sees a text from Phil, however, his irritation disappears, immediately being replaced by worry. Heart in his throat, Dan unlocks his phone, pulling up the text. He frowns when he sees the familiar Tumblr url in the link, clicking on it and feeling a jolt of surprise run through him when he's taken to his own private Tumblr page. He rereads his fanfiction before returning to Phil’s text. It takes him a moment to understand what Phil said through the haze of unshed tears blurring his vision, but when he does, Dan's thoughts become even more muddled in his head. He slowly types out a confused reply, unsure of how to respond to the odd caption.  _ “What do you mean? I fucked everything up, Phil. It's all my fault.”  _ Dan hits send, his fingers trembling as he suppresses a sudden sob.

 

Phil stares at Dan’s text. What could that mean? How did Dan screw things up, it was Phil who had made the mistake. Though Phil’s mind is whirring, messy thoughts flying every which way, he does know one thing. Nothing’s going to come of trying to message back and forth. This is what sends Phil on shaky legs up to Dan’s room, nervously knocking at the door. When an unsteady voice invites him in, Phil opens it and steps into the doorway, both terrified and relieved as he finally sees his best friend. “Dan…” his voice is shaky from days of silence. “What do you mean it’s all your fault?”

 

Dan tries to wipe his tears away, wanting to be able to see Phil's face clearly. The thought that this might be the last time he'll get to see that face sends a rush of panic through him, and he quickly shoves the thought aside.  _ No.  _ Bracing himself for whatever’s about to happen, Dan stands up to face Phil. “I was the one that kissed you. I pushed us too far, and . . . I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry.” Dan feels another traitorous tear slip down his face, and Phil’s blue eyes swim in his vision. “You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you because of some stupid mistake-”

 

“You kissed me? I thought I kissed you! Why would you let me go three days thinking I’d ruined everything?” his voice softens as he sees Dan’s mouth part in confusion. “Dan… you’ll never lose me.” Phil still isn’t sure what happened the other day exactly, but he knows that Dan looks a mess, and he can’t leave his best friend like that. Raising his arms, he pulls his friend into an enveloping hug, rubbing his back comfortingly. “I don’t know what happened, but I’ve missed you like crazy the past three days. Never do that to me again, okay?”

 

Dan finds himself leaning into Phil's embrace, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him back. “I'm sorry.” He repeats, sighing as he buries his face into the crook of Phil's neck. Normally, he's not one for repeating apologies, but this situation seems to call for it, and he holds Phil tightly, needing his reassuring presence to ground him. “And I've missed you too, you spork.” Dan laughs, the sound stuffy and choked, but undoubtedly happy. The use of the fond nickname doesn't entirely erase the tears leaving salt stains down his face, but it helps, and Dan smiles. He feels relieved, as if a part of him just came back after going missing for three days. Dan supposes that it did, in a way. He gazes down at Phil, suddenly grateful that he's slightly taller; it gives him a good vantage point to take in his friend's equally tearful face, and his heart twists in his chest. 

 

Phil laughs through his tears, beyond relieved that this has all just been a huge misunderstanding, and he’s not losing his best friend. “I think the fans just got to us.” he giggles eventually, pulling away enough to look Dan in the eye, but remaining in his friend’s arms. “It was an accident… we don’t even have to talk about it. We were just cuddling and we both know that it’s thrown at us all the time… it was bound to happen eventually.” he’s still nervous to actually put a name to what happened, but he feels a weight lift off his chest as he clears the air, smiling as he falls back into Dan’s arms, wrapping his own around the taller boy’s neck, breathing in the scent of the man he’d missed so much.

 

Dan tenses as he feels Phil’s hands brush against the back of his neck, but he forces himself to relax into the feeling, thankful that Phil's not touching the front or sides of his neck this time. “Yeah.” He swallows, confused as to why Phil's words make a lump rise in his throat.  _ It's better to not talk about it. It was just a mistake, and I'm lucky that he's forgiving me so easily.  _ Dan thinks, unsure of when exactly to let Phil go. It feels good to have him in his arms again, and Phil is making no move to pull away yet, but Dan knows that he should probably put some space between them. With a barely concealed sigh, Dan draws back slightly, feeling an odd sense of disappointment settle in his chest.

 

“Okay well I don’t really care what your plans were for tonight, we’re doing something together, and I’m not taking no for an answer. I need to catch up on my Dan time.” Phil smiles as Dan pulls away, keeping a hand on Phil’s shoulder, clearly unsure of what to do with himself. “Let’s go downstairs. Maybe order a pizza?” It’s ridiculously late, but Phil hasn’t eaten in ages, and he’s starting to realize just how empty his stomach is. “I need food, my belly’s empty!” he giggles. He feels almost tipsy, bubbly, barely able to control his laughter, and feeling as if he’s floating on the relief and joy that came along with talking to Dan and resolving things.

 

“Pizza sounds wonderful.” Dan agrees, suddenly noticing how hungry he truly is. He's been avoiding venturing into the kitchen as much as he normally would, but now that he has Phil back his past actions seem ridiculous, even to himself. “Are we cheating on Domino’s with Pizza Hut again?” He questions, keeping one hand resting on Phil's shoulder as he pulls out his phone. He barely notices that he's still holding onto his friend, feeling the need to be connected to him in some way right now. 

 

“I think they’ll forgive us.” Phil says seriously, but bursts into laughter a second later. He’s a bit confused as to why Dan’s hand is still on his shoulder, and he doesn’t know exactly how to leave the room like this. In an awkward attempt at making it work, Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s waist. Immediately he realizes this isn’t at all what Dan was going for, but he’s committed now so he sticks with it, putting a bit of pressure on Dan’s back with his arm to indicate that he’s walking forward. They hit an awkward moment at the door where they have to angle slightly to get out, but Phil’s determined to stick with this decision, so he doesn’t let go of Dan’s waist… all the way downstairs and into the lounge. 

 

Dan follows Phil's lead as his friend guides him downstairs, nearly tripping several times, but staying silent about it. If he's being honest, Dan doesn't mind the feeling of Phil keeping him close, but he would never admit that to himself, much less say the words out loud. Finally, they manage to make it into the downstairs lounge, and Dan halts his movements, curious as to what Phil plans on doing now. He bites his lower lip, desperately trying not to smile as he watches his friend assess the situation. Dan can practically see the wheels turning in Phil's brain, and he has to stifle a laugh.

 

Phil’s reached a dilemma. He realizes this the moment he and Dan come to a stop in front of the couch, arms still around each other a bit too stiffly. Phil can see Dan watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t dare look over, knowing full well the expression on his friend’s face, smile tugging at his lips as he tries desperately not to let it show through, just  _ waiting  _ to see what Phil will do. He knows he has two options, and neither of them sound good. On one hand he could let go of Dan’s waist, but in some way that feels like admitting that he’d made a mistake earlier, and Phil cannot admit defeat. The other option isn’t too appealing though, the thought of awkwardly maneuvering to sit next to each other on the couch while remaining connected seeming more trouble than it’s worth, and it’s clear by now that both of them are aware of the mistake Phil’s made. It just rests on whether or not he’s ready to admit it yet. And as it turns out… Phil’s pretty stubborn.

 

Dan can't help but break into a full fledged fit of laughter as Phil struggles to keep his arm around his waist as they sit down. Just to make Phil's already difficult job slightly more challenging, Dan pauses at the exact moment Phil decides to sit down, choosing to remain standing instead of simply taking a seat with him. The plan ends of backfiring, though, when Phil’s hand drags down his ass, having nowhere else to go as Phil sits down. Dan sucks in a breath, torn between ignoring the accidental touch and laughing it off. But before he can say anything, Phil is moving into an even worse position.

 

Phil’s eyes go wide as Dan plants his feet the minute he starts moving to sit down. His grip immediately tugs him to the side, and he spins as he sits. The second he notices being tugged from the sudden unmoving post that Dan’s body has become, he loosens his hand’s grip, but unfortunately that only results in his hand falling from Dan’s side. It runs down the small of his back, and then lightly brushes over his backside. Not only this, but the spinning motion along with the subsequent tug on Dan’s body end up leaving Phil in a very... unique position. He’s sat on the edge of the couch with his legs apart, Dan’s body between them. Phil is facing Dan… or more accurately, facing Dan’s crotch, and his eyes widen as his nose comes within inches of Dan’s zipper. The moment he realizes his mistake he tears his gaze upwards and meets Dan’s eyes, his own wide in shock, embarrassment, and maybe even just a touch of fear.

 

“Wow, Phil, I didn't know things would end up like this tonight.” The joking words slip out from between Dan's lips before he can stop them, and he clamps his mouth shut, grateful that all that managed to escape was a joke. Brushing off his embarrassment by poking fun at Phil's own, Dan laughs, admiring the red shade Phil's face has turned. “The Phandom will be so happy for us! Maybe I should write a fanfic about it.” Still laughing, Dan doesn't realize the mistake he's made in mentioning fanfic. He pulls Phil to his feet, his dimples firmly in place on each of his cheeks. “I hope you're prepared to hear about this moment for the rest of your life.”

 

“Shut up!” Phil mumbles, looking at the ground as he lets Dan help him to his feet, cheeks blazing. “What… like your sequel to  _ The Urge _ ? I thought you were writing one set in a cafe?” Phil squints his eyes in confusion, but drops it with a shrug, more intent on finding a place to run and hide to get away from the moment that’s just transpired. “Please don’t. You’ve already got two ‘we never talk about this again’s in the past week! Now I get one, okay?” Phil looks up this time to meet Dan’s eyes, and he knows that maybe he’s being a bit dramatic, but Phil’s entire body feels ten degrees hotter, and he truly can’t handle his own embarrassment. “I’m calling Pizza Hut.” he pulls out his phone and steps away from Dan, sitting a bit farther away on the couch as he calls the number he’d never admit he has on speed dial.

 

“Phil!” Dan face immediately flushes as he recalls the mortifying incidents of a few days ago, knowing exactly which two moments Phil is referring to. “I thought we agreed to never speak of those things again!” Dan squawks, his voice rising in pitch. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out the memories. With his eyes firmly closed, Dan doesn't notice as Phil pulls out his phone to call Pizza Hut, talking over his friend as he tries to order them pizza. “You know, if you really want to discuss the kiss we can. I- I won't be upset if you need to talk about that, Phil, I understand. But, if you  _ ever  _ bring up my morning wood again, I will personally-” Dan throws a hand over his mouth the moment he opens his eyes to see Phil talking to someone on the phone, muffling the rest of his sentence into his hand as his face burns.

 

Phil’s eyes go wide and he cups the bottom of the phone with his hand where the microphone picks up speech. He talks quietly into the phone. If he had more time to think he’d realize that talking louder might drown out his friend, or maybe even alert him to the conversation Phil’s having, but honestly he doesn’t even think that’d do it. Dan talks over him so much, he’d never notice what Phil was saying. By the time Dan opens his eyes and makes panicked eye contact with Phil, the line has gone silent. Phil waits, eyes wide for one… two… three seconds before he hears something again. It’s the last thing he hopes for. Instead of just ignoring the things they’d heard like Phil had hoped, the man on the other end of the line begins cackling, laughing like a hyena as they nearly deafen Phil with their guffaws. “Two large pies, one veggie, one meat.” he doesn’t specify anything else before hanging up. He doesn’t know what kind of pizzas they’re about to get… but he couldn’t deal with that phone call for another second.

 

Dan slowly peels his hand away from his mouth once Phil ends the phone call. For a moment, he stares at his best friend in shocked silence. His brown eyes are wide as they lock with Phil's blue ones, and then, without warning, he's laughing. He doubles over with the force of his laugher, taking a seat next to Phil so that he doesn't fall over. His shoulders are shaking, his chest heaving as he struggles to breathe through the loud, raucous noises his body is producing. His eyes watering, he glances up at Phil, trying to decipher his expression.

 

Phil stares at Dan, entirely baffled by what just happened. “Are you okay?” he asks eventually, raising his eyebrows, watching the tears stream down Dan’s cheeks as he laughs. He can’t believe the words that just escaped Dan’s mouth. He can’t believe that  _ the pizza guy heard the whole thing _ . Is it going to be the same guy who comes to their house? Is Phil going to have to see him? Is he going to say anything? Suddenly Phil’s mind is buzzing, and he puts his head between his hands. “Can we just put on a movie or something?” he asks after a moment, needing something to distract him from the building anxiety of dealing with the pizza delivery.

 

“I'll let you pick the movie if you answer the door when the pizza arrives.” Dan grins, dimples caving deep into his cheeks. He relaxes into the couch, refusing to meet his friend's wide, pleading gaze. “So, what'll it be? You answering the door or a Shrek marathon?” Dan pulls out his phone, beginning to scroll through Tumblr with the most casual expression he can pull off. He leans into Phil's side, seemingly unable to help the movement, and crosses his legs at the ankle as he waits for a response from Phil.

 

“Dannnnnn…” Phil whines, unable to make a decision. “Not Shrek  _ again _ , isn’t there  _ anything  _ else you want to see?” When Dan looks up with a devilish grin and a shake of his head as he says something about commitment to the brand, Phil sighs in defeat. It’ll be fine. He’s sure that they must have different people who answer the phones from the people who deliver the pizza, there’s no way it’ll be the same guy. This is what he keeps telling himself as he scrolls through Netflix and eventually lands on Planet Earth.

 

Dan groans, finally giving in and turning his head to look at Phil. “Phil, we've seen this same Planet Earth documentary more times than you've hurt me playing with Wii remotes.” He's well aware of the whiny tone he's using, but he can't keep the high pitched, childish sound out of his voice. He lets himself slide down on the couch so that he can gaze up at Phil through his thick, dark eyelashes, his mocha eyes wide and pleading. He  _ knows  _ that he's acting ridiculous, but if there's any chance Phil will choose something else to watch, he'll gladly sacrifice his dignity.

 

“Hey, you’re the one who said I could pick.” Phil retorts, smiling at the immature asshole rested on his shoulder who he holds so much affection for. “And when have you ever said no to David Attenborough? I distinctly remember you telling me that his husky, sensual voice lulls you into sleep and gives you special kinds of dreams. Then you winked at me. It was horrifying.”

 

Dan rolls his eyes, playfully poking at Phil's side. “I mean, if you don't like his voice, you're lying to yourself. It can give anyone “ _ special dreams _ ”.” Dan recreates the aforementioned wink, the smoothness of the gesture ruined by a yawn. “Phil, check the time.” Dan requests- or rather, demands -scooting closer to the warmth of his best friend. “Also, what time will the pizza get here? All I've eaten today is a bowl of cereal. Someone's going to die if I don't get food soon.”

 

Pulling his phone back from his pocket, Phil reads off the time, eyes widening as he realizes it’s after one in the morning. “I’m not tired… my sleep schedule has been hell the past few days. I’m pretty sure I took a nap from nine this morning until two. And the pizza should be here in about fifteen minutes, we might as well start the documentary, we can pause it when the doorbell rings.” After a nod from Dan, Phil adjusts on the couch to be more comfortable, pulling a pillow in the corner between the back and the armrest, laying out along the couch lengthwise and gesturing for Dan to come closer.

 

Dan lays down and winds his arms around Phil, tugging him closer so that he can bury his face in his hair. He drops his head down onto his shoulder, making a soft, content noise as he wraps himself around the older male, trying to subtly inhale his familiar, comforting scent. “You have to answer the door when the pizza gets here.” Dan reminds him, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. True to what Phil said, David Attenborough’s voice is beginning to lull Dan into a tired, relaxed state. “If I fall asleep, wake me up when there's food.” Dan mumbles, his warm breath fanning over the pale skin of Phil's neck as his eyes slowly drift further and further shut with every blink.

 

“Daaaaannnn…” Phil whines as Dan’s eyes close, eyelashes brushing against Phil’s jaw. “The whole advantage to me getting to pick a movie means that I get to watch it  _ with  _ you.” even though he’s complaining, he really doesn’t mind. After three days without his best friend, it’s almost heavenly to have him back in Phil’s arms, wrapped around him, breathing softly over Phil’s skin. Honestly, he could lay here forever and be happy, and he certainly doesn’t actually mind having a sleepy Dan curled up to him. Sleepy Dan just might be Phil’s favorite Dan. Well… he’s in the top three. “Alright. I’ll wake you up when there’s food.” he whispers after a moment, and catches himself with his lips just barely brushing the tips of Dan’s hair before pulling back, furrowing his eyebrows at what made him feel compelled to kiss the top of Dan’s head. As David Attenborough’s soft voice begins to fill the room, Phil himself starts to drift off… or maybe it’s just an excuse to press his face into the top of Dan’s head, getting a bit of the satisfaction of his lips pressed against Dan’s hair without it technically being a kiss. After a hazy few minutes, Phil hears the doorbell and gently begins trying to remove himself from Dan’s grasp, chuckling to himself as Dan whines, still half asleep. “Dan, pizza’s here.”

 

Murmuring something incoherent, Dan blinks up at Phil, his jaws stretching open in a massive yawn. Gaze blurry with exhaustion, Dan automatically tightens his hold on Phil, grumbling something about not wanting his source of heat to leave. He nestles his head into Phil's shoulder, hiding his face as he tries to ignore the sound of the doorbell ringing for a second time.

 

“Alright, up we go.” Phil huffs, swinging his legs over the side of the couch and standing up, pulling Dan with him. When Dan’s weight simply slumps onto his side, Phil wraps his arm around his friend’s waist, chuckling as he begins half leading, half dragging his friend towards the door with him. When he opens it, he’s almost forgotten that there’s going to be someone on the other side, giggling and looking down at his half-awake friend as the door swings open. “Oh uh… hi.” Phil says, trying to curb his laughter. The man raises his eyebrows, asking Phil to sign a receipt. Phil takes the pen, signing a bit choppily since the hand he’d usually use to hold the receipt in place is currently in full use, holding Dan upright. Eventually he has a decent signature though and adds a good tip, sliding the paper back across to the man, and taking the pizzas in his free hand.

 

Dan makes grabby hands towards the two pizzas, stifling another yawn by tucking his face into Phil's neck. He leans forward, his lips hovering just over Phil's ear. “I'm sure this pizza will be almost as good as you are in my fanfics.” His voice comes out as a slightly louder whisper than he intended, and he blinks, his expression becoming confused as he rethinks the words he just spoke. Too sleepy to figure out what his slip up means, Dan grabs one of the pizzas, glancing up at the pizza guy. “Thanks. Have a good night.” He mumbles, trying to speak up enough to be heard.

 

“Not a problem. It’s not everyday you get to deliver pizza to the Morning Wood Guy.” The young delivery man says with a wink and a laugh, and then he’s gone, leaving both men gaping in shock.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

“Dan…” Phil starts, slowly removing his hand from the small of Dan’s back as he stares at his best friend in confusion. “What did you mean ‘almost as good as I am in your fanfics’?” Phil waits for a moment, staring at his best friend’s horrified expression, recognizing realization and embarrassment on Dan’s features He decides this isn’t a conversation they should have at their front door, pizzas in hand at 2am. “Actually let’s head back to the lounge. I think I need to sit down for whatever this is, and I might need some food in my stomach.” Phil walks past Dan, not angry - just shocked and confused as he moves into the lounge and sits down, staring in confusion at a slice of pizza before beginning to chew it slowly, feeling Dan’s weight dip the couch as his best friend sits next to him.

 

Dan holds his breath as he takes a seat beside Phil, glancing at everything other than his best friend.  _ What do I tell him? How can I explain that?  _ Unsure of where to begin, Dan swallows thickly, his mouth dry. Words lodging in his throat, Dan continues to avoid Phil's curious blue gaze, struggling to find the right thing to say. At last, he looks up, praying that his expression comes off as less nervous than he feels. “I- I was just playing around with some different ideas for  _ The Urge  _ sequel.” He stutters, putting all of his willpower into not looking utterly terrified. It's hard enough for him to lie to his best friend of eight years without tripping over his words. Biting his lower lip, Dan watches Phil carefully, trying to gauge his reaction.

 

“Oh.” Phil states, taken aback at the simple explanation. Of course. Dan was such a perfectionist, it made complete sense that he’d wanted to practice a bit and play with a few different concepts before putting something out for their entire audience to see. Suddenly his reaction feels over-dramatic and Phil frowns guiltily, the pizza in his mouth tasting like cardboard. “I’m sorry.” he continues, unsure of how to recover. “Um… do you think I could read one sometime maybe? I don’t know much about writing fanfiction, and I should probably work a bit harder on it before we release the videos.”

 

“It's fine.” Dan replies quickly, taking a bite of his pizza before he can feel guilty for causing Phil to apologize for nothing. He chews absentmindedly, his thoughts drifting until Phil asks him a question. Snapping back to reality, Dan coughs, nearly choking on his bite of pizza. After a moment, he manages to swallow, his cheeks warm. “Um, sure. What kind of fanfic do you want to see?” He asks, racking his brain for anything platonic he might've written in the past. 

 

“I don’t know. I mean the plan is to make these super sappy and romantic, right? Just like over the top, disgustingly drippy? So I guess anything that sort of goes along those lines.” Phil says with a shrug. “Sorry I reacted so weirdly… it just wasn’t what I expected you to say I suppose.”

 

Dan laughs, grateful that the noise sounds fairly realistic. “It's okay. It's not everyday you hear that your best friend has written a fanfic about you.” Dan points out, forcing himself to relax and ignore the faint sting his own words bring him.  _ Friends. We're friends, and that's it.  _ He reminds himself, reaching up to fix a stray curl of hair falling across his forehead. Shooting a sideways glance at Phil, Dan scoots closer to his friend, reaching for his laptop. “I think I have something.” Suddenly slightly nervous, Dan pulls up a recent Google document, his palms beginning to sweat as he pushes the laptop back towards Phil. 

 

Phil takes the laptop from Dan, almost surprised that his friend is so immediately willing to let him read his work. Generally even if Phil’s there to help with a draft, Dan still has to go over it at least seven times before he’s comfortable with Phil seeing it. As Phil’s eyes scan the writing, he’s surprised. Dan is a really good writer. Of course Phil’s always known his friend can write, but that was for scripts generally, not a work of fiction like this. Now Phil finds himself getting drawn into the story, amazed at how much the characters in the fic represent he and Dan, though he thinks that the representation of him might be just a bit too fantastical. He’s surprised and raises his eyebrows at Dan periodically when he reads physical descriptions of himself - the fic is written from Dan’s point of view so he doesn’t go into detail of his own looks, but it seems like he’s constantly using romantic adjectives to describe pieces of Phil’s appearance. He shrugs it off, though. The point  _ is _ to be overly sappy and play into the stereotypes of the phanfiction circulating the internet, so he supposes that Dan is just doing what they agreed upon. As the story draws to a close Dan and Phil admit their feelings to each other in a ridiculously corny way, Dan accidentally letting it slip in the middle of conversation and panicking, but Phil cutting him off with a kiss. It has your fairytale ‘happy ending’, but Phil loves it, and he’s truly impressed with his friend. “Wow.” Is all he says to Dan after finishing the last sentence. “That was really good.”

 

Dan fights the childish urge to flush and deny the compliment, instead choosing to pull his laptop back towards himself. He closes out of the document containing the story before turning to face Phil again, looking uncharacteristically shy. He hasn't gazed at Phil like that for  _ years,  _ usually far too comfortable with his best friend to show any signs of embarrassment. Now, though, Dan’s staring at Phil as if he might break at a single wrong word. “Is it okay?” 

 

“Are you kidding? Your writing is amazing, Dan! You’re really good, and that was perfect! Though I mean… I’d hardly describe myself as ‘a beautiful work of art’ or having ‘strikingly handsome, clear blue eyes, piercing behind the black fringe hung beautifully over my pale skin’.”

 

Rolling his eyes in an effort to distract Phil from the blush creeping down his neck, Dan playfully pokes at Phil's cheek. “You loved it. You want to hear it more.” He leans closer to Phil to whisper the words into his ear, knowing how much the other male hates the sensation. After a moment, though, he can't keep a straight face any longer. The breath from his laughter fans over Phil's neck, and he's probably causing his friend to go deaf, but he can't help it.

 

Wincing backwards at the sensation of air rustling the hair by his ear, Phil scowls at Dan, knowing he did that on purpose. He’s not able to hold in his laughter long, though, and when Dan starts cackling it’s all over, and Phil rests his forehead against Dan’s shoulder as his body shakes. “I mean…” he giggles as he comes down from it, trying to speak clearly through the laughter still bubbling in his throat. “I wouldn’t be opposed. You’re welcome to compliment me like that anytime you want, Danny!” 

 

Snorting, Dan gently shoves at Phil's shoulder. “You're such a dork. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't complain if you wanted to compliment me sometime.” Dan wiggles his eyebrows, resting up against Phil. He relaxes into his friend's side, still laughing, although he's beginning to regain control over himself. For a moment, he lets himself have a few precious seconds with Phil, enjoying simply being in his company. After a minute, though, he's forced to think of something to say before the silence can drag between them for too long. “Fuck, I think our pizza is cold now. Phil,” Dan’s tone switches to pleading in a heartbeat, and he bats his eyelashes at his friend in a dramatic show, “Can you go microwave our pizza?”

 

Phil rolls his eyes at Dan’s obvious fish for compliments, shaking his head at the boy on his shoulder. He didn’t need Phil to tell him how gorgeous he is, there are millions of people shouting it at him every day. Phil still can’t believe that Dan sometimes describes himself as ‘average’. At first Phil had thought he was joking, but over time he’d learned that Dan truly saw himself that way, and it perplexes Phil like nothing else. Dan is the single prettiest person Phil has ever seen, and it shocks him that Dan himself can’t see it. He relaxes as Dan sighs into his shoulder, and Phil leans his head down to rest it atop Dan’s. “Ughhh fine.” Phil moans at Dan’s request, standing up and gently shoving his friend off. “Be right back.” he says as he picks up the pizzas and heads into the kitchen to heat up their 2am meal.

 

Dan watches as Phil leaves the room with a quiet grumble of annoyance, smiling at the realization that he has someone like Phil in his life. Someone to do him favors, but also someone that he does favors for without thinking twice about it. Sure, maybe Dan does it for a different reason, but it's still nice to see that Phil is willing to help him with the small things in life as well as the more important ones. Dan trusts Phil blindly, and the thought should scare him, but it doesn't. Maybe it had at the beginning of their friendship, but Dan is so comfortable around Phil by now that the thought doesn't cause him any concern. Phil has always been there for him, and if Dan can do anything about it, he always will be. He doesn't realize how deep in thought he is until Phil returns with the pizza, his friend yelping as he bangs his shin into their coffee table. “As graceful as ever, I see.” Dan teases, but his brown eyes are warm with amusement.

 

“Shut up.” Phil grumbles fondly as he sits down next to Dan, rolling his eyes. “You’re no better.” He passes a slice over to Dan and raises his own to his mouth, eating nearly half the slice in one bite. “I don’t know what they do to the cheese on pizza to make it taste good, but I swear it’s magic.” he marvels as he finishes the slice in under a minute, his stomach happy to finally be receiving food again. He snatches another slice and eats it quickly, then leans back against Dan’s shoulder and sighs, content and smiling, with a warm, full belly. 

 

Once Dan finishes his second slice of pizza, he wraps an arm around Phil, laying his chin on top of the older male’s head. Even if there's nothing romantic about the gesture, at least to Phil, it still feels nice to be tangled up in another person. Dan can't deny the warmth that Phil's body gives off, and he automatically snuggles into it, knowing that they should move off of the couch but rapidly becoming too comfortable to care. They've fallen asleep together on the sofa before- even if it had ended with Phil pushing the boundaries of Dan’s resilience regarding his neck -and, if he's being honest with himself, Dan wouldn't mind repeating that tonight.

 

Phil curls into Dan’s arms, wrapping his own around Dan’s waist and squeezing tight, sighing into the comfortable familiarity that he’d missed so much the past three days. After a few minutes, though, he feels both he and Dan drifting and sighs, straightening up and bringing Dan with him. “We should really move to a bed.” he suggests. At Dan’s groan, Phil just smiles, helping him to his feet. “Up we go!” He says with a chuckle, yanking Dan’s limp body to his feet and almost falling as Dan lets the whole of body weight slump into Phil’s. Shaking his head, Phil wraps an arm around Dan’s waist, and for the second time today drags a half-asleep Dan across their apartment. This time they end up in Dan’s bedroom instead of the front door, though, and Phil holds open the duvet as Dan crawls in, immediately pulling Phil in after him. “You know, at this point we may as well just make my room another office.” Phil jokes as he curls his arms around Dan’s waist, pulling them tightly together and nuzzling into the warmth of Dan’s neck, too sleepy to be aware that his lips are pressed firmly against Dan’s throat as he begins to drift off to sleep.

 

“I wouldn't object to that.” Dan murmurs, struggling to keep his eyes from closing so that he can admire Phil for a few moments longer. When he feels lips press against his neck, however, his eyes snap open. “Phil!” He whispers, his voice flustered and annoyed despite being quiet. Holding as still as possible, Dan carefully shifts Phil's head onto his shoulder, letting out a soft breath he didn't realized he'd been holding once Phil's mouth is no longer rubbing against the sensitive skin of his throat.

 

Pulling himself back to his original position the moment Dan’s hands let go of him, Phil buries his face and lips against Dan’s neck, murmuring a low, “Mmmmm no, I’m cozy here.” He shifts so one of his legs is between Dan’s and nuzzles his face a little deeper into the crook of Dan’s neck, humming in appreciation.

 

Gasping, Dan flinches away from the sensation of Phil nosing at his neck. He shifts desperately, unable to move away with Phil's leg holding him down, pressing himself farther down into the mattress. The feeling of Phil's lips, still firmly pressed against his neck, is causing warmth to pool in Dan’s stomach, and the younger male bites at his lower lip, trying to calm himself down. When Phil hums into his skin, though, he loses what little control he has over himself. Unable to stop himself, Dan bucks his hips up, automatically searching for some kind of friction to relieve the pressure building inside of him.

 

Phil’s eyes snap open in surprise at the sudden movement. He’s still half asleep and licks his lips instinctively, surprised when his tongue brushes against skin that isn’t his own. Suddenly he realizes the position he’s in, curled around Dan, and realizes what that motion must have been. Tired, surprised, and completely unprepared, Phil decides that the only way to deal with this situation is not to deal with it. So he relaxes his body and shuts his eyes, choosing to pretend he’s fallen asleep.

 

Dan chokes back a moan as Phil's tongue drags over his neck, clapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound. Squeezing his eyes shut, Dan pictures everything he can to cool the heat coiling in his body- seagulls, his Christian grandmother in lingerie, giant moths, Phil's mouth moving against his neck . . . Stifling another noise, Dan tries to cross his legs, only to be reminded that Phil's leg is wedged between his own. He only succeeds in grinding his crotch against Phil's thigh, and that coupled with the feeling of Phil's lips brushing against his neck makes Dan want to scream in frustration. He can feel arousal flooding his senses, making his thoughts sluggish as he grows hard.

 

Phil stifles a squeak as he hears Dan moan, then feels his friend grind lazily into Phil’s thigh, clearly aroused. Phil is at a complete loss of what to do. If he makes it clear he’s awake, Dan will know he’s been awake this whole time, and he’ll have to deal with an awkward conversation. If he keeps acting like he’s asleep, it seems like this might keep happening, and he’s feeling increasingly guilty just sitting here, pretending to be unconscious. It doesn’t help that the movements Dan is making are sending jolts of excitement through Phil’s body. He hasn’t been with anyone in years, that’s the only reason his skin is starting to feel hot and his mouth is becoming dry. It’s just because it’s been so long. That’s the only reason that Phil’s lips find themselves moving, with purpose now, against Dan’s neck as his own hips return Dan’s motions gently, his brain both asleep and working on overdrive at the same time.

 

When Dan feels Phil's lips begin to move against his neck, his breath tickling the sensitive skin there, he ruts his hips up again, growing more and more desperate by the second. He struggles to think of why his friend is kissing at his throat, but Dan needs to do _something,_ because he's not sure how much more of this he can take before he does something he might regret. Dan's breathing is unsteady, air leaving his lungs in quick, shallow bursts, and he can’t help but rock his hips up with more force, needing something to grind into. This is wrong. This is completely and utterly wrong. Dan shouldn't be rolling his clothed erection into Phil's leg, and his platonic best friend most certainly should not be kissing at his neck, but it feels so  _ right.  _ He lets out a low, frustrated noise as his hard on drags against Phil's thigh, trying and failing to gain back control over his actions.

 

“Dan…” Phil whispers breathlessly, not knowing why he continues to kiss up and down Dan’s neck, pressing his own hips back into Dan’s, rolling together as one. “What are we doing?” He keeps pressing soft, wet kisses along Dan’s neck, and then pulls back, looking for a response in Dan’s face when he feels the brunette freeze against him. Their eyes lock and Phil can’t help but look down at Dan’s lips, his bottom one chewed to bits in the past few minutes, and Phil leans in without thinking, capturing that lip within his own. 

 

Dan goes rigid, preparing to have to explain himself, when he's suddenly met with Phil's lips pressing against his own. He opens his mouth without thinking, his body acting on autopilot as he kisses Phil back with more force, turning the kiss into something more heated. He carefully sucks on Phil's lower lip, testing his boundaries. After a moment, he pulls back, breathing heavily, his pupils blown wide as he gazes at Phil. Everything in him is screaming at him to just grab Phil and push him down into the mattress, to chase his own pleasure, but he can't do that. He  _ won't.  _ “Can we-,” Dan swallows, knowing that his words could change everything he's built with Phil over the years, “Can we just keep doing this for a while? We don't have to go all the way but . . . I need something. Please, Phil?” Everything about Dan is desperate, but he forces himself to slow down, needing to make sure that Phil is okay with whatever it is they're doing.

 

Phil looks into Dan’s eyes as he pulls away, unable to keep himself from admiring Dan’s wrecked expression, his heart warming at Dan’s words. Phil pulls him back in for a kiss, slow and sweet this time, removing his leg from between Dan’s and putting an inch of space between their lower halves as he sucks on Dan’s lip gently. “Slow.” Phil whispers, now placing small and soft pecks on Dan’s lips, on Dan’s nose, on each cheek, on his eyes, and all over his forehead. He doesn’t know what they’re doing, but he can’t seem to help himself, and if this is what Dan wants, Phil certainly isn’t going to say no, no matter how much he knows he’s probably under-thinking this all. So he just moves his lips back to Dan’s mouth and kisses him gently, slowing the pace to a crawl as he feels his own arousal fade and tiredness take over again, melting into Dan’s touch.

 

Dan sighs into Phil's mouth as he slows their kiss, refraining from continuing to grind against Phil. His friend obviously isn't ready to take things farther, and the last thing Dan wants to do is push him into doing something he's not prepared for. So he doesn't complain as Phil brings their kiss to a careful halt, instead choosing to give Phil one last, reassuring peck before taking a moment to gaze at Phil. “We'll talk about this later, okay?” He murmurs, trying to keep his voice as gentle and soothing as possible.

 

“Mmm okay.” Phil agrees quietly, leaning in with his eyes closed to press one last peck to Dan’s lips, missing slightly and just hitting the corner of his mouth, but smiling and humming anyways as he pulls himself closer and tucks into Dan. “Goodnight.” he murmurs, and then he’s drifting off to sleep.

 

Dan watches as Phil falls asleep, smiling as he brushes a strand of hair out of Phil's face. He admires Phil's relaxed expression, the way his lips are slightly parted as he breathes.  _ Do you know how beautiful you are?  _ Dan wonders, his fingers dancing down Phil's arm as he absently traces patterns into his pale skin, the light touch a wordless assurance that Dan is right there with him. As much as he wants to stay with Phil, Dan is still painfully aroused. With a soft sigh, Dan pulls away from the other male, swinging his legs over the side of his bed.

 

“Wait…” Phil mumbles as Dan detangles himself from Phil’s grasp. His body constricts around the cold air where a body had just been, and he pouts his lip up at Dan. “Don’t go.”

  
Dan glances down at Phil, quietly promising that he'll be back soon and planting another kiss to Phil's lips at his request. Once he's sure that Phil's alright, Dan stands up, awkwardly shuffling to his bathroom and finally allowing himself to find some form of release. He comes with the image of Phil's blue eyes, pupils blown wide with lust in his mind, recalling the feeling of Phil's thigh between his legs as he works himself through his orgasm. Dan cleans himself up quickly, not wanting to stay away from Phil any longer than necessary. He slips into bed beside him, smiling as Phil automatically snuggles into him and wrapping his arms around the other male in return.  _ I should be worried.  _ The thought makes Dan's heart twist in his chest, his breathing becoming unsteady. Firmly pushing the feeling of dread rising in him down, Dan closes his eyes, wanting to spend the night entangled with Phil before he has to deal with things in the morning. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Phil wakes up slowly, happy when he realizes he’s wrapped in Dan’s arms, listening to the younger man’s heartbeat and his adorable quiet snores that Dan  _ swears _ don’t exist. He nuzzles deeper into Dan’s chest, breathing in the sweet, musky scent of pine mixing with honey that Dan always seems to carry on him, ironic since he never goes outside. For several minutes Phil simply enjoys being pressed against his friend, relaxing in the comfort of Dan’s arms, until suddenly the memories of the night before flood his mind. Going stiff, Phil’s eyes widen, realizing how big of a mistake that could have been. Why had he started kissing Dan? What had compelled him to do that? Would Dan be mad? Did he only go along with it because he felt bad saying no to Phil? Suddenly Phil's shaking, unable to contain his nerves as his fingers grip tightly at Dan’s sides, terrified of his friend waking.

 

Dan wakes to the feeling of fingers digging, slightly too tightly, into the skin just above his hips. The fingers clench around his waist, and Dan grumbles, annoyed at being woken up. He stirs fitfully for a moment, trying to readjust into a more comfortable position, before finally giving up and opening his eyes to be met with Phil's face, inches from his own. At first, he simply blinks, yawning as he takes in Phil's familiar features. Then his friend's fearful expression registers in his mind, and his eyes snap open all the way, panic beginning to swell in his chest.  _ What have I done?  _ He forces it down, swallowing as he braces himself for whatever is about to happen. The last thing he wants to do is upset Phil further- his friend’s blue eyes are already wide, and his face seems even more pale than usual -so he stretches, doing his best to ignore the tension hanging heavily in the air. “Good morning.” Dan’s voice is cheerful, albeit slightly fake, and he gives Phil his best reassuring smile. 

 

“Hi.” is all Phil can think of to say in response, staring worriedly into his friend’s eyes, his gaze snapping back and forth from one dark eye to the other, unsure of where to look. His heart is beating out of his chest, his stomach is stuck in his throat, and his entire body is shaking like a leaf. Dan must have noticed at this point, and Phil shivers as he looks up helplessly into his best friend’s gaze, clinging onto him for dear life. 

 

Unsure of what else to do, Dan pulls Phil closer to his chest, whispering gentle assurances. His throat is constricting, his stomach churning as he holds Phil, terrified of what he did.  _ This is my fault.  _ The realization makes Dan tug Phil even closer, and he buries his face in the older male’s dark hair, his uneven breath fanning out across the top of his head. “I- I'm sorry, Phil. We never have to talk about this if you don't want to, and-,” Dan swallows, struggling to regain at least a scrap of his composure, “And I shouldn't have done anything last night. This is all my fault, don't feel bad, please.” The end of Dan's sentence comes out as a whisper as he slowly rocks Phil, gently trying to shush his friend's worries away. He knows that he should let Phil go, but a part of him isn't willing to just yet, needing to hold onto something.

 

Phil melts into Dan’s touch, feeling guilty for wrapping himself so tightly around his friend, but unable to move away. The comfort of Dan’s words, and his gentle rocking motion makes Phil’s heart hurt as he can see just how hard Dan is trying to keep him calm. “Dan, it’s not your fault. I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking, I…” a small, choked sob leaves Phil’s throat and suddenly he’s crying, shaking even harder as his fingers dig into Dan’s back, clinging on desperately. He’s terrified, and he doesn’t even know what of. Dan’s gentle comforts continue, and soon Phil is able to stop crying, relaxing slightly into Dan’s arms, the shivers dissolving until they’re nearly gone. “Thank you.” he whispers, burying his face in Dan’s chest, feeling awful that he’s seeking comfort from the man he knows he’s hurt. 

 

“Of course.” Dan murmurs, his voice muffled by Phil's hair. “I'll always be here for you. Always, Phil.” The promise slips out from between Dan's lips before he can stop it, but he knows that the words are true. They've promised that to each other before, so what's one more vow, especially if it helps Phil relax? Even if it feels different now, with them entangled in one another, sharing a bed, the message is the same. It  _ has  _ to be the same, no matter how Dan feels when he cradles Phil up against him, his chest constricting and his heart pounding. It's not fair of Dan to want more than a lifetime of friendship from Phil. It's not fair of him to wish for something more than decades of cuddling and laughing together, even if they'll never be able to lean over and kiss the other, or call one another  _ theirs  _ in every way. Dan sighs, hiding his face in Phil's hair once more, not ready to meet his best friend's gaze. Because that's all they are; best friends.

 

Finally calming down, Phil takes a deep breath as he eases his body into relaxation, sighing as the exhaustion from so much emotion takes over. He buries his face in Dan’s chest as he lets out a long breath. “I love you so much.” Phil mumbles, not even sure if the other man can hear him it was so quiet, but needing to express how much Dan means to him.

 

Dan finds himself giggling, despite the serious nature behind Phil's words. He'll never mean them in the way Dan does, but for now the younger can bask in the warm glow the simple phrase brings him. For now, he can allow for things be okay. “I love you too, Phil.” His voice comes out slightly quieter than he intended, the words seeming to lodge in his throat. There's so much raw emotion behind the words when Dan speaks them, feelings and intentions that don't belong there. But, for once, Dan doesn't allow himself to overthink things. Surely, no one can blame him for taking this moment? 

 

“Good.” Phil murmurs through a soft smile, happy that Dan had heard him. “Dan?” he asks after a few seconds of silence, raising his face to look Dan in the eye, eyebrows pulled together in question. “Am I a good kisser?” Phil doesn’t think through the question as he asks it, simply wondering aloud, as anyone would do after  _ really _ kissing someone for the first time in about eight years. 

 

Dan arches his eyebrows at the blunt question, laughing even as he shakes his head in amusement. “Oh my god, you're ridiculous. I don't even want to give you an answer; you'd never let it go.” Despite his teasing words, Dan’s well aware that his reply already gave Phil the answer he wanted, and he finds himself not minding at all. Instead of pulling away, withdrawing from Phil like Dan knows he probably should, he merely tugs the other male closer to his chest, burying his face in the crook of Phil's neck to block out the sunlight threatening to invade his vision.

 

“Hey, you wouldn’t let it go either if I told you how good of a kisser you were!” Phil protests before realizing what he’s just said and frowning, elbowing Dan as his friend breaks out into laughter. “Actually shut up!” Phil exclaims, but he is laughing too now, shaking his head at his own stupidity, smiling since Dan can’t see him. He cranes his neck to look down at Dan’s mop of curly hair, grinning as he buries his face in it, inhaling deeply. Dan’s nose nudges at his neck and he giggles, shoving Dan away, but not so far that he’s out of Phil’s grasp. “Hey, that tickles!” he exclaims, holding one hand up to his throat to block any further tickling.

 

Dan grins, dimples caving into his cheeks as he straightens up. His expression is fond as he gazes down at Phil, but there's a mischievous glimmer beginning to appear in his brown gaze. “Oh, does it now?” Smile slowly growing wider until Dan appears to be more dimple than human, the brunette shifts closer to Phil, hands held out in front of him. He chuckles softly, inching towards Phil as the distance between them vanishes. For a moment, Dan finds himself getting lost in Phil's eyes. They're truly beautiful, wide and containing a blend of all the most perfect colors, framed by light eyelashes. He shakes himself out of his daze before he can get too lost in his thoughts of Phil- a place in his mind he's become quite familiar with over the years -and pounces on the other male before he can react. “Prepare for tickles!”

 

“No!” Phil shrieks, scrambling backwards, pushing and kicking Dan away from him. In his frantic state, Phil doesn’t judge distance well and launches himself off the side of the bed, falling onto the ground with a hard  _ thud _ . He lays there shocked for a moment, assessing if there’s been any damage, but once he’s decided that he’s alright be bursts into laughter, clutching his stomach and squeezing his eyes shut as he giggles, tears beginning to stream down the sides of his face. “Not fair, I can’t even see you! At least let me get my glasses first!” He gets out between his laughter, snorting accidentally and covering his mouth with his hand in surprise, only making him laugh harder.

 

For a moment, Dan goes rigid, terrified that Phil has managed to hurt himself in his fall. Once he realizes that he's okay, though, Dan bursts into laughter along with his friend, allowing himself to appreciate the memory of Phil launching himself clear off of the edge of the bed. “Oh my god,” He gasps out, eyes beginning to water with the force of his laughter, “You're such an idiot.” Finally recovering enough to breathe properly, Dan peers over the side of the bed at Phil, debating offering him a hand. “I could help, but this is too funny.”

 

“I hate you.” Phil makes his best attempt at a glare towards his friend who’s leaned over the edge of the bed to look down at Phil. He stops for a moment, looking towards Dan in contemplation before lunging forward and grabbing at his arm, yanking him off the bed with so much force he’s a bit worried he may have dislocated Dan’s arm, but is relieved when he hears no yelps of pain. He pulls Dan down, Dan rolling over him making Phil let out a low “oof”, then getting tugged by his own grasp on Dan’s wrist and rolling with the boy, landing on top of him, giggling down at Dan who is sprawled out on his back underneath Phil.

 

Snorting, Dan rolls his eyes, but makes no move to push Phil off of him. “I could've broken my penis or something, and then what would you have to dream about?” Dan only succeeds in holding his smirk for a moment before he dissolves into another round of laughter, wheezing as he lets his head fall back onto the wooden floor. 

 

Phil’s eyes go wide for a moment before slitting into a grin, leaning down to the side of Dan’s head, whispering hot breath into Dan’s ear, “I’m sure my subconscious can find something else to fantasize about.” he whispers lowly, pulling back to do an over-the-top up and down of Dan’s body, eventually bringing his eyes back up to meet Dan’s. This is when he makes his final error, though, as he attempts a wink. The failed awkward blink ruins his sensual teasing, and Phil rolls his eyes at his mistake, shaking his head with a low laugh.

 

Dan groans dramatically, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I feel abused.” Shaking his head in amusement, Dan stares up at Phil as he comes down from the last of his giggles. Still smiling, probably too widely for it too look attractive at this point, Dan raises his head to fully meet Phil's gaze. His friend's face ends up being much closer than he anticipated, though, and he nearly smashes his nose into Phil's chin. Pulling back just in time, Dan chuckles, reaching up to brush a stray, fluffy curl of hair back into place across his forehead in an attempt to hide the blush threatening to rise in his cheeks.

 

Phil frowns, having liked the way the loose curl hung down the middle of Dan’s forehead, breaking away from the rest of his hairline and creating a small ringlet that just barely reached the point between his eyebrows. On a whim, Phil leans down and, not having use of his hands since he’s propping himself up with them, brushes the lock of hair back out of place with his nose. He smiles down at Dan and pauses, halted by the warm surprise in his friend’s eyes as they stare up at him, flashing back to the night before when Dan grinded up against Phil’s leg and Phil kissed up and down Dan’s neck and then moved to his lips, and then they were moving together and they were kissing and Dan was saying all sorts of sweet, caring things to him and giving him kisses goodnight. Phil freezes, staring down at Dan in awe, almost disbelieving that last night had been real. But it had been… that had happened, and here they were, acting the way they always do together, and everything feels normal. How is that possible? Phil subconsciously bites his lip as he stares down at Dan, remembering how it had felt to kiss him, to move with him, to pull him back down for a long, slow kiss before Dan left for the bathroom. How could two best friends spend a night together like that, and only minutes after waking up be back to normal? Phil doesn’t understand, and his eyebrows come together in confusion as he gazes down at Dan. 

 

Dan's eyes flicker down to Phil's mouth against his will, and he feels a tremble run through him at the memory of those plump, pale pink lips pressing against his own. Surely, if they were meant to only be friends, their bodies wouldn't have fit together so well. Surely, they would've panicked and moved out so that it would never happen again. Surely, they would be in _any position but this_ _one_ right now, Dan's gaze taking in every feature of Phil's face. The eyes Dan adores so much, the blue orbs seeming to hold both the sky and the ocean in their depths. The light smattering of barely visible freckles dotting his nose and cheeks, less obvious than Dan's and almost never visible through a camera, but most definitely there as Dan gazes at him. His soft, smooth cheeks that tint a light pink shade to match his lips whenever Dan teases him. Holding his breath, Dan’s eyes travel back down to Phil's mouth. He's biting his lower lip, expression thoughtful and curious. Hesitant, Dan pulls back ever so slightly, wanting to give Phil the chance to decide how to handle this situation.

 

Looking down at Dan, all sense of nerves and hesitation leave Phil as his thoughtfulness takes over, speaking for him. “How are we able to do this?” he asks simply, looking Dan in the eye. “Shouldn’t we not be able to… after yesterday? Shouldn’t this be weird? I feel like this should be weird.” Phil isn’t moving, though, because it’s  _ not _ weird. And he supposes that’s what’s weird about it.

 

“I don't know.” Dan replies, voice soft and honest, because Phil's right. It  _ should  _ be weird. They shouldn't be able to make out one night and fall back into their friendship the next day, or kiss one another and shrug it off without needing to discuss things. It shouldn't be possible, but it  _ is.  _ That's what has Dan holding still, afraid to move in case he wakes up from a dream only to discover that there truly is no possibility for this to be happening right now. He holds his breath, trying to keep the expectant look off of his face as he watches Phil. This should be his decision, not Dan's.

 

“It’s not weird…” Phil murmurs to himself once again, his gaze travelling away from Dan’s face as his eyebrows scrunch together in concentration. When he looks back, his gaze is determined, though a bit nervous. “Tell me if this is weird?” he asks in a small voice. His eyes find Dan’s lips before his mouth does, but soon they’re pressed together and Phil is tasting the sweetness of Dan’s lips as he kisses him, testing the waters as he, for the first time, is the one to kiss Dan while completely conscious, nervously bending the boundaries they’ve already broken so many times before pulling away and looking at Dan in concern. “Was that weird?” he asks, voice ragged and afraid.

 

Dan is quick to shake his head, resisting the urge to chase after Phil's lips once he breaks the kiss. “It wasn’t weird.” He breathes out, giving in to temptation and leaning forward, connecting their lips once again. This time the kiss is slightly deeper, more serious as Dan finds himself pouring years of pent up emotions into the action. Finally, he pulls back, breathing hard as he marvels at the sight of Phil's slightly flushed face and tousled hair as he lets out a quiet giggle. “Not at all.”

 

“Good.” Phil smiles through the word, coming back down to press a quick kiss to Dan’s lips, amazed at how good it feels, and unable to think of why they hadn’t started doing this ages ago. Pulling back, his face is formed into a frown though, as he thinks. “Dan… just how big of an idiot have I been?” he asks, suddenly realizing he could have been obliviously ignoring dozens of signs from the younger boy. When had Dan started to like Phil? Maybe a better question, though, is  _ when had Phil started to like Dan? _ He honestly doesn’t know, but after that kiss Phil is sure that it’s been a long time. 

  
“A really, really big one.” Dan laughs, resting his forehead against Phil's and fighting off a sudden wave of emotion that's threatening to make tears form in his eyes. Phil had just kissed him.  _ Phil  _ had just kissed him, and not shrugged it off, pushed Dan away, or suggested they forget about it. For the first time in years, Dan looks at his best friend with genuine hope in his gaze. His warm, chocolate eyes are watery, and Phil's smile is swimming in his vision, but he doesn't mind. Not at all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

“So…” Phil murmurs against his coffee mug, taking a long sip before continuing, grinning at the man whose lap he’s sat on as he makes Dan wait for the rest of his sentence. “Tell me. When exactly did you know?” Phil smiles evilly at the man underneath him, raising an eyebrow as he teases him, but then feeling bad and pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s temple to show him that it’s okay and Phil genuinely wants to know everything he’s missed over the years.

 

Dan groans, hiding his face in Phil's shoulder as he considers the question. When  _ had  _ he first known? He's grown so used to blocking out the constant, nagging crush in the back of his mind over the years that it takes him a minute to think of an answer. Surprised, Dan realizes that he can't think of any exact moment where he realized that he wanted Phil as more than a friend. The thought has always been there. At first, Dan had been young, shy, and in need of a friend more than anything. Phil proved to be that friend, and Dan hadn't dared push his boundaries out of fear of losing him. Even as he grew older and more confident, Dan had still been too afraid of risking his friendship with Phil for something more. Finally, Dan manages to come up with an honest answer for Phil, and he studies his friend's- no, something more than that now’s -face as he tries to formulate his thoughts into words. “I . . . I think I've always sort of known. It's always been there, it just took me a while to come to terms with it.” The admission lifts a weight off of Dan, and he reaches for Phil's hand, lacing their fingers together as he waits for a response to his confession.

 

“Wow… I’ve really been daft, haven’t I?” Phil thinks aloud, eyes widening as he takes in the new information. “I’m so sorry.” he adds, looking Dan directly in the eyes now. “But I… I don’t want you to think your feelings haven’t been returned until now. I’ve just been stupid, but Dan… I haven’t so much as kissed anyone since a few months before we started talking. I never even think of having anyone else in my life, and ever since we met whenever someone mentions what will happen when we move apart, I can’t wrap my head around it and I ignore it, because I never want to be away from you, Dan. I just want you to know… I think it’s the same for me. I think I’ve always known, I’ve just not  _ known  _ I’ve known.” Phil smiles softly at Dan, realizing the level of fondness he has for the man in front of him. “And honestly, we’ve practically been together this whole time. We’re basically married! We cuddle, we do everything together, we bicker and tease each other, and we never have sex! Dan… we’re married!” Phil giggles, pulling Dan in for a soft kiss, relishing in the new ability to do that as he smiles into his… his Dan’s mouth. 

 

Dan chuckles, the sound cut off as Phil tugs him into a kiss. He can't complain, though; kissing Phil is like a dream come true. Their mouths move together in sync, and Dan slowly deepens the kiss, working his tongue into Phil's mouth. He gently nips at Phil's lower lip, tugging at the soft skin for a moment before releasing it. Phil's mouth is intoxicating, and Dan hums in appreciation as he feels a tongue shyly brush along the inside of his own mouth, his hands sliding down to rest on Phil's waist. When he feels himself beginning to long for more, Dan pulls back, knowing Phil well enough to guess that he won't be ready for anything beyond that just yet.

 

“Why haven’t we been doing this for longer?” Phil asks with a giggle. When Dan shoots him a look that clearly reminds him that it’s his own fault Phil blushes, shrugging. “Well I suppose I just have to make up all the time we’ve missed, now don’t I?” Phil leans in for another kiss, this time deepening it himself as he works his tongue into Dan’s mouth, humming in appreciation as Dan reciprocates, his hand finding Dan’s neck and cheek as he smiles into the kiss. “I’m so glad I can do that now.” Phil whispers as he pulls back, caught in Dan’s gaze like a fish on a hook, knowing he won’t be the first to look away.

 

Dan groans, lightly smacking at Phil's shoulder, but not hard enough to hurt him. His expression is playful, and he leans forward, his mouth hovering just over Phil's ear. “Don't kiss me like that if you don't intend on finishing what you're starting.” He mutters, one hand coming up to play with Phil's hair, his fingers absently toying with the dyed black strands. “In this case, me.” Face breaking into a smile, dimples on full display, Dan leans back to see Phil's face.

 

“Who told you I don’t intend to finish what I’m starting?” Phil asks suggestively, leaning in to pull at Dan’s lower lip with his teeth, grinning as Dan’s lip snaps back into place, pulling back to look at his expression. When he sees wide eyes open in surprise and a bit of a challenge he gets an idea, grinning at Dan, a dangerous glint in his eye. “You know what I can do now?” Phil asks mischievously. He doesn’t answer his question with words, instead swooping down to connect his mouth with the base of Dan’s throat right over the dip in his collarbone, sucking hard at the skin there, moaning to create extra vibrations.

 

Dan goes completely still as he feels Phil not only brushing against, but  _ sucking at _ the most sensitive part of his body. His muscles tense, his toes curling and an unbidden moan tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop it. He doesn't have time to feel embarrassed about the noise, though. Phil is continuing to suck a mark into the skin at the base of Dan's throat, and Dan can feel his willpower rapidly slipping away from him. _ “Phil.” _ He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing himself to place his hands on Phil's shoulders. He gently pushes the other male back, taking in deep, shaky lungfuls of air. “I was being serious about what I said earlier. Don't start something you're not ready to finish.” Dan warns, cracking his eyes open to look at the male straddling his lap. His gaze half lidded, he does his best to ignore his own desires, focusing on Phil.

 

For a moment Phil almost lunges back in for Dan’s neck, but after a second of thought prompted by the serious look Dan sends his way, Phil sighs and backs up, mumbling a small, “Alright.” He takes a deep breath, allowing his gaze to travel down to where the hickey is starting to appear, just barely peeking out above Dan’s neckline, and Phil smiles. Dan is  _ his _ and only his. “Well if you won’t kiss me anymore, can we at least cuddle?” he asks weakly, not strong enough to keep himself from Dan entirely. Leaning back against the far armrest and spreading his legs along the couch, he pats his chest in invitation for Dan to join him, smiling warmly at the flustered brunette. “I want to hear more about all the times I was an idiot. Not at all because I want to hear about how in love with me you’ve been for so long, just because I don’t want to have any repeats of stupidity.” Phil says innocently, but a quirk of his lip gives away the teasing nature of his words.

 

Dan suppresses a groan at the thought of not being able to sneak away to get himself off. Still, the last thing he wants to do is leave Phil's side. With a resigned sigh, Dan stretches out, carefully laying down on top of Phil. He can feel his semi pressing into Phil's thigh, but he does his best to ignore the feeling, curling up and laying his head on top of Phil's chest. Grumbling something about Phil being a tease and how much he hates his questions, Dan buries his face in the fabric of his shirt. He's probably crushing Phil, but he decides that it's the best revenge he can get on him at the moment, so he doesn't budge his weight.

 

“Aww Danny you’re really not gonna tell me? But I want to hear about how little eighteen year old fetus Dan was so in love with his YouTube idol that he saved up for a train ticket to meet him! And how his heart beat faster when the love of his life asked him to move in together for the first time! And how adorable he thinks he is when he’s sleeping, and how good of a kisser he-”

 

Dan cuts Phil off with a kiss, recreating what the blue eyed man did earlier. This time, though, he keeps the action brief and chaste, not wanting to get himself too worked up. “I’ll always be the better kisser.” With another soft sigh, Dan drops his head back onto Phil's chest, debating how much he should tell him. “Who said anything about me being in love with you?” His comeback is weak, and they both know it. Dan's been in love with Phil for years, and now it's only a matter of time until he admits it to both himself and the other. For now, though, he's content with resting his head over Phil’s heart, listening to the way his heartbeat picks up as Dan presses into him, smiling as their toes play games. 

 

Phil is falling, and he’s falling hard. It’s terrifying to realize you have romantic feelings for someone you’re so close with, and to realize you’ve probably had those feelings without noticing for years. This means that once you do notice it, it progresses so quickly that it sweeps you off your feet. The day passes in a flurry of beating hearts and kisses,  cuddles and jokes, passionate moments leveled out with the slow and cute ones, and Phil is honestly getting worried by how strongly his heart is tugging him towards the dimply brunette who he can’t seem to keep his hands off of. Falling asleep is a struggle, neither of them wanting to say goodbye and waking the other up as they drift off with kisses, giggling as their hands work over each others’ arms, hair, waists, chests, and backs, pulling the other as close as they can to nip at their lip, dissolving into a puddle of giggles a moment later and then promising they’ll be good and quiet so they can fall asleep, only to repeat the whole process twenty seconds later. When they finally do fall asleep the sun has already begun to rise, and Phil is laying halfway on top of Dan, smiling with his nose nuzzled deep into Dan’s dimple.

 

Dan wakes up with a yawn, trying to refrain from moving once he notices the warm lump sprawled out across his torso. Unable to keep a smile off of his face, Dan gently brushes a stray bit of Phil's fringe out of his eyes, making a soft, happy noise in the back of his throat as he wraps his arms over Phil's shoulders, hugging him close to his chest. Phil’s lips are slightly parted, chapped from the warm air running over them with every exhalation, and his dark hair is messy, but Dan wouldn't have it any other way. Dopey grin firmly in place, he pulls out his phone, snapping a few quick photos of the scene before Phil wakes up. Dan watches Phil for a while, content to just rub circles against his back and trace patterns down his arms as he waits for him to stir into consciousness.

 

Phil wakes up slowly, humming as he feels a hand making small, lazy circles on his back. He looks up to see Dan underneath him, smiling, and Phil immediately pushes himself forward to connect their lips. Screw morning breath, Dan’s lips are parted and inviting, and Phil couldn't give a rat’s ass what they tasted like. “Good morning.” he mumbles sleepily, eyes half lidded as he pulls back, smiling up at Dan. “You’re cute with your hair all curly and messy.” Phil reaches up a finger to boop Dan on the nose then follows it with his lips. After his nose Phil moves to other parts of his face until he’s peppering kisses over every inch of Dan’s face and Dan’s giggling, squirming as he tries to push Phil off, but Phil’s holding on to dear life, pressing one, two, three more kisses to Dan’s cheek, temple, and eyelid before allowing himself to be removed, elated as he feels like he’s been filled with helium and is ready to float away.

 

“You're lucky you're cuter than your morning breath.” Dan mutters, but he's still smiling, and he pulls Phil in for another kiss without complaint. Once they break apart, Dan stretches, struggling to keep his eyes open through a yawn so that he doesn't lose sight of Phil, even for a second. Somehow managing to tug the black-haired man closer to him, Dan’s expression only grows fonder as he leaves a trail of featherlight kisses down Phil's neck, smiling against the skin there.

 

“I’m the cutest!” Phil grins, squeezing his eyes shut for emphasis. “You’re just lucky you got a boyfriend so cute!” he opens his eyes for only a moment to locate Dan’s lips, closing them immediately as he leans into a kiss. When Dan doesn’t kiss back, Phil pulls away, confused, looking into Dan’s shocked eyes for answers.

 

Blinking at Phil in surprise, Dan turns over the word in his mind.  _ Boyfriend.  _ It has a nice ring to it. It's a wide label, giving him and Phil room to expand their relationship without immediately jumping into anything too serious. Dan wouldn't mind being able to call Phil that. His smile returning to his face, Dan reaches up to cup Phil's cheek with one hand, drawing him back in for another kiss for no reason other than the fact that he can, especially now that Phil considers them  _ boyfriends.  _ “I am lucky. Especially now that I apparently get to have you as my boyfriend.” Dan murmurs against Phil's mouth, savoring the word as he presses their foreheads together. 

  
Phil’s eyes widen for a moment at Dan’s comment, before realizing what it is that he’s said. Not a single part of him regrets it, though, as he presses Dan into the pillow with his mouth, grinning against his  _ boyfriend’s _ lips. He could get used to this.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

The next two days pass by in a blur of cooking meals for each other, enamoured smiles, and random kisses shared for no reason other than the fact that they can do that now. When Dan wakes up with Phil in his arms for the third day in a row, everything finally seems to hit him. Phil's with him.  _ Phil Lester  _ is with him, and they're both stupidly happy because of it. Unable to keep a grin off of his face, one that Dan is sure looks ridiculous, he decides to check Twitter before Phil wakes up. Usually, it's Dan who rises last, but today the younger male has a chance to spend a few minutes with his fans. When he pulls up Twitter, though, he's met with chaos. 

 

Phil wakes up slowly, tightening his grasp around the man in his arms, smiling as he breaths in his familiar scent. Opening his eyes to slits, he sees Dan entranced by his phone and smiles. Dan hasn’t realized he’s awake yet, and Phil loves these candid moments where he gets to see his friend… no. His  _ boyfriend _ when he thinks no one is watching. Dan’s face is so soft and beautiful and Phil could just stare at him forever.… so he does. He doesn’t alert Dan to the fact that he’s awake, instead just smiling softly, content to observe his gorgeous boyfriend until he gets caught. He’s still floating off the feeling of sleeping next to Dan, the brunette’s large hands on his bare back since Phil slept shirtless, making little points tingle with electricity when Dan touches them in just the right way.

 

Dan's eyes widen as he scrolls through his Twitter feed, shock flashing through him, slowly being replaced with realization. He hasn't tweeted in  _ three days,  _ not to mention the fact that he hasn't posted a video in over a month now. That's bad, even for him. Biting his lip, Dan gazes down at the bright screen of his phone, trying to decide what to tell his audience. 

 

As Dan chews on his lip, it’s all Phil can do to keep himself from giggling, eyes nearly watering with the effort as he tenses to keep his body still. Dan is just so… Dan. He’s perfect in every way, and while Phil knows he could spend ages regretting and obsessing over the time he’d wasted, he’d prefer to just enjoy the moment and look forward to what’s to come… because he knows that he intends fully to keep Dan in his life for the duration.

 

Feeling Phil shake against his side, Dan glances down at his friend- no, his  _ boyfriend  _ \- to see him trying to stifle a giggle into his hand. Face immediately melting back into a smile, Dan sets down his phone, the skin around his eyes crinkling up as he gazes at Phil. “What are you laughing about?” He questions, gently running his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and carefully working out the tangles in the dyed black strands, an action Dan has found himself doing more often lately.

 

“You.” Phil responds warmly, pushing himself up on the bed to meet Dan’s lips with his own. It’s not really a kiss, more just two men smiling into each other’s mouths, lips bumping hard against one another, but neither of them seem to mind. “You’re just… you.” Phil giggles at his explanation that explains nothing, but to him seems clear as day. He leans backwards against the pillow and headboard, the cool wood shocking his bare skin as he reaches up for Dan’s collar. He tugs lightly, then moves his hand down to Dan’s shoulder blade and pulls harder, bringing the younger man onto him as they lay on the bed. Phil smiles as he kisses up into Dan’s mouth, pulling harder until Dan moves fully on top of him, pressing Phil down into the mattress.

 

Dan lets out a quiet chuckle as Phil tugs him down on top of him, his lips turning up in a smile as he returns Phil's kiss. There's no heated tension in the movements of his mouth against Phil's, the kiss driven by affection more than desire. When Dan pulls back, he's still smiling. It seems like that's something he's been doing a lot these past few days- smiling. How can he not, with someone as perfect for him as Phil is almost constantly wrapped in his arms? Dimples on full display, Dan leans forward, brushing a light kiss to Phil's cheek, knowing that the sweet action will make the older man blush.

 

Flushing a light rosy shade, Phil giggles against Dan’s lips on his cheek, shaking his head fondly as Dan pulls back and looks down at him. Phil stares back, and suddenly he’s overwhelmed. He remembers how just a few days ago he was falling into the habit he’d been in for so many years - drinking away his thoughts any time he got too long caught up in staring at Dan. Now he could do it without a care in the world - about what it meant for himself, or how Dan would take it. These sweet thoughts shifted, though, as Phil began to think about his old habit… or more particularly, the alcohol. “Dan?” Phil asks suddenly, eyebrows pulling together. “When was the last time you filmed an Internet Support Group?”

 

Sighing softly, Dan drops his head down onto Phil's chest, listening to his heartbeat and taking a moment to consider his question. “It's been awhile.” He admits, not wanting to move to look up at Phil. He already knows what he'll find in his boyfriend’s captivating cerulean eyes, and the thought of moving away from the warmth of his bed is less than appealing. “I need to film something.” The sentence is a statement more than anything else, Dan’s words slightly muffled into Phil's chest. The natural curls in his hair are in full force, the unruly brown strands tickling the bare skin of Phil's chest as he talks, but he can't find the strength to shift away.

 

“You should film today!” Phil exclaims excitedly. He loves when Dan makes new videos. Of course he loves being in videos with Dan, but for some reason there’s something so special about Dan on his own. One would think that Phil would be used to watching himself by now, but he still feels uncomfortable sometimes, cringing as he watches himself on videos, so seeing Dan alone allows him to relax and enjoy his friend’s humor and opinions without constantly looking to himself to see what embarrassing face he’s making now. Maybe… if he’s  _ really _ lucky… Dan will even let him sit in the room and watch from off camera as Dan films. That’s Phil’s favorite, because he can always tell that Dan’s a little nervous in front of him, and he always has to do more takes when Phil’s in the room because he ends up looking over at Phil for assurance, and ends up giggling. It’s adorable.

 

Stifling a quiet groan by pressing his face more firmly against Phil's chest, Dan grumbles some poorly made, half excuse. Finally, he gathers the resolve to lift his head, his eyes half lidded as he stares at Phil. “I don't wanna film today.” He mumbles, well aware that he's acting like a child, but still too sleepy to care. If he didn't have any needs, he would be content to just stay in bed with Phil for the rest of time. Unfortunately, that's not how life works, so instead he chooses to gaze at Phil with the most mournful expression he can muster. 

 

“Aww, come on, please? I’ll stay in the room with you! Provide moral support!” Phil grins up at Dan, trying to motivate the adorable overgrown child on top of him. When Dan continues to pout, Phil sighs, scrambling for something that might convince Dan to do it. When it comes to him, he smiles, biting his lip. “Alright, here’s the deal. If you film today, I’ll take shots with you off camera as you read out comments. How does that sound?” Phil’s grin is mischievous as he stares up into Dan’s eyes, challenge clear in his gaze.

 

Immediately perking up at the idea, Dan hoists himself up to fully meet Phil's gaze, brown eyes glimmering in the golden light filtering through his bedroom windows. He pretends to contemplate the suggestion for a moment, but they both know what his answer will be before the words leave his mouth. “I guess that's fair.” Dan sighs dramatically, but he's smiling, and he stretches forward to press a lazy kiss to Phil's mouth. Humming in contentment, Dan admires his boyfriend’s face, wondering for the thousandth time in the past three days how he ever got to be so lucky. 

 

“Daniel James Howell, are you trying to get me drunk?” Phil gasps dramatically, bringing up a hand to cover the patch of hair in the center of his chest. He breaks into giggles a moment later, pulling Dan down to connect their lips firmly, pouring every drop of adoration he has for this man into the kiss.

 

“Maybe.” Dan mirrors Phil’s quiet laugh, giggling against his mouth as he kisses him back. His hand comes up automatically to cup Phil's cheek as he leans into the kiss, their noses bumping but neither man caring. Dan’s thumb rubs gentle circles onto Phil's cheek as he pulls back, trying and failing to keep the fond smile off of his face. “You caught me. I want to see you drunk, even if it means I have to drag you to bed.” Dan teases, but his tone is light, his twin dimples obvious on his face.

 

“Only if you film another video, mister!” Phil giggles at his own word choice, shaking his head at himself as his eyes scrunch up and a smile spreads across his face. “I’m not cheap, I demand quality content and questionable advice to be sent to preteens across the world to get  _ me  _ drunk!” Phil’s hands slide up Dan’s chest under his shirt, rubbing lines like windshield wipers back and forth over Dan’s pectoral muscles. He gazes up at Dan with a softening smile, and then wraps his arms around to Dan’s back, still under his shirt, pulling him down for a long kiss before sighing and removing his hands, patting Dan’s top back into place. “We should probably get up. I’m hungry and if I don’t get coffee soon the world might come to an end.”

 

“You're insane.” Dan mutters, but he presses a soft kiss to the tip of Phil's nose anyways, relishing in the pale pink color his boyfriend's cheeks turn at the small gesture. “We don't have to get up for at least another few days. Besides, why would I want to leave when we can stay in the nice, warm bed and discuss your weird “mister” kink?” Dan jokes, gently poking at Phil's soft waist and giving him a half pleading, half amused look.

 

Blushing, Phil shoves Dan off him playfully, shaking his head as he gets up. “Actually shut up.” he complains, throwing a pillow at Dan’s head, going to Dan’s dresser without asking and taking out a tshirt, pulling it over his head and smiling as he’s surrounded by Dan’s smell even feet away from his boyfriend. It’s Dan’s eclipse shirt, and something about it feels special for Phil to take. Like it’s something so tailored to Dan - so associated with his boyfriend that something about him wearing it feels almost dangerous, making Phil’s heart beat a hair faster in a rush. It gives him just the strength he needs to stay away from Dan for a few moments longer, for no other reason than to drive his point home. “And don’t even get me started on the subject of kinks, I’m sure I could find many more of yours than you could of mine.” Phil chuckles as he makes his way out of the room, intent now on getting sweet, caffeinated liquid down his throat as soon as humanly possible.

 

Dan feels his face burn at Phil's casual remark, taking his time as he moves around his room, opening his blinds and finding a loose T-shirt to pull over his head. After a moment spent trying to comb his unruly curls into something resembling organization, Dan heads downstairs, chasing after the warm, homey scent of coffee until he finds Phil standing in their kitchen. Still not entirely awake without his morning dose of caffeine, Dan wraps his arms around Phil, nuzzling into his back and nearly making Phil spill milk everywhere. 

 

“Oh my god, DAN!” Phil yelps, doing his best to keep from spilling anything as he jumps at the sudden touch. Setting the mug and carton of milk he’s holding on the counter, Phil turns in Dan’s arms, his hands instinctively coming up to wrap around Dan’s neck as he faces his boyfriend, leaning in for a soft peck. “Guess number one: Scaring your boyfriend out of his mind.” Phil smirks. When Dan pulls his eyebrows together in confusion, Phil chuckles. “For your kinks.” he explains, grinning. 

 

Dan smacks at Phil's shoulder, face flushing even as he laughs it off. Phil probably already knows most of his kinks- he's been his best friend for eight years, after all -but the idea of his boyfriend knowing  _ all of them  _ suddenly seems a bit daunting. He would be completely vulnerable. The thought both scares and excites Dan, and his laughter comes out sounding slightly choked. Clearing his throat, Dan tries to steer the conversation in a different direction. “Is the coffee ready?” He questions, his mouth feeling slightly too dry.

 

“Yeah.” Phil confirms with a smirk, hearing the telltale strain in Dan’s laugh that assures him he got to him. “So…” Phil starts, making he and Dan’s coffees the way they each like them and then handing one across to Dan with a smile. He loves when the ball is in his court and he holds the power. In these moments he knows exactly how to play Dan, precisely what to say and do to get exactly the reaction he wants out of his boyfriend. Giving Dan his best suggestive, crooked smile, he raises an eyebrow. “Was I right?” 

 

Dan snatches his mug of coffee away from Phil, blushing furiously. “No!” He takes a sip of the caffeinated drink, ignoring the way it nearly scalds the roof of his mouth. After a moment, when his cheeks are no longer burning, Dan straightens up. He's not ready to let Phil win this argument just yet. “Nope. You'll just have to keep guessing, unless you want to try some of them out?” Dan suggests, his tongue flicking over his lower lip as he gives Phil the most enticing look he can muster in his loose shirt and pyjama bottoms. 

 

For a moment Phil is tempted. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to do more with Dan… go farther and try new things… but right now they had a task at hand, and they’re getting distracted. “Maybe tonight…” Phil starts, moving closer to Dan and setting his mug down on the counter to wrap his arms around Dan’s neck. “But right now you have some emails to sort through and a video to make.” Phil stands up barely on his toes to kiss Dan’s dimple lightly. Smiling mischievously, Phil backs up and retrieves his cup, taking a long sip and leaning against the counter.

 

Dan leans forward, intent on kissing Phil, and then huffing in annoyance when Phil pulls back before he has the chance. Brown eyes narrowing, Dan sets his mug of coffee down, a challenge clearly written across his face. He steps closer to Phil, grateful that he's slightly taller than the other male. He ducks his head, his voice low as he murmurs into Phil's ear. “I'll be counting on it. Maybe we should keep a Dan versus Phil leaderboard?” Smirking, chocolate gaze glimmering with laughter and mischief, Dan pulls away from Phil.

 

Shuddering at Dan’s words, Phil tries to keep his composure. “Alright, well you get set to making that and get your emails together, and I’ll go out to buy the vodka.” Phil suggests, sighing as he realizes that means he’ll have to actually put on real clothes. Giving Dan one last quick kiss, Phil slips into his room and puts together an outfit quickly. On the way out the door he stops when he finds Dan, wrapping his arms around the brunette from behind and kissing him on the cheek, still in a bit of disbelief that this is something he can just  _ do _ now, and loving every second of it. “I’ll be home soon, you’d better be getting ready for the video!” 

 

“I will, I will.” Dan promises, knowing that he can't put off making a video for any longer. Besides, the promise of drinking with Phil is definitely appealing, and Dan finds himself looking forward to the moment Phil returns, even though he hasn't even left their flat yet. He plants a gentle, sweet kiss to Phil's lips, pulling him closer for a heartbeat before letting him go. With a sigh, Dan watches as Phil leaves. As cliché as it is, Dan can't help but feel as if a part of him is walking out of that door with Phil, and his heart twists in his chest.

 

Phil makes his way to the store quickly, realizing too late that he’s forgotten something important for this store run at home. He looks around the shelves and suddenly sees exactly what he needs - a cloth shopping bag. He picks it up and makes his way down the aisle, looking both ways to make sure no one is watching him as he picks up a bottle of vodka and another bottle of whiskey, quickly shoving them in the bag. He knows that their fans know he drinks, but his online persona still feels strange to couple with shopping for alcohol. This isn’t the main reason for the shopping bag, though. No, the real reason for the dark bag and the looks Phil sends dozens of times over his shoulders to ensure that no one is looking, is for when he quickly snatches a bottle of lube and box of condoms off the shelf, tossing them into his bag. They’re quickly followed by a box of cereal to hide them, and then he’s making his way to the register, heart pounding, but no one seems to recognize him and the cashier doesn’t care at all, and soon he’s breathing sighs of relief, on the train home.

 

Dan drops his phone the moment he hears keys jingling outside of their apartment’s front door. Standing up, he hurries to greet Phil as he steps into their apartment, unable to puzzle out just why he's so eager to see him. His boyfriend was only gone for half an hour, an hour at most, but every minute had seemed to drag by without his bright presence. Over the years, Dan has grown used to Phil just being right there beside him _ ,  _ and when he's not it comes as a bit of a shock to the younger man. By the time Phil manages to unlock the door, Dan is waiting for him, arms outstretched and dimples set deep into his cheeks.

 

Phil is surprised to see Dan the minute he walks through the door, yelping and stumbling back slightly. He’d expected an empty room and the large figure, arms forward, had scared him at first. As he recognizes the figure to be Dan, though, he smiles shyly and carefully puts the bag down next to him, making sure that the top of it flops over to cover its contents before closing the door and stepping forward into Dan’s arms, taking a deep breath in as his chin rests on Dan’s shoulder. “Missed me?” Phil asks, a hint of teasing to his voice, but really his heart is fluttering at the thought that just an hour apart could make Dan miss him. It makes him feel light and fuzzy, but there was no way he was going to let Dan live it down without at least a little bit of teasing.

 

Dan winds his arms around Phil, inhaling his familiar scent and relaxing as it washes over him. Rolling his eyes, but still nuzzling his face into the crook of Phil's neck, Dan replies with a short, “Shut up.” Despite his words, his tone is fond, and he clings to Phil for several long moments before finally letting him go. Hands falling to Phil's soft waist, Dan carefully connects their lips, smiling into Phil's mouth. He knows that Phil was only gone for a short amount of time, and that it's probably bad to depend on another person so heavily, but he can't seem to help it. No matter how often they've done it these past few days, kissing Phil still makes butterflies rise in Dan’s stomach and a sense of utter  _ happiness  _ floods through him.

 

Phil’s hands find their way to Dan’s cheeks, cupping his face as he deepens the kiss, inhaling fiercly. He can’t deny that the knowledge of what he’s held in that shopping bag all the way back from the store has been eating away at his mind. Now he feels heat rise in him as he brings his right hand to the nape of Dan’s neck, squeezing lightly at the skin there, smiling as he hears a soft moan escape Dan’s throat. This only encourages him, now tangling his fingers in Dan’s hair and tugging softly, bringing his left hand to the point between Dan’s shoulder blades and pulling him closer so they’re connected, lips moving hungrily as Phil walks himself backwards and up against the front door, allowing Dan to pin him there, biting softly at his boyfriend’s chapped lips.

 

Dan lets out a soft moan as Phil moves backwards, giving Dan the opportunity to gently push him against the closed door. His hands toying with the hem of Phil's shirt, Dan’s uses his body to trap Phil up against the front door. He disconnects their lips, only to press his mouth to Phil's throat. He licks and nips at the skin there, being careful to not leave a mark. When he moves farther down Phil's neck, though, he sucks a bruise into the pale skin just above his boyfriend’s collarbone, making sure that it's located somewhere that Phil can cover with one of his button up shirts. Dan pauses, drawing back for a moment to admire his work. His hand comes up automatically, and he brushes his thumb over the dark mark, smiling. Phil is  _ his.  _ Finally, after eight years, Phil is his.

 

Pinned against the door, Phil surprises himself when a loud groan escapes his chest as Dan sucks hard into his collarbone. His hips roll upwards, desperate for friction, and they’re not disappointed. When Dan pulls away to look down at the mark he’s made, Phil finds himself getting lost, staring at Dan through half-lidded eyes. He gives Dan one, two, three seconds to admire his work before grabbing Dan’s shoulders and spinning them around violently, holding Dan’s shoulders against the door as he crashes his entire body into his boyfriend’s, lips moving sloppily, hips thrusting as they gasp into each others’ mouths. Phil’s overwhelmed with the want - no, the  _ need  _ for Dan, but when he begins to feel the telltale constriction in his groin coupled with the warmth pooling there, he forces himself to slow his motions. Kissing gently at Dan’s lips now, tongues back in their respective mouths, Phil sighs. “Let’s go film that video. You  _ did _ get together some emails, right?” 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dan huffs, pushing aside his disappointment when Phil stops rolling his hips into his own. He reaches forward, placing a more gentle, brief kiss to Phil's lips before taking a pace back, giving the other male space to move away from the door. “But you have to drink with me off camera.” Dan reminds his boyfriend, brushing a few stray strands of Phil's dark hair off of the older man’s forehead. His expression is fond, despite his slight irritation at Phil's teasing nature. He can wait for as long as Phil needs to if it means that he stills gets to be with the blue eyed male in the end.

 

“Do you really think I’d let you hog the vodka all to yourself?” Phil asks jokingly, leaning in to press a gentle peck to the tip of Dan’s nose. “Alright, let’s go.” he backs up, allowing Dan to step away from the door, and grabs his shopping bag. They make their way to the table where Dan’s set things up for the video, and Phil pulls out the vodka, twisting off the cap with a satisfying ‘ _ pop’ _ . Dan already has out two shot glasses, and Phil takes the one with Darth Vader on it, leaving Dan’s favorite, the Winnie the Pooh shot glass, for his boyfriend. Seeing the glass, it reminds Phil of their fan who writes such good fiction,  _ poohbear09 _ . He smiles, pouring two full shots, and raising his to Dan. “Cheers.” he says with a smile, clinking their glasses together and downing his in a quick motion, wincing slightly at the burn as the alcohol makes its way down his throat. He smiles at Dan, moving to press record.

 

Dan downs his shot a moment after Phil does, resisting the urge to spit out the bitter alcohol as it stings his throat. Setting the shot glass down on his desk, Dan leans in, pressing one last kiss to Phil's lips before hitting record. He puts on his trademark, faintly sarcastic smile, falling into the role of his slightly exaggerated Internet persona with practiced ease. With a salute, his begins his video. “Hello Internet . . .”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

By the time Dan switches off his camera, they're both giggling hysterically, already slightly too tipsy. Relaxed, with a content smile softening his features, Dan waves Phil over to the chair he's sitting in, patting his lap invitingly. He pulls his eyebrows together, licking over his lower lip and giving Phil the most dramatically attractive look he can muster, knowing that he must look ridiculous but too unquestionably happy to care. His whole body is warm, and he feels like he's floating as he gazes at Phil.

 

Getting up, Phil realizes that he’s a bit drunker than he’d thought. Stopping for a moment, one hand out to catch him if he starts to tip, he waits until his vision stops swirling, then makes his way over to Dan, plopping down hard on his lap. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, burying his face into his shoulder and giggling. “You’re really bad at giving advice.” he snorts, ducking away in anticipation of a smack, almost sending the two of them toppling to the ground from his sudden movement. This only causes him to laugh more, and he grabs the bottle of vodka, now half empty, raising the bottle straight to his lips and taking a swig, wincing as the sharp taste bites his throat.

 

Dan curls his arms around Phil's waist, tugging him up against his chest. He takes the bottle of vodka from his boyfriend’s hands, downing a mouthful of the bitter, clear alcohol before setting it down it down on his desk. He gazes up at Phil, getting momentarily lost in the eyes of the boy sitting on his lap. Dimples forming, Dan stretches his neck out, nuzzling into Phil's cheek and gently pressing his mouth against the skin there. He leaves a trail of soft, featherlight kisses down Phil's throat, his eyelashes tickling his boyfriend as his mouth moves, the action sweet and delicate rather than lust driven.

 

Phil can’t seem to hold in his giggles, bubbling out of him as he tries to hold still, because what Dan is doing feels  _ amazing _ and he doesn’t want it to stop. Craning his neck down, he presses a soft kiss into Dan’s curly hair, staying there for a moment to laugh into the hair, pulling away and spitting out air as he gets some strands stuck in his teeth. His hands seem to have a mind of their own, travelling from Dan’s shoulders down his chest, and to the hem of his shirt where Phil pauses for a moment, lifting up the fabric slightly but waiting for Dan to let him know it’s okay to remove the article of clothing.

 

Dan stops his movements when he feels Phil pause, gentle fingers tickling the skin just under the hem of his white button up. He pulls back to look at his boyfriend curiously, a question in his brown eyes. Phil doesn't seem afraid, though, so Dan merely nods his head, raising his arms to help Phil unbutton and slide off his shirt. Once the article of clothing is dropped, instantly forgotten the moment it hits the floor, Dan moves forward again, his mouth brushing up against Phil's throat. He slowly moves lower, pausing just above Phil's collarbone to suck a hickey into the skin there, next to the one he left a few hours ago. His bare chest brushes up against Phil's shirt, and Dan pulls back cautiously, a question hovering on the tip of his tongue.

 

Phil rolls his eyes at Dan’s cautious frown, dramatically sighing and shaking his head before ripping his shirt over it, tossing it aside. He attacks Dan’s lips with his own, reaching out blindly for the bottle that he finds on the desk. He kisses Dan, and then breaks away to down a gulp, moving immediately back to Dan’s throat. Phil maps over his new territory, kissing all over Dan’s upper chest, shoulders, neck, and collarbone, grinning as he feels Dan’s natural response to anything related to his neck. “I don’t think I need to tell you I know this one… but neck.” Phil grins, guessing the kink he knows Dan has for sure. He returns to Dan’s collarbone, licking at the skin, his eyes widening at the salty taste, intoxicating him nearly as much as the alcohol in his hand. This gives him an idea and Phil pulls back as he giggles, his eyes never leaving the dip at the base of Dan’s throat, pressing a finger into it to indicate that Dan should raise his shoulder, deepening the crevice of his collarbone. When Dan does, Phil grabs the cap of the vodka bottle off the table, pouring a shaky dose of vodka into the cap, then transferring it to the deep well in Dan’s skin, grinning as some drips over the edge and he swoops in, licking it up. He replaces the bottle and cap on the desk and practically falls into Dan, sucking the alcohol mixed with sweat out of his skin, lapping it up until not a drop remains, pulling back away just enough to meet Dan’s lips in a hungry kiss.

 

Dan shivers as Phil sucks the alcohol out of the dip of his collarbone, the sensation hovering dangerously close to his neck. He doesn't reply to Phil's comment, instead choosing to cup the dark haired male’s face as he kisses him back. Letting out a quiet moan, Dan bites at Phil's lower lip, tugging on it for a moment in an effort to get him to open his mouth. Smiling as the older man immediately does as he wants, Dan works his tongue into his mouth, tasting the sharp flavor of vodka coupled with something that's unmistakably  _ Phil.  _ It's intoxicating, and Dan can hear his heart pounding in his ears, but it's the best feeling in the world.

 

Phil shifts clumsily. He’d been sitting sideways on Dan’s lap, but now he’s straddling him, and Phil rolls his hips down as he kisses Dan, still unable to keep small giggles from rising in his throat and escaping into Dan’s mouth as his tongue jabs at Dan’s as if they’re fencing. When Dan shakes his head fondly at Phil, the black haired man pulls away, frowning at his boyfriend. “You need to be drinker.” he decides, reaching over and shoving the glass bottle in Dan’s face, shaking with laughter as Dan flinches back from the sudden object flying in front of his face. “Drunk.” Phil commands, not seeing anything wrong with his speech and frowning as Dan laughs at him. 

 

“Fine, fine.” Dan relents, holding his hands up as he stares at Phil. He opens his mouth, his dark eyes expectant as he gazes at his boyfriend. Normally, he would hate the vulnerable position, but he trusts the other male wholly and completely. His chocolate eyes are calm, glimmering in the bright lighting they use to film videos, and his expression is a desperate cross between affection and utter  _ want.  _

 

Phil’s eyes widen as he realizes that Dan expects him to pour the vodka into his mouth. For a moment he panics, knowing how shaky his hands are and how clumsy he is. That coupled with the alcohol already in his bloodstream, he worries for a moment that he might drown Dan, but realizes quickly that his boyfriend could just spit it out if it was too much. With that in mind, Phil raises the bottle carefully to Dan’s lips, tilting it until a small stream begins to fall, waiting until he judges it’s about as much as a shot before pulling it back. Only a bit ends up dribbling onto Dan’s chin, which Phil swoops in to lick up. He knows it probably stung to have the vodka hit Dan’s tongue like that, and for it to take so long, but at least he didn’t choke, and for that Phil deems it a success.

 

The moment the vodka hits Dan’s tongue, he realizes how much stronger it is this way. The sharp taste is overwhelming now, but Dan doesn't mind, holding Phil's gaze as he swallows the liquid. When the blue eyed man ducks down to lap at the alcohol dribbling down Dan’s chin, the younger male winds his hands in Phil's dyed black hair, gently tugging his head up so that he can connect their mouths once more. Dan's slowly beginning to grow hot, heat sparking throughout his body as he kisses Phil deeply. The other man's lips seem fit with his own perfectly, and Dan feels a brief pang of regret that they haven't been doing this for longer. Still, he doesn't have much time to be sad with the way Phil is kissing him, their bodies clumsily pressing into each other. Dan is supporting Phil as his boyfriend straddles his lap, holding him in place and trying to keep both of them from tumbling off of the chair. 

 

As heat pools in Phil’s groin and he continues trying to move, he begins to realize how bad of an idea it is to try to do this on a springy and small office chair. WIth a sigh, he gets off Dan’s lap, holding onto the brunette’s shoulders to steady himself, then pulling Dan to his feet. “Bedroom.” Phil instructs, and when he’s met with a drunken nod from Dan, the two men stumble their way into Dan’s bed, the world spinning around, relief flooding Phil as he allows himself to tumble onto the bed. He doesn’t like standing. Laying down is much better. Especially when Dan comes tumbling down halfway on top of him, making Phil snort with laughter. He lays there for a few more moments until the ceiling comes into focus, then backs himself out from under Dan, shifting so he’s lying lengthwise on the bed, motioning for Dan to come join him. 

 

Dan lays down beside Phil, the bed dipping slightly under his weight. For a moment, he simply gazes at his boyfriend, his brain sluggishly trying to puzzle out how he got so lucky. They both begin to move at the same time, Dan cupping Phil's face as Phil's hands wrap around Dan's back, pulling them closer together. This time, the kiss they share is long and deep, but not rushed. Dan knows that, in a minute, things will be picking up again, but for now he wants to cherish this moment. So he skims his hands down the flat planes of Phil's chest, giggling into his boyfriend's mouth as his hands brush over the soft, springy patch of silky hairs in the center of Phil's chest. 

 

Phil’s giggles die the moment Dan pulls him in for a long, slow kiss. Something about this changes everything, and suddenly he’s no longer filled with lust, emotion now taking his place. Tears are suddenly welling in his eyes as he kisses Dan back, trying to pour every ounce of his feelings into the connection of their lips, his drunk brain trying to work out the best thing to do. It comes up short as his tears spill over and onto his cheeks, reaching up to twine his hands around the back of Dan’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer. When Dan giggles, the sound is like music to Phil’s ears and he smiles into Dan’s mouth, shivering at the touch on his chest. He no longer is wanting to rub up hard against Dan and get lost in his body - now he wants to slowly move with Dan and experience something new with the man he cares so deeply for. Phil decides that this is better, and he slowly reaches out, pulling Dan on top of him, gazing up into the deep brown eyes as he wonders how in the world he gets to call this beautiful face - but more than that - this beautiful  _ person _ with his beautiful mind and beautiful smile and laugh and sense of humor....  _ His. _

 

Dan sighs against Phil's mouth as he shifts, settling himself over Phil. He's not even sure if they can call what they're doing kissing anymore- at this point, it's more two men smiling against each other as they desperately try to put years of emotions into a few minutes. Eventually, though, Dan slowly deepens the kiss once more, smile fading from his face as his expression melts into one of adoration and wonder. His hands trace patterns over the bare skin of Phil's chest, and he marvels at how he ever found someone as wonderful as the man beneath him. Nearly choking on emotion, Dan kisses Phil desperately, licking away the salty taste of tears on his boyfriend's lips. He doesn't say a word about it, though; he understands, and soon he can't tell what tears belong to which person.

 

Phil’s hands travel up and down Dan’s back and sides as the kiss rises and falls. He draws in a deep breath as his hips roll up instinctively into Dan’s and pleasure shoots through him, digging his nails into the brunette’s back. When Dan tenses and Phil feels a shudder run up and down his boyfriend’s entire body, a small whine escaping from deep in his throat, Phil realizes he’s discovered something new. He smiles into Dan’s lips as he brings his hands down to the small of his back, digging his nails in and then dragging them all the way up and over his boyfriend’s shoulder blades, scratching over his shoulders and down his chest, stopping right before his nipples where Phil softens his fingers and moves them down to rub over the hard nubs as he grins, fully aware of the effect he’s having on the man who is falling to pieces on top of him.

 

Dan doesn't bother to hide his moan as Phil's nails dig into his flesh, leaving scratch marks across his skin. Shivering, Dan rocks his hips down into Phil's as he feels warm fingers tease over his hard nipples, gently tweaking the sensitive nubs. Letting out a shaky breath, Dan drops his head to kiss at Phil's collarbone. His mouth drifts down his boyfriend's chest, pausing occasionally to work at a certain spot or suck another bruise into his pale skin. Encouraged by the soft noises Phil is making, Dan makes his way towards one of Phil's nipples, lips just barely brushing it as he grinds down again. He smiles at Phil, mocha eyes glinting, as he slowly drags his tongue over the hard nub. 

 

Phil nearly shrieks as he feels Dan’s lips against his nipple, hips crashing up aggressively into Dan’s as his body works without his instruction, losing control as he falls apart. When Dan’s tongue gets added to the picture Phil’s eyes roll backwards and a loud, low growl rumbles in his throat, surprising him. He didn’t even know he could make that noise. What’s even more surprising, though, is the surge of electricity that’s shooting through him, making his body spasm and rock upwards, frantically searching for friction just from a simple lick. Phil’s always known that he likes his nipples to be touched - he’s used that information himself enough in his time alone - but he’s never had the courage to tell a partner about it. No one has ever payed attention to that part of Phil before, and he’s certainly never felt a soft, wet tongue against them. The feeling is like nothing Phil has ever experienced, and high pitched whines leave his throat as his hips continue their convulsions and his hands grip at the sheets desperately.

 

Dan face breaks into a grin, and he halts his actions momentarily to give Phil an amused look. “You're one to talk about kinks.” He murmurs, stifling a laugh even as he moves back down towards Phil's other nipple. This time, though, he wraps his mouth around the nub without warning, gently sucking at it as he gazes at Phil through thick, dark lashes. Smiling, Dan continues the movements of his mouth, wrapping his tongue around Phil's nipple at he continues to suck at it, his teeth just barely grazing over the sensitive peak. He rolls his hips into Phil's again in time with the actions of his tongue, groaning around his nipple at the sensation.

 

“DAN!” Phil shrieks, completely overwhelmed with the amount of feelings he’s experiencing all at once. “Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan!” he’s breathing heavily as his hips meet his boyfriend’s, impatiently moving quicker as he desperately searches for friction. He’s squirming on the mattress, eyes squeezed shut as he bites his lip, his erection pressing tightly into his trousers. “I…” Phil breathes heavily, trying to get the words out, but being cut off by his own moans and squeaks as Dan’s tongue ravishes his nipples, turning Phil to putty. “I want…. Pants off.” Phil finally manages to get out. His cock hurts with the pressure of being contained inside of his pants, and he’s desperate to be out of them, hopefully getting Dan out of his own in the process. 

 

Still smiling, but understanding Phil's desperate words, Dan pulls back just long enough to unbutton his own skinny jeans. He struggles with the tight article of clothing for a moment, hurriedly tugging them off and letting them fall over the edge of his bed before turning to Phil. He hesitates, his dark chocolate eyes unsure as he holds his boyfriend's gaze, taking in his wrecked expression. “Are you sure?” Dan questions, his hands brushing over the obvious bulge in Phil's pants as his fingers hover over the buttons. As much as he may want this, he knows he needs to ask Phil if he's okay with it first. The last thing he wants to do is have Phil freak out because he didn't want them to go any farther.

 

As Dan’s fingers brush over the bulge in his pants Phil moans, bucking up into the touch. At his boyfriend’s question, Phil nods needily. He stops himself after a moment, reason trying to fight against the alcohol in his bloodstream. “Don’t wanna do too much.” he whispers after a moment. “Want to not be drunk. But…” Phil squirms uncomfortably, lining up his cock with Dan’s hands through the fabric, thrusting up into the cupped palm. “Need these off.” he begs, eyes pricking with tears from how much the tight fabric hurts as it restrains him.

 

Dan nods his understanding, hurrying to remove Phil's pants as his boyfriend ruts up into his hands. Finally managing to get the button undone, Dan tugs the dark pants down Phil's legs, sliding them off and tossing them into some forgotten corner. The moment the article of clothing hits the floor, Dan is back on top of Phil again. He gasps out a moan, the breathy noise sounding positively destroyed as he grinds down into Phil. Their erections are only separated by the thin material of their boxers now, and Dan hisses out a breath at the sensation of their cocks rubbing together. His toes curling, Dan rolls himself into Phil again, sliding their erections together and dropping his head against Phil's shoulder at the feeling.

 

Phil’s a mess, sounds he never knew he could produce slipping out left and right, whimpering as he matches Dan’s motions, biting down on Dan’s shoulder where a shirt will cover it, making sure to dig his teeth in enough to leave a mark. He licks over the skin between his teeth, and then moves lower, placing more and more lovebites until they’re covering one of Dan’s shoulders, his hips desperately grinding up for friction, cock already dripping and creating a little wet patch that rubs up against Dan’s boxers and stomach. The sensation is completely different between jeans and boxers, and Phil is overwhelmed with the feeling - able to imagine exactly what it’d be like if there was no fabric separating them.

 

Whimpering as the blue eyed man bites at Dan’s shoulder, the younger continues to roll himself against Phil. Heat is coiling in his body, making his skin flush and sending his brain into overdrive. Shifting downwards, but not enough to separate their cocks, Dan laps at Phil's nipple once more. He takes the hard nub into his mouth, his teeth lightly grazing over it as he sucks, grinding their hips together with more force now.

 

Phil had given up trying to control what his body is doing minutes ago. One hand is gripping the sheets as the other is flung across his forehead, shielding his shut eyes as his teeth nearly draw blood from his lower lip, hips bucking up on their own against Dan. When Dan’s tongue and lips come back over Phil’s nipple his motions pick up pace, no longer kissing at Dan or moaning, the only thing he’s able to manage being small, wrecked whimpers. The minute he feels the hard teeth scrape over the nub of his nipple it’s all over, though, and Phil stutters up into Dan, groaning as he pulses into his boxers, a wet patch forming in them as he lazily thrusts down from his orgasm, biting at his fist.

 

When Dan feels Phil's cum seeping through his boxers, his boyfriend's hips faltering as they rut into his own, Dan lets out a low groan. He trails his hand down his chest, palming himself through the fabric of his boxers and brushing his other hand over his throat. With a loud, broken moan, Dan digs the pads of his fingers into the sensitive skin of his neck, desperately bucking into his palm as his orgasm washes over him. His eyelids fluttering, Dan trembles as he comes, his cock flooding sticky cum into his boxers. Letting out a high pitched keening noise, Dan collapses, a boneless satisfaction settling in him.

 

Phil takes a few moments to come down from his climax, eyes fluttered shut as he breathes heavily. He hears Dan come to his own orgasm and Phil feels a bit guilty that he didn’t finish him, but he can’t dwell on it too long when the noises Dan makes are so beautiful. A moment later Phil feels a weight fall onto him, pressing him down into the mattress, and he wraps his arms around his boyfriend, hugging him close. They breathe together for a few seconds, relaxed in post-orgasmic bliss, before Phil sighs and opens his eyes. “We should clean up and change.” he says regretfully, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s sweaty forehead. “Then we can sleep.” he adds, hoping that the promise of cuddles might keep Dan from arguing - Phil doesn’t think he has the energy to fight Dan on this, seeing as he’s exhausted, and not an ounce of his body wants to get up right now.

 

Sighing, but too tired to argue with Phil, Dan allows himself one more moment of blissful peace before forcing himself to roll out of bed. He stands up on unsteady legs, shaking slightly as he walks over to his dresser. His fingers still trembling from the force of his orgasm, Dan fumbles to open a drawer and pull out two clean pairs of boxers. After a moment, he manages, and tosses Phil one pair before stumbling into his bathroom with the other. He cleans himself off hurriedly, his movements uncoordinated and his body seeming to run on autopilot. Still, he runs a soft towel under the tap, ringing it out before bringing it back for Phil.

 

Phil takes the boxers from Dan, a small part of him smiling at the intimacy of being offered his boyfriend’s boxers. He groans as he forces himself to sit up on the bed, swinging his legs over the side. For a moment he just sits there, staring forward in shock. He just made out with _Dan Howell._ _Dan_ just made _him_ come. The thought makes Phil smile, a bit of the giggles coming back as the alcohol takes back its grasp on his mental state. Standing up on wobbly legs, Phil strips off his own boxers and begins to try to clean himself off with them. It’s hard because they’re already soaked with cum and sweat, and Phil’s struggling until he hears Dan return. Without thinking a second about modesty, Phil turns around and smiles as he sees Dan holding a damp washcloth for him. He walks over to Dan’s hamper and throws in the soiled boxers, turning back to face his boyfriend, walking up and taking the washcloth from him. It’s only when he looks up at Dan’s face, just inches away, that he realizes Dan’s eyes are wide, and Phil remembers he’s now fully naked. It’s not like Dan hasn’t seen him naked before... but this is different. This time Phil is covered in marks from _Dan’s_ mouth. His cock is dark and swollen, fading from the erection that _Dan_ gave him, and _Dan_ fulfilled. The cum stuck all over him is from the way that _Dan_ made him feel, and somehow this is so much more than just seeing the other naked around the flat. This is intimate in an entirely new level, and Phil is left staring into Dan’s eyes, lips parted in surprise as he gently takes the washcloth in his hand, fingers constricting around the warm and soft fabric.

 

Clearing his throat, Dan tries not to let his eyes wander as he hands the damp washcloth to Phil. He leans forward, brushing his lips over Phil's cheek in a sweet, featherlight kiss, crawling into bed before he loses his willpower to not rake his eyes down Phil's naked body. The body that is most definitely  _ his  _ now. Still, Dan knows that it would be rude to stare, even if he's technically seen Phil without clothes on before, and he slides his body under his sheets. Despite his exhaustion, Dan stirs fitfully, unable to find a comfortable position without Phil's warm presence curled up against his chest.

 

Phil stares at his boyfriend for several moments. He watches as Dan falls into bed, clearly determined not to stare at Phil’s body. Dan seems uncomfortable and Phil just wants to go cuddle him, but he has to get cleaned up first. Standing just feet away from Dan, Phil reaches down and begins slowly dragging the cloth against himself. He can’t tear his eyes away from Dan, and suddenly he wants to be closer to the man on the bed. Closer in a new way - not in the way of being pressed together until no air remains between them… no, he wants to share a new part of him with Dan. This is what leads him to attempting a sentence three times before finally getting up the courage to finally make the sound. “You can look… if you want to.” his offer is quiet and shy, biting his lip as he continues to run slow lines over himself with the cloth, gently removing the sticky liquid from his cock, his thighs, his stomach, his balls. He looks to Dan nervously, hoping he hasn’t crossed a line as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

 

Dan cranes his head back to look at Phil upon hearing his words. Curiosity and the desire for intimacy getting the best of him, Dan pulls himself up into a sitting position, finally allowing himself to fully appreciate Phil's body. His boyfriend is beautiful, wonderful, in every way perfect in Dan’s mind. His eyes trail down Phil's chest, pausing for a moment to memorize his boyfriend's silky patch of chest hair before continuing down. Dan's breath catches in his throat as he takes in Phil's soft hips, gaze finally stopping on his milky thighs and cock, still flushed a light pink shade. Smiling, Dan watches as Phil carefully cleans himself off, relishing in the fact that he was the one who made Phil come in his boxers. There's nothing sexual about this; the gesture is simply an intimate show of trust between two people, and Dan finds that he enjoys it just as much as desperately rutting up against Phil, chasing after a few blissful moments of pleasure. Eyes finally coming back to Phil's face, Dan leans across the bed, planting a soft kiss to the corner of his kiss-swollen lips. “You're beautiful.” Dan murmurs against his mouth, drawing back just enough to give Phil a reassuring smile. 

 

As Dan’s eyes first begin to make their way over his body, Phil’s heart jumps into his throat and suddenly he thinks this may have all been a mistake. The slow silence in the room is torturous, agonizingly tedious as time slows to a crawl, and Phil is left wondering what on earth is happening in Dan’s mind. His instincts are telling him to cover himself up and take back his offer, but he reminds himself that he offered this because he trusts Dan - and he really does. This is what helps him wait it out, and soon his fears are dispelled as Dan leans forward and kisses him gently. Phil feels his heart swell as Dan compliments him, and he discards the washcloth, deeming himself clean. Phil grabs Dan’s boxers and pulls them on, then makes his way over to the bed and crawls on, scooting over next to Dan and curling up into his side, resting Phil’s ear on Dan’s chest. “You’re perfect.” he murmurs, angling his head down to press a soft kiss to the dip between Dan’s collarbones in the center of his chest. He smiles as he relaxes into his boyfriend’s touch, lulled to sleep by the slow and steady beat of Dan’s heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Humming to himself, Dan pulls out two bowls, setting them down on the kitchen counter. He nearly knocks one over as he turns around, narrowly avoiding shattering the ceramic object and hurriedly pushing the bowl back to a safer position before he can break it. It feels lonely in the kitchen, too quiet without Phil telling Dan about the most recent pun he's come up with or yelping as he inevitably sends something crashing to the floor. With a sigh, Dan pulls out a box of Phil's cereal, deciding that he deserves to share his this once, after all the times the blue eyed man has stolen Dan’s. He knows that Phil is upstairs, within shouting distance, editing the gaming channel video they filmed that afternoon, but the younger male can't help but miss him.  _ This is ridiculous.  _ Despite the thought, Dan smiles to himself, pouring some milk into the two bowls of cereal and bringing them upstairs. Sure, Phil is still in the same apartment as him, but it's not bad to want to check up on him occasionally. 

 

Phil sighs to himself as he sits at the computer, staring blankly at the screen as he watches Dan and himself try their best not to make their flirting obvious. His eyes are glazed over and his fingers drift over the keyboard in monotonous and repetitive habit, cutting and editing here and there, trying to make a workable video. After forty five minutes he’s unable to focus, his mind constantly going to Dan and what his boyfriend is doing right now. He knows he needs to focus… but surely a short distraction couldn’t hurt too much, right? Maybe it’ll even give him the energy he needs to continue work. This is the thought process that leads Phil to poohbear09’s tumblr blog, looking up one of their oneshots. It’s a short fluffy piece about a day where Phil and Dan watched the sunrise in Japan as they drank saki and listened to Death Note in the background. The author had a way of capturing the moment and it felt so real to Phil - until he realized it was because it  _ was  _ real. He and Dan had done  _ exactly _ that on their last morning in Japan, and suddenly Phil was flashing back to that day. Dan had gotten them breakfast and woken Phil up sweetly, suggesting that they enjoy their last little bit of time in the country they both loved so much. He’d looked so sweet and happy to be there with Phil, and looking back Phil hit himself for being so blind. There was only one difference between real life and the story, and that was when Phil pulled Dan into his arms - something that  _ had _ happened, but not in the romantic way it did in the fanfic - and then pressed a kiss to Dan’s lips. The fanfiction ended there, and Phil is left staring at his computer. His mind is whirring on overdrive, and suddenly it’s as if he can see all the dots connecting to make a full picture. Just as he begins to connect everything he hears a soft knock on the door and his eyes open wide, clicking off the phanfiction quickly as Dan begins to enter the room.

 

Dan can't help but relax as soon as he opens the door to see Phil, the tension making his movements stiff vanishing as his eyes fall on his boyfriend's familiar face. Offering Phil a smile, Dan gently kicks the door shut behind him, walking farther into the dark room and setting the two bowls of cereal down on their desk. Arms now free, Dan makes his way over to Phil, wrapping his arms around the dark haired male’s back. He leans his weight against the chair Phil's sitting in, dropping his head down onto his boyfriend's shoulder. “How's the editing going?” Dan asks, hoping that the question will distract the other man from the way he's subtly inhaling his scent, nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

 

“Good.” Phil replies, voice strained as he tries to scramble for a way to approach the new situation that’s been presented to him. “Um… I took a small break… just to uh… you know… read some stuff.” he knows he’s scrambling, and he begins to lecture himself.  _ Phil. Get it together. There’s a perfect opportunity right in front of you for you to tease Dan and get him back for all the times he’s a little shit to you. Oops. Shed. Wait no it’s okay I didn’t say it out loud. Anyways. Don’t let this one get past you, you’ll kick yourself tomorrow _ . Phil draws in a deep breath and straightens up, gathering his confidence. “Yeah, I found some really great writing actually. The author writes a lot of smut, but this was one of their cuter ones.” Phil grins as he pulls the tab back up, showing Dan the fic that he’s now sure his boyfriend wrote.

 

Smiling against Phil's neck, Dan murmurs, “That's nice. Did you miss me so much you had to resort to fanfic?” He teases, but his tone is light, and he raises his head to look at the page Phil has pulled up on his laptop. For a moment, he skims over the first few sentences, oblivious, and then the realization that this is  _ another one of his  _ fanfiction stories hits him.  _ How does he not know this is me yet?  _ Dan wonders, feeling his chest clench as he chews at his lower lip.  _ Will he care? No, I'm sure he won't. Why am I so nervous about this?  _ Mentally kicking himself, Dan straightens up, hands coming to rest on Phil's shoulders. He trails his fingers across the nape of Phil's neck before carding them through his dyed black hair, gently massaging his head like he's taken to doing more recently. “This is the third time you've looked at a fic written by this person. What's their name, poohbear09? I bet they'd be happy to know that AmazingPhil is fanboying over their work.”

 

“Yeah, poohbear09. Cute, right?” Phil grins up at Dan innocently, but laughter is bubbling inside his chest threatening to leave at any moment. “I don’t know, I just really like their writing. I hope they write more… their voice is just really nice and I think they’re really talented. They probably don’t even know how amazing they are.” Phil’s tone is full of warmth as he speaks about his boyfriend under this ridiculous pseudonym. “Maybe I will respond to them. I need to finish all their fics first, though. I’ve been staying away from some of the smuttier ones, but you know… maybe there’s some good insight there. Maybe I can learn some tricks from all the analytics our fans have done on you. Figure out some of your… preferences from his writing.” Phil does his best to wink and, unsurprisingly, fails miserably. 

 

Rolling his eyes with an undignified snort, Dan stops massaging Phil's head, pulling back just enough to press a soft kiss to his forehead. The action helps him shove down the worry rising in his chest.  _ Why did I write about my kinks?  _ Mentally facepalming, Dan curses his past self, resting his chin on top of Phil's head. A part of him wants to share everything about himself with Phil, but another part of him is still whispering that no one will ever truly love him if they know  _ everything  _ about him. Still, Phil is the most important person in his life, and Dan knows that he deserves to know. He won't tell the blue eyed male anything, but he won't stop him from trying to figure things out, either. He knows that he has to learn how to be open about himself, even if the prospect is a bit more daunting with Phil as his boyfriend as well as his best friend now. Taking a deep breath, Dan brushes another kiss across Phil's forehead, the featherlight action simply a way to tell the other male that he doesn't mind. “I mean, it's just something a fan wrote. Don't count on all of it being real.”  _ Bullshit. _

 

Shaking his head fondly, Phil nearly rolls his eyes. “I’ll keep it in mind.” He leans backwards, indicating for Dan to bend down and kiss him, and smiling as his boyfriend does just that. “Now leave! I can’t edit while you’re here, and as much as I’d love to spend every second of every day with you, you’re banished to the rest of the house and not allowed back in until midnight!” Phil giggles at his own dramatics, but he holds his ground. Grabbing his cereal and clicking back to the video, Phil takes a bite and makes a ‘shooing’ motion with his hand, smiling as his boyfriend pouts.

 

Huffing in annoyance, but seeing the sense in Phil's words, Dan gently twines his hands in Phil's hair and tugs him in for a kiss. He smiles against his mouth, holding him in place for another moment before letting him go. “Fine, fine. Let me know when I'm allowed to see my boyfriend again.” Sticking his tongue out at Phil in a classic childish gesture, Dan grabs his own bowl of cereal with a soft, irritated grumble. Still muttering under his breath, but the dimples set into his cheeks letting Phil know that he's not actually upset, Dan wanders out of their gaming room, leaving Phil to edit and pondering what to do now that he's alone again. He knows that he really shouldn't depend so heavily on Phil, but he's spent so much time with the other man over the past eight years that it's second nature to have him at his side.

 

The minute the door clicks shut behind Dan, Phil has poohbear09’s phanfiction account open and is scrolling through the fics posted there. He’s shocked when he finds over forty fics under this name, and smiles, shaking his head at how much his boyfriend had pined over him. He decides to start at the beginning. It’s only 5pm, meaning he has at least seven hours to make it through Dan’s writing. In the end he doesn’t make it through all of them, but he gets the information out of them that he wanted. First of all, Dan’s writing is incredible. Now that he’s made the connection in his mind Phil can’t believe he didn’t recognize Dan’s voice in the writing earlier. Secondly, the stories are adorable. Nearly all of them are based on real events, most of which their audience knew nothing about and could never distinguish from fiction, but they all end in either fairytale-like happy endings with romance and promises of a future together, or they end in Dan finally working up the nerve to say something and having Phil shoot him down, ruining their friendship. Every single fic is written from Dan’s point of view (unsurprisingly), and Phil’s truly entranced by the writing. He snaps out of it and to attention, though, when he starts getting to the smut laced throughout Dan’s different works. He makes a mental list of the things he comes across, making sure to remember these to use in the future. The writing is a bit crass to Phil and at first it’s strange to read, but soon he relaxes and almost giggles when he remembers that it’s  _ Dan _ who wrote this, while thinking about  _ him. _ It’s cute… in a really weird, kinky way. By the end of the seven hours Phil is sure he knows much more about his boyfriend and grins confidently through his sleepy yawn, standing up to stretch and clicking off the page, making his way to Dan’s room.

 

Dan nearly jumps to his feet when he hears a knock at his door, instantly sitting up straighter and setting his laptop aside. “Come in!” He calls out, trying to relax back into a more casual position- one that makes it look as if Dan wasn't just waiting for Phil -as his bedroom door swings open. Dan feels his dimples cave into his cheeks as Phil comes into view, automatically smiling at the sight of his boyfriend. He's been waiting for  _ eight years  _ to be able to have that reaction to Phil's presence, and he's not prepared to play it down now. 

 

“You’re adorable.” Phil smiles as he sees Dan grinning like a lost puppy as Phil enters the room. He walks up to the edge of the bed, putting one knee down on the mattress and then collapsing entirely, sprawled across Dan’s lap. “‘M sleepy.” he mumbles into the duvet on top of Dan’s thigh, sighing deeply. “Missed you.” his mind is slowly shutting down, feeling as if he’s drunk off exhaustion. “You’re dirty.” he adds, almost as an afterthought - a reaction to all the fanfiction he’s read today. “But I like it. I like you.” taking a deep breath, Phil rolls onto his back on Dan’s lap, pulling the brunette down into an awkwardly-angled kiss. “Mmm you smell good.”

 

“Thanks, I think.” Dan laughs even as he kisses Phil back, his hands automatically sliding underneath his shoulders to pull him upright. Phil's mouth is soft against his, lips parted sleepily, and Dan pulls back before the kiss can turn into something more heated. “Sleep in my bed tonight.” He urges, already knowing what Phil's answer will be to his suggestion. Both of them have been sleeping in Dan’s bed for the past several days, falling into a pattern of shared warmth and tired complaints about stolen blankets, something peacefully intimate that neither of them would trade for the world. 

 

“My room’s office now.” Phil murmurs confusedly, trying to remember their previous conversation but only being able to pick out that one joke that hadn’t really been a joke. “I’m sleep in our bed.” he frowns, knowing something is wrong with that sentence but not being able to pick it out. Phil shrugs, giving up as he huffs and moves himself, turning in the bed until he’s laid lengthwise with Dan, curling up to his side. “Mmm, you like marks.” Phil mumbles triumphantly, face planting into Dan’s shoulder and sucking a lazy hickey there, moving to bite a little farther back afterwards. He takes a moment to smile and admire his work, and then falls back onto the pillow, pulling himself as close to Dan as he can get.

 

Dan sucks in a sharp breath as he feels Phil carefully biting into his skin, swearing under his breath and wondering yet again  _ why  _ he felt the need to write about his kinks. “You're such a tease.” He whines, though he lays down beside Phil and tugs him up against his chest anyways. Nosing at the top of Phil's head, Dan smiles against his hair, feeling too warm in his clothes but not wanting to disturb the exhausted blue eyed man. He'll gladly endure a few hours of uncomfortable heat if it means having Phil nestled into his side.

 

“I am not a tease!” Phil protests. “You’re just an overgrown teenager who can’t take one kiss without popping a boner.” he giggles as he feels the side of Dan’s face and his chest heat up in embarrassment, and leans up to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek and then his lips. “It’s okay. It’s not a problem I mind.” Phil grins at Dan, biting his lip as his smile spreads from ear to ear, then collapsing onto Dan’s chest and listening to his heartbeat.

 

“I hate you.” Dan mutters, but his tone is fond, and he hides his face in Phil's tousled hair as he flushes. He inhales Phil's familiar scent, murmuring a muffled, half-assed comment about him needing a shower but not truly minding at all. If anything, it makes the natural, fruity scent surrounding Phil seem stronger, the smell of raspberries, coffee, and cinnamon lulling Dan into a quiet sense of peace. Despite the sweat beginning to form on his forehead from the heat that comes with sharing a bed with another person, he finds himself drifting, reality beginning to blur with his dreams as he falls asleep.

 

“No you don’t. You love me.” Phil murmurs. He’s half asleep and doesn’t even realize what he’s said as he smiles into Dan’s shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the exposed skin there.

 

Dan holds his breath, waiting until Phil's chest is rising and falling evenly before replying with a soft, “Maybe I do.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Phil wakes up with a yawn, hugging the warm body he’s constricted around tighter, breathing in the sweet, woody scent of his boyfriend. He opens his eyes slowly to take in Dan’s features, unable to help the grin that takes over his face. Dan is so beautiful, both inside and out, and Phil can’t believe he’d unconsciously denied himself this much happiness for so many years. He wants to make it up to Dan, and suddenly Phil’s mind goes on overdrive beginning to think of something he could do for his boyfriend to show him how much Phil truly cares. Several thoughts go through Phil’s head, but eventually he settles on a nice dinner out. It’s unlikely that they’ll run into any of their subscribers at a fancy restaurant, and maybe they could get at least a somewhat-private table. Slipping out of Dan’s grasp slowly, so as not to wake his boyfriend, Phil steps out of the room and pulls out his phone, calling the nicest restaurant in town to make a reservation for two that night.

 

When Dan wakes up, the first thing he notices is the absence of warmth, of comfort. Of  _ Phil.  _ Eyes cracking open, Dan struggles with his duvet for a moment, clumsily pulling himself into a sitting position. With a groan, he rubs at his eyes, tugging his comforter farther up his bare chest to protect himself from the faint chill in the room.  _ How did I even sleep without Phil before?  _ Shaking his head to himself, Dan fumbles for his phone, nearly dropping it as he grabs it off of his bedside table. The time reads a quarter past ten in the morning. Knowing that he should probably get out of bed, if for no reason other than to search for Phil, Dan stretches, a yawn making his eyes water. Now that he's feeling slightly more awake, Dan can hear footsteps beneath him in the lounge or kitchen. Still drowsy, but wanting to scold Phil for leaving him to freeze, the brunette gets to his feet and heads downstairs.

 

Phil jumps in surprise as he sees Dan round the corner, nearly flinging the hot pot of coffee in his hand at the sleepy man in front of him. “Oh my god! Dan! You need to stop scaring me in the morning!” Phil laughs, turning to pour the dark brown liquid into the two mugs he has out, returning it, and then walking over to Dan to pull him into a long hug. “Good morning. You smell nice.” Phil smiles into Dan’s shirt, hugging him tightly. “Coffee?” Phil doesn’t wait for an answer as he adds just the perfect amount of cream and sugar that each of them like, handing Dan’s over to him. “I’m not letting you kiss me until I’ve coated my morning breath with coffee breath. Maybe I’ll have a garlic and onion bagel too, just to top it all of.” Phil attempts a wink at Dan, failing miserably and sighing before leaning over to press a close mouthed kiss to Dan’s lips over their coffee mugs.

 

Dan gives Phil a sour look, grabbing a mug of coffee and beginning to drink it immediately. As annoyed as he wants to be at Phil for abandoning him to the cold, the coffee is perfect, and Dan likes it more than most of the coffee he makes himself. There's no doubt that Phil knows him well, probably better than Dan himself, and he knows that the blue eyed man wouldn't have left him without a reason. Dan just doesn't understand that reason yet. He can feels his energy returning as he sips at his coffee, beginning to relax as the familiar, warm smell of it fills the air. “Why'd you leave this morning?” Dan asks, but by the time the question leaves his mouth his irritation has vanished, leaving him feeling exposed and vulnerable.

 

“I just wanted to make some coffee.” Phil responds nonchalantly. “Anyways, are you gonna pay for that?” he straightens up to look professional, eyeing the coffee in Dan’s hands, using a slightly higher pitched voice than his normal husky morning voice. He grins as Dan looks up at him in confusion and shrugs, shaking his head. “They always think they can just come in and flirt and get their coffee for free. It doesn’t matter how cute you are, you still have to pay.” Phil is talking to the air next to Dan’s face. “Although… there are several forms of payment I’ll accept.” He returns his gaze to meet Dan’s, and Phil actually succeeds in a wink at him now, walking up and pressing a slow kiss right below Dan’s ear. When he hears a ‘Wha?’ in response, Phil dissolves into laughter, returning to his normal voice. “Sorry… something told me you had a thing for roleplay - figured I’d try it out.” he grins, loving the information he’s gained from reading Dan’s fiction, feeling far too powerful with the upper hand it gives him on his boyfriend.

 

Mouth falling open, Dan stares as Phil, emotions warring in his mocha eyes. Finally, he settles for smacking at Phil's arm, huffing softly as he takes another sip of his coffee. He holds the mug close to his face, knowing that it won't entirely hide the flush creeping up his neck, but desperately wanting to hold onto his secrets.  _ It's just a game. He doesn't actually know anything, and this is all a game. He's just messing with me.  _ Not believing himself for a heartbeat, but forcing his mind to accept the thought, Dan offers Phil a slightly strained smirk. “Maybe I would be if you had any real acting skills.” Dimples forming, Dan winks at his boyfriend, relishing in the fact that he can pull off the gesture. Scurrying away before Phil can retaliate, Dan hurries off and settles himself down onto their couch. 

 

“Shut up!” Phil whines at Dan, eyes narrowing as his boyfriend shuffles away. Phil follows him and puts his hands on either side of Dan on the couch, forcing him to look at Phil. “The video is done, can you look it over before we post it? Also… we’re going out to dinner tonight, so take a shower and get something nice to wear ready. Make sure it’s ironed. Think you can do that for me, Bear?” Phil bites his lip as he uses the name he saw so consistently in Dan’s fics, truly thanking the tumblr gods for allowing him to find Dan’s works that have taught him so,  _ so _ much important information that is getting put to use now.

 

Dan feels his face heat up at the use of the nickname, resisting the urge to squirm. When Phil mentions dinner, however, Dan immediately snaps to attention. “Of course I'll look over it. And you planned dinner? Um, wow . . . Okay.” Taken aback by the kind action, Dan smiles up at Phil, patting the space next to him in an invitation for the other man to join him on the couch.  _ Of course he planned something. It's Phil.  _ Dan can't even remember how long it's been since he last went on a proper date, and he's certainly never had anyone as perfect as Phil before. Eyes narrowing playfully, Dan leans his head on Phil's shoulder once the dark haired man takes a seat beside him. Craning his neck to gaze up at Phil, Dan bats his eyelashes at him in a dramatic show, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Are we going on a  _ date,  _ Phil?” He questions, already knowing the answer, but wanting to see Phil's embarrassment at having to provide him with a response.

 

“Wow a guy makes you a coffee and suddenly you’re propositioning a date? Can’t a barista get a break around here?” Phil returns to his high pitched voice, raising a hand to his chest in mock-surprise. “I don’t generally date customers but…” Phil leans down, shifting them so Dan’s head is no longer on his shoulder and they’re nose to nose, breathing in each other’s air as he holds Dan’s eye contact. “I suppose for someone like you…” Phil intentionally rakes his gaze down Dan’s face and to his lips, hovering there. “I could make an exception.” licking his lips, Phil leans in just the slightest, but the moment he sees Dan’s lips part and his boyfriend begin to move in, Phil backs away and stands up, straightening his clothes as if nothing had happened. “If I’m going to date a stranger, though, I’d need to know that they’re a diligent and hard worker, so if that stranger had… say a video that they needed to edit… I’d have to wait until they were done to give them any of my time.” Phil grins at Dan before leaving the room, satisfied with his performance.

 

“One of these days, Phil, I might actually kill you.” Dan groans, grabbing a pillow off of their couch and half-heartedly throwing it at Phil's retreating form. With a sigh, he pulls up his phone, mindlessly browsing through Tumblr until he gathers the resolve to edit their latest gaming video. If it wasn't for the date Phil had planned for tonight, Dan would be considering a way to get his revenge on his boyfriend for the near-constant teasing, but he can't bring himself to do anything with the promise of a dinner spent with the blue eyed man he's come to adore so much.  _ Maybe even love _ . Forcing the thought away, Dan swallows as he makes his way into their gaming room. Surely, he can't love Phil in that way yet. It's far too soon. Shrugging off the heavy emotions threatening to overwhelm him, Dan sits down in front of their desk to edit.

 

“You couldn’t kill me.” Phil giggles, leaving the room. He makes his way into his own room, pulling out his laptop and opening up tumblr. He finds Dan’s page, giggling at the pseudonym that now seems far too obvious, and begins reading through his works, finishing up the last few that he hadn’t had a chance to read the night before. By the time he’s finished it’s getting towards late afternoon and Phil pulls out a nice outfit, getting out the iron and table, laying the shirt over the board and plugging in the iron. Thinking that he should tell Dan so they could do it at the same time, Phil heads into the gaming room. He sees Dan staring in concentration at the monitor and smiles, softness taking over his features at this candid sight of Dan. Careful not to alert Dan to his presence, Phil sneaks up behind him and wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders from behind, pressing a quick kiss to Dan’s cheek as he holds Dan’s arms tightly so the brunette can’t flail and end up hurting either of them or their computer monitors.

 

“Jesus, Phil!” Dan squeals, the high pitched noise echoing throughout the small room. “You scared me.” He mutters, stating the obvious as his heartbeat slowly returns to normal. Getting out of his chair, Dan stretches as he stands up. Phil's pale skin is practically glowing in the dark room, and Dan giggles. “It's almost like I'm seeing an actual ghost.” Despite his teasing words, Dan is quick to pull Phil into a short, sweet kiss, gently nipping at the older man’s lower lip and tugging at the soft skin there. He releases Phil with a soft exhalation of breath, unable to keep the smile off of his face. He's going on a date with this person tonight. He, Dan Howell, has a date with the most incredible person alive. Sure, he might be biased, but to him Phil is truly wonderful in every way. Dan loves his imperfections as well as his best traits, and that's what should scare him, but it doesn't. 

 

Phil walked into the room with a clear mind, but something about Dan’s teeth on his lip and the little breath he lets go as they pull away wrenches at Phil’s gut, and suddenly he’s pulling Dan back for more. He presses their lips together roughly as he pulls Dan away from his desk and to the wall, pushing him against it and pinning him to the wall with his body, hands coming to rest on Dan’s waist. “You’re so freaking beautiful.” Phil whispers into Dan’s mouth, moving to nibble on his ear, overwhelmed with his own sudden desire. Phil’s lips travel down Dan’s neck and then over and across the center of his throat, smiling into the skin as he gets the response he knew he would; Dan’s hips moving up into his own. Moving back to Dan’s mouth, he moans directly into Dan’s lips as Phil juts his own hips up in response. “So beautiful.” he repeats, his voice scratchy and raw.

 

“Phil.” Dan’s voice is strangled, caught somewhere between a breathy whisper and a moan. Hips hips move on their own accord, even as Dan turns his head away from Phil in an effort to protect his neck. “We can't right now. Don't tempt me.” He murmurs, pressing himself back up against the wall to create a gap between their bodies. Everything in him in screaming to kiss Phil again, to wind his hands in his dark hair and tug him closer, but he can't allow that right now. As much as Dan craves this feeling, he's also looking forward to their date, and he's determined to not be late to dinner.

 

“Why can’t we?” Phil murmurs lowly, staying close to Dan but stopping his motions and refraining from kissing his boyfriend again. No matter how much he wants to, Dan said no and Phil isn’t going to keep at it when Dan gave him such a clear boundary. When Dan whispers back, ‘Dinner.’ Phil’s eyes go wide. “Shit!” he doesn’t even care that he swore as Phil dashes out of the room, leaving a confused Dan on the wall. He gets back to the ironing board, and Phil’s heart drops as he sees a sizable hole in his burnt shirt, steam pouring from the iron and the shirt and pooling on the ceiling. He dashes over to unplug the iron and then picks it up, trying to blow off the shirt and see if it’s fixable, but it’s made clear quickly that the shirt is a goner by the grapefruit-sized hole in the arm and chest. Phil sighs, slumping into a chair as he looks over the destruction caused by his distraction. 

 

Dan frowns as Phil rushes out of the room, slightly concerned. His boyfriend almost never swears, and even off camera it's rare to hear. Dan bites at his lower lip, chewing at the chapped skin there as he tries to ignore the rush of warmth Phil using that word brings. Shaking himself out of his daze, Dan hurries after the blue eyed male, worry and lingering arousal making his stomach churn. When he reaches Phil though, he has to cover his mouth to stifle a giggle, knowing that his boyfriend won't appreciate his laughter right now.  _ You're such an idiot.  _ Instead of voicing his thoughts, Dan simply reaches for Phil's hand, pulling him to his feet. “You'll be hearing about this later. But for now, let's find you another shirt.” 

 

Phil pouts as he allows Dan to help him up, letting his body go limp and fall forward into his boyfriend’s arms. He knows he’s acting like a child, but he just wants to be held and allowed to forget his fault. Eventually Dan shoves him off lightly and Phil gives him a shy smile, embarrassed by his mistake. He walks with Dan to his room and pulls out his second favorite dress shirt, smoothing it out with his hands and deeming it decent enough so long as it’s tucked in to not have to be ironed. Phil takes a moment to model for Dan, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and biting his lip, satisfaction rising in him at the sight of his boyfriend’s flushing cheeks. “You’re adorable.” he murmurs as he pulls his shirt over his head, replacing it with the much nicer one as he begins working at the bottom buttons, glancing up at Dan periodically to catch him staring at Phil’s exposed chest, a sprinkling of dark curly hair peeking out from where it hasn’t been buttoned yet.

 

Dan clears his throat, tearing his gaze away from the bare skin of Phil's chest, briefly wondering if he can convince his boyfriend to leave the top button or two of his shirt undone. With a sigh, he forces himself to look anywhere but the exposed, pale expanse of skin. He remembers when he used to picture himself standing next to a girl, imagining the way he would have to rip his eyes away from her breasts. Now though, faced with Phil's flat chest riddled with dark, curly hairs, Dan doesn't feel at all disappointed. Instead, the sight sends a shiver down his spine, and Dan has to glance at his shoes before he can become too distracted. They have a dinner to get to, and he isn't willing to trade that, even if it means that he won't be able to pull Phil into his bedroom or admire all of his curves and edges.

 

Buttoning up the top buttons of his shirt, Phil leans in to press a soft peck to Dan’s lips before making his way to the bathroom. He does his business and then goes to the sink, turning on the cold water. The minute the water is turned on high the faucet suddenly shoots off and hits Phil in the cheekbone, rocketed into the air by the torrent of water that’s suddenly shooting out of the base of the faucet in their sink, drenching Phil as the knob comes off in his hand. “Dan!” Phil yelps, skidding away and accidentally slipping on the pool of water forming on the floor. He hits the ground hard and his head connects with the porcelain of the tub, making his vision swim.

 

Dan stiffens as he hears a loud crash, calling out a cautious, “Phil?” When he's met with silence, Dan immediately hurries towards the bathroom, worry making his stomach churn. Knocking on the door, the brunette pauses for a moment. “Phil?” His heart beginning to pound in his chest, Dan tries the handle and finds it unlocked. Stepping into the bathroom, his gaze falls on his boyfriend, his lanky form curled into a ball on the cold tile. Water is spraying through the air, but Dan ignores it, focused on the lump lying in a puddle on the floor. Eyes widening, he kneels down next to Phil, gently shaking his shoulder.  _ Please be okay, please be okay.  _ Thoughts panicked, Dan feels his heart twist in his chest as he waits for a response.

 

Phil’s vision gets worse and worse and he curls up to try to shield himself from the light that’s messing with his brain, swirling in and out. In the distance Phil feels like he hears a voice, feels hands on his shoulders, feels himself being moved, but everything is getting dark and the voice is feeling farther and farther away. He sighs as he allows the blackness to take over, slipping into unconsciousness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

After the initial shock of finding Phil unconscious, Dan scrambles to grab his phone, fumbling as he pulls it out of the pocket in his jeans. Taking a deep breath, Dan wills his fingers to stop trembling as he dials 999. Mouth dry, he waits for someone to pick up. His mind is blank as he gazes at his boyfriend’s still body, and it takes him a moment to register that there's someone on the phone. “Hello? I'm- I need an ambulance. My boyfriend fell, and he's not moving . . .” Dan trails off, unshed tears stinging his eyes.  _ It's okay, Phil's okay.  _ “Please send help.” His voice comes out surprisingly calm, quiet and afraid rather than panicked. Shock is making him cold, and his hand shakes as he holds his phone.

 

Dan looks so pretty. He’s smiling that huge smile that he makes whenever Phil does something too ridiculous, and there’s a ring of light around him. His features are soft, dimples caving in as his eyes crinkle, looking at Phil with an overwhelming amount of joy and adoration. The happiness radiates off of him and it makes Phil feel bubbly as well, smiling hugely as he takes his boyfriend in his arms, hugging on the strange floating cloud-ish surface they’re standing on. Phil sighs, nuzzling into Dan’s shoulder and hair, never having felt warmer or happier in his life.

 

“There's an ambulance coming. You're gonna be fine.” Dan whispers, sliding his arms under Phil's back and gently pulling him into his lap. He cards his fingers through Phil's hair, the touch light and careful as he plays with the damp strands. Help is coming. Phil will be okay, he  _ has  _ to be. Dan swallows as he sees Phil smile, the expression just barely tugging the corners of his mouth up.  _ Can he hear me?  _ Doubtful, but needing something to distract him from the severity of the situation, Dan continues to talk to Phil, “You never finished editing that video, did you? There's something to wake up for.” He laughs, but the noise comes out choked, sounding more like a sob. “You have so much to wake up for.”

 

Phil’s grin widens into Dan’s shoulder as he inhales his boyfriend’s scent. He can feel Dan’s fingers playing through his hair, and he squeezes tighter to the glowing man in his arms. “You’re perfect.” he murmurs into Dan’s skin, and suddenly he feels like he might cry. Tears begin to spill over but Phil is smiling, hugging his angelic boyfriend as close as he can. “I love you so much.”

 

Dan ducks his head, bending over Phil as he presses his lips to the tears streaming down his cheeks. He brushes kiss after kiss across his face, the gesture featherlight and barely noticeable, starting at the delicate skin just under his eyes before moving to his forehead and nose. Smiling at Phil's whispered confession, Dan wraps his arms around his boyfriend's still form, hugging him closer. “I know. I know you do.” He murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut as he brings their foreheads together. The sound of sirens screeching in the distance is gradually becoming louder, and Dan silently wills Phil to hold on for a few more minutes.

 

Phil’s mouth finds Dan’s as he smiles into his boyfriend’s soft lips, biting hungrily at the flesh there. He allows himself to be led backwards until he’s falling and Dan’s falling on top of him. They land on the soft, squishy ground and Phil giggles as Dan attacks his neck with kisses. Phil soon steals those kisses for his own lips, jutting up into Dan’s hips with his own as the kiss intensifies. Soon tongues are being exchanged and clothes are simply disappearing as sweat creates a sheen on their skin, only making Dan glisten and sparkle even more. Phil moans as he rolls with Dan, separated only by thin cloth now as they move together as one.

 

Dan's eyes widen as Phil lets out a soft moan, the noise low and desperate. Before he can react, though, someone is pounding on the apartment’s front door, the sirens now directly outside of their home. Not wanting to leave Phil, but knowing he has to, Dan rushes to answer the door. He pulls it open, quickly diving into the best explanation his mind can produce through the haze of worry clouding his thoughts. “My boyfriend fell, and he was unconscious when I found him. He- He's in the bathroom, follow me.”

 

Phil groans as he feels all of Dan against him, the thin fabric long gone. Sweat is making his skin feel heavy and he smiles as Dan brushes it away for him, coming back down to suck a hickey into Phil’s throat that makes him let out a sharp squeal. His hips are rocking steadily now, and his eyes widen as Dan lifts his calves up, resting his ankles on the gorgeous brunette’s shoulders. Phil looks Dan in the eyes hungrily, nodding before Dan moves, pressing in immediately. Somehow Phil is already ready for him, and Dan is slick and slippery, pushing in with ease before pulling out and pressing right back in, earning a groan from Phil that could compete with a lion’s roar as he feels all of Dan filling him up.

 

“He's in here.” Dan turns his attention away from the paramedics as he carefully pushes the bathroom door open. He immediately crouches down beside Phil, laying his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder and frowning as Phil unconsciously shifts his hips.  _ Oh my god.  _ Dan has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop himself from making a noise, torn between feeling embarrassed for the other man and laughing, because Phil's  _ hard.  _ Choosing to ignore the awkward situation, Dan subtly leans a bit farther over Phil, doing what he can to cover the obvious tent in his boyfriend's jeans. “I'm not sure exactly what happened. There was a crash, and I ran in here and found him like this.” He explains, mocha eyes wide as his worry comes rushing back to him. 

 

“Daaaaaaaaannn!” Phil moans, biting his lip as Dan rubs against that magical bundle of nerves deep within himself. “So good.” he gasps, hands flung above his head, allowing himself to be controlled, held up on Dan’s shoulders as he’s pressed back again and again by the motions of his boyfriend’s hips. “Please yes just a little more, just a little more.” Phil feels white hot pleasure building in him, threatening to erupt as Dan bites gently at Phil’s shoulder, making him curl his toes and scrunch his face up in pained pleasure.

 

Dan nearly chokes as Phil moans, the breathy noise falling from his lips in the form of Dan’s name. He coughs, hoping to distract the paramedics from the sound as his forehead creases in concern. The noises Phil's producing are more than alluring, but he's far too panicked to be aroused right now, and Dan silently thanks the universe that he's able to keep a more or less clear mind. “Are you going to take him to a hospital?”

 

Phil gasps as his abdomen tightens, and then he’s releasing and Dan’s still pumping into him heavily, working Phil through as he goes on for longer than he ever has before, revelling in the lasting ecstasy. Soon he’s being filled up and he smiles lazily, opening his eyes to gaze up at Dan. His eyebrows pull together in slight confusion as he sees that Dan has cat eyes and fluffy ears, but he shrugs it off. As soon as the thought had surprised him, suddenly it seemed entirely normal. So when Phil opens his mouth to tell Dan how much he loves him, it makes complete sense that a loud and long meow escapes, followed by a warm and contented purr.

 

Face heating up, Dan slides his jacket off, wrapping it around Phil's lower half and mumbling a quick explanation about his boyfriend seeming cold when the paramedics give him a confused look. The broken faucet in the sink is still spraying water all across the bathroom, soaking everyone, and Dan prays that they won't question his excuse about Phil needing another layer of warmth. Two paramedics, both older women who look like they're regulars at the gym, begin to lift Phil onto a stretcher. Dan moves between them, keeping an anxious eye on what's happening until one of the women gives him a sharp glare. Swallowing, he takes a pace back, watching as his boyfriend is lifted off of the ground.

 

Phil smiles as Dan leans down, licking Phil’s cheek with a long, forked tongue. Phil giggles, but the sound comes out more as a chicken’s squawk, only making him laugh harder. His eyes close while he laughs, and when he opens them his face drops as he sees that Dan has disappeared. Confused and cold now, he looks around, seeing that he’s on a hard desert floor, stretching out for miles in each direction. When he hears a roar, Phil leaps up on unsteady legs. He turns to see a huge lion the size of a minivan racing towards him and he turns and begins to run, but it’s as if he’s in slow motion, running as fast as he can but only moving a few inches every second, the lion’s breath hot on his back as tears stream down his face.

 

Dan gasps as he sees tears spilling onto Phil's cheeks, pushing past the irritated paramedics in an effort to reach the dark haired man. “Phil? Phil, what's wrong?” He questions, despite already knowing that he won't get an answer. Still, he gently cups his face and brushes a light kiss across his forehead, wincing as he notes how his skin is even more pale than usual. “I'll be in the ambulance with you. I'm right here, always.” Dan promises, grabbing at Phil's hand and lacing their fingers together as the two paramedics begin to move him once again.

 

The minute Phil feels a weight hit his back he squeezes his eyes shut, falling to the ground on his back. He opens one eye slowly, surprised when he no longer sees a big and scary lion, but instead sees Simba from the lion king, still a baby cub as he bops Phil on the nose with a fluffy two dimensional paw. “Hey!” Phil giggles. Simba growls in a way that reminds Phil much of his own ‘intimidating’ growls, the ones that try to be scary but end up just silly and - as Phil’s been told at least - cute. Suddenly the two are wrestling, and the mechanics don’t make any sense because Simba is an animated, two dimensional being in a three dimensional world, but it works and Phil giggles as he tickles the lion into submission.

 

Dan glances down at Phil as his boyfriend quickly switches to giggling, his tears vanishing just as suddenly as they appeared. His eyebrows arching, Dan simply holds Phil's hand as the women carry him to the ambulance, carefully maneuvering his lanky body through the double doors on the stretcher. The sky is heavy with dark gray clouds, but it's not raining, and Dan feels a wave of relief wash over him. The paramedics seem experienced, and they manage get Phil into the ambulance without much difficulty, barely jostling the blue eyed man as they move him, something Dan is beyond grateful for. 

 

Phil frowns as Simba opens his mouth, but he’s no longer roaring or talking like Simba - now it’s Dan’s voice that’s escaping the sharp-toothed jaws. Phil groans, rolling his eyes as Lion Cub Dan begins to lecture Phil on why it’s not okay to accept unpackaged sweets from strangers, no matter how tasty they look. Phil shoves Lion Dan jokingly, then squeaks in terror, pulling back as the two dimensional lion cub breaks into a hundred ravens, cawing as they fly away into the air, circling around Phil’s head before disappearing into the sudden dark, heavy clouds that feel too low in the sky.

 

Dan crouches down beside the stretcher as the paramedics lock it into place, refusing to let go of Phil's hand despite the dirty looks the two women are giving him as he gets in their way. Neither of them say a word, though, and soon enough they're speeding towards The Royal London Hospital. Dan alternates between looking down at Phil and gazing out of the windows of the ambulance, doing his best to keep an eye on his boyfriend while watching streetlights and cars pass by in a blurry haze.

 

Phil’s entire body shudders as suddenly the temperature drops and he’s on a tiny patch of ice, drifting through the sea as snow collects in his hair. He can see fins of killer whales circling him, and he knows that soon he’ll be knocked off the ice and into the freezing water to be eaten up by the orcas. He shivers, wrapping his arms around himself and turning his back to the wind as he’s suddenly hit by splitting pain in his head. Screaming, Phil falls to his knees, pain shooting between his temples as he cries out for Dan - for someone to help him. 

 

Dan jumps as Phil suddenly screams, nearly dropping his hand in his shock. Instead, he intertwines their fingers more tightly together, rushing to do what he can to soothe his boyfriend. Praying that Phil can hear him, Dan gently lays his other hand against the side of his face, murmuring, “Hey, it's okay. I'm right here. I'll always be right here, remember? It's not real. You're just having a bad dream, Phil. Everything’s fine, I promise.” He vows, gnawing at his lower lip anxiously and wondering if Phil can understand his words, or if he's even helping at all.

 

Phil screams and grunts at the pain in his head, holding it between his hands, willing the splitting and stabbing sensation to leave. Suddenly the ice gets knocked to the side and Phil is falling into the icy water. He gasps, sitting upright as everything shifts, and he looks around him, blinking confusedly at the small room around him - two women in uniforms looking at him while holding clipboards and medical equipment, and Dan by his side, hand thrown away as Phil sat up. “It hurts so bad.” Phil winces, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, leaning against Dan for comfort.

 

Dan sits up straighter, automatically grinning as Phil blinks open his eyes. His expression falls slightly when the black haired man murmurs something about being in pain, and his smile takes on a degree of concern and sympathy. Still, he's beyond relieved that Phil is conscious, and he can't help but press a soft kiss to his nose, encouraging him to stay awake. “I know, Lion.” The nickname slips out before Dan can stop it, but he can't find it in himself to mind the fond tone in his voice, simply glad that Phil's eyes are even open at all. “I'm sorry. You'll feel better soon, I promise.”

 

Phil softens for a moment at the nickname, smiling through the pain as he tilts his head up to plant an awkward kiss between Dan’s chin and jaw, ill-placed through his pain, but getting his point across nonetheless. “Why does it hurt so much? What happened?” Phil cries, and then suddenly his eyes widen as he flails wildly. One of the medics really must be used to this, because she knows exactly what Phil is trying to communicate and there’s a bucket shoved into Phil’s hands the minute that his stomach unloads, the contents spewing against the walls of the cold plastic container. He hears murmurs about a concussion as the medics write on their clipboards, and Phil leans into Dan’s chest as he groans in discomfort, now releasing just water into the bucket - his stomach having nothing more to offer.

 

Dan winces, brushing Phil's fringe out of his face and gently cradling him up against his chest as best he can at the awkward angle. By the time Phil's done throwing up, they're pulling up to the hospital, and the two paramedics appear a moment later, unlocking Phil's stretcher and lifting him once more. Dan sets the bucket down, unsure of where to leave it. Wishing that he could hold Phil more tightly, but not wanting to hurt him and not having any space to do so, Dan simply continues to hold his hand. With a soft, worried sigh, he presses a gentle kiss to the top of Phil's head before pulling back. “I'm going to find you some water once we get you into a room, okay?” He murmurs, chocolate eyes hesitant. He knows that Phil is in good hands, but he's still unsure about the idea of leaving him, even for a moment.

 

Frowning up at Dan, Phil tightens his grasp on the brunette’s hand. “No… don’t leave me.” When Dan frowns, Phil adds a soft, “Please.” His forehead is covered in a sheen of sweat and his vision is beginning to swim again, his head pounding, and the only thing tethering him to the earth is the boy in his hand. “I can’t do this without you, Dan.” He doesn’t even care how pitiful he sounds as he pulls Dan’s hand closer to his chest, clutching it there with all the energy he can muster in his weak state.

 

“Okay.” Dan agrees, not having the willpower to argue with Phil. He wasn't looking forward to leaving him anyways, and a part of him is relieved that Phil wants him nearby. “Hey, don't worry.” He comforts, giving the blue eyed man the most gentle look he can manage. His thumb rubbing circles against Phil's palm, Dan raises his other hand to lightly touch his boyfriend’s face, brushing away the sweat beading on his forehead. “I'll always be here. You know that, right?”

 

“I know.” Phil whispers, raising the hand he’s holding to his lips, pressing a weak kiss to Dan’s knuckles. “Thank you.” Phil is drenched in his own sweat, and there are three of Dan in his vision. He finds himself staring in wonder at the many brown eyes gazing back at him, concern clear in their depths. “It’s okay. Don’t worry.” He reassures the pretty eyes, not wanting them to worry. “I love you. It’s okay.” falling back against his pillow in exhaustion, Phil closes his eyes, completely spent.

  
_ There are those words again.  _ Dan sighs, fighting off the bitter mix of shock and panic threatening to rise in his chest.  _ Why can't he just say that when he's not hurt or falling asleep? _ Shaking his head to himself, Dan pulls a chair up next to the small hospital bed Phil's lying in, watching his boyfriend’s face as he drifts off. Mind spinning, Dan drops his head into his hands as he tries to analyze Phil's words. The idea of Phil loving him isn't new, but the possibility of him being  _ in love  _ with Dan is something altogether different. Once more, Dan pushes his worries down and waits until he's sure Phil is asleep before replying with a barely audible, “Me too.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Waking up slowly, Phil opens his eyes and smiles at the boy next to his bed. The boy is so pretty… his hair is all curly and messy, his features are drooped in sleep, and his expression is soft. The curly boy’s hand is in Phil’s and Phil finds himself playing with the long fingers, biting his lip in concentration as he pulls them apart and then lets them snap back together. When the boy wakes with a start after a particularly hard finger snap, Phil shrinks back and lets go of the hand, pulling the blanket up to his chin and hiding - fearing that the curly boy will stop being soft and quiet and start being angry and loud.

 

Dan wakes up to the feeling of someone fiddling with his fingers, tugging them apart before letting them snap back together again. When he opens his eyes, though, the playful touch quickly disappears, leaving his hand cold. Startled by the sudden movement, Dan murmurs something unintelligible, rubbing at his eyes as he tries to find the person who had been playing with his fingers. His eyes land on Phil, and his mocha gaze immediately softens, even as his forehead creases in concern. “Phil? What's wrong?” He mumbles, voice still heavy with sleep and confusion. 

 

Phil’s eyes widen as he hears Dan speak, now more conscious, but still fearing that he might be angry. “Oh. Um. Nothing I just…” Phil shrinks even further back, biting his lip under the blanket, his speech muffled by the cloth he has pulled up to the bridge of his nose. “My head hurts.” he squeaks pitifully, squeezing his eyes tight as he feels pang after pang shoot through his head with every exhale. The pain feels somewhat muted - dull almost, but it’s there and it’s getting worse with every minute.

 

“Oh.” Dan replies intelligently, blinking as he stares at Phil. After a moment, though, he instincts kick in and he leans forward, grabbing Phil's hand and twining their fingers together once more. “Do you want me to ask someone for more pain meds? I don't know how much they gave you earlier.” Dan frowns, the corners of his mouth shifting downwards. He hates being useless, but he offers Phil a weak smile, not wanting his boyfriend to have to deal with anything more than he already is. 

 

“Mmhmm.” Phil agrees, his eyes still shut, but he smiles as he feels Dan lace their fingers and he raises their hands to his cheek, pressing the back of Dan’s hand against his skin and sighing as the cold sooths his overheating face. When the nurse comes in moments later and ups his morphine he sighs in contentment, allowing his scrunched up eyes to relax as the medication works its way through his veins quickly, dulling the pain. “Mmmm.” he sighs, kissing lightly at Dan’s knuckles which are still against his face. “You were Simba!” he giggles, opening his eyes to look at Dan - halfway expecting to see a cartoon lion and frowning a bit when he’s only met with confused brown eyes, but he begins to chuckle again shortly as he realizes just how beautiful the adorable and confused brown eyed man is.

 

Dan raises his eyebrows, unable to keep a soft laugh from bubbling up inside of him. At least Phil is still his normal, quirky self, even if he's a bit drugged at the moment. “You're ridiculous.” Dan informs him, but he's still giggling as he ducks his head and presses a soft kiss to Phil's forehead, more relieved than anything. His best friend and boyfriend is okay, and at the moment, that's the most important thing. “Tell me more about your Simba dream.” 

 

Phil frowns at Dan’s request, trying to remember. He’s getting more and more drowsy every second from the drugs rushing through his veins, but he wants to do this for Dan, so he pulls his eyebrows together and concentrates on staying awake. “Um… so at first we were… um… we were just us.” Phil coughs - he’s certainly  _ not _ telling Dan about the first part of his dream. “And then you started becoming a cat or something and I was making cat noises too… and you had a forked tongue and then you were Simba and there were ravens and then ice and orcas and I was dying and then I saw you and my head hurt but you were pretty so I was happy.” Phil smiles at himself, proud of his explanation. 

 

Dan laughs, his eyebrows only arching higher as he listens to Phil. Despite how happy he is to have the blue eyed man conscious and safe, he can't help but tease him a little bit. “Oh, was that the . . . Pleasant . . . Dream you were having?” Still holding Phil's hand, Dan raises his other hand in an effort to stifle his giggles into his palm, but the noise comes through anyways. “Please, do elaborate.”

 

“What?” Phil asks, frowning in confusion. “No! It was really scary actually! I didn’t like it! It was confusing and I was gonna die! It wasn’t pleasant at all!” his eyes are wide as he tries to make Dan understand just how scary the dream had been. “This is much better. Your hand feels fuzzy.” he giggles as he twiddles the fingers in his hand. “I’m fuzzy. Everything’s fuzzy!” 

 

“Mm.” Dan makes a noncommittal noise, afraid to open his mouth out of fear that he won't be able to control his laughter. Torn between leaving his obviously loopy boyfriend alone and pushing him to remember his dream, Dan takes a moment to compose himself. He waits until Phil's gazing at him in confusion, wanting to savor whatever reaction he's about to witness. “Phil,” he murmurs, voice strained as he fights the urge to laugh, “Check your boxers.”

 

Phil looks down in confusion and pulls out his slacks and boxers, checking underneath. “Why am I all sticky?” he asks without thinking. Suddenly it all hits him and his eyes go wide, letting his pants snap back closed as he looks straight forward. “OH!” he squeaks in a high pitched voice, his head swimming. He knows he should be embarrassed but suddenly he’s laughing, clutching at his stomach as tears form in his eyes, unable to breathe through his laughter. “You- You-” Phil pauses to take breaths through his words, tears streaming down his face now. “You were inside of me! Danny! You did that!” Phil smiles up at Dan, eyes shining and teeth on full display.

 

Dan chokes, laughter cutting off abruptly. It takes a moment for Phil's words to fully dawn on him, but when they do he feels his face heat up, entire body flushing. “Oh my god, Phil!” He manages to squawk out, in shock at his boyfriend’s crude words. Apart from accidental innuendos, Phil is usually fairly careful about saying anything inappropriate, and Dan finds himself unable to find the right words to respond. “You- Why don't you get some sleep?” The brunette suggests, mind suddenly empty of anything to talk to Phil about.

 

“Danny!” Phil giggles, slapping Dan’s arm lightly. “You were inside of me!” His voice is high and squeaky through his laughter as a bit of drool drips out of the side of his mouth and he wipes it off with his wrist. “You were sucking on my neck and you were really,  _ really _ loud! Danny are you usually that loud? Because you were SO loud! And you were really hard and you were moving really fast but then you’d move slow and it was really sweet and it felt  _ so _ good, Danny. So good. Phil smiles into the distance in memory, biting his lip. “When you filled me up it felt all warm and cozy. I liked it.” 

 

Dan stares at his boyfriend, chocolate eyes wide, and he has to remind himself to close his mouth. “Phil, I- I really think you need some sleep.” He stutters out, shaking his head at no one in particular. Scrubbing a hand over his face, feeling far too warm, Dan lets out a soft sigh as he gazes down at Phil. “What am I going to do with you?” He questions, giggling quietly. 

 

“Noooo I don’t need sleep, I need you!” Phil whines, pulling Dan towards him and into a tight hug. “There are so many things you can do with me. I’m okay with it all. Danny I want you inside me again, I wanna be warm again.” Phil bends his neck to suck lightly at the skin right under Dan’s ear, moving lower and lower until he’s sucking hard at Dan’s throat, biting gently and then licking over it as he hums, creating vibrations through his lips and giggling at the effect he knows that always has on Dan. 

 

Gasping, Dan automatically leans into the sensation of Phil's mouth moving against the skin of his neck, the feeling making an involuntary, choked noise fall out from between his lips. Forcing himself to crack his eyes open, Dan jerks backwards, suddenly remembering the position he's in. “Phil!” He yelps, scrambling away from the black haired man. Ignoring the heat that was beginning to pool in his stomach, Dan drags the chair he was sitting in a few feet away from Phil, taking a seat just out of his boyfriend's reach.

 

“Daaaannnnnyyyyyyyyy….” Phil whines, reaching out helplessly for Dan’s touch. “You were so warm. Do you remember it? You kept telling me how much you loved me and it was so,  _ so _ good. Danny it was so good. Do you know how good it was? It was like. The best. Danny you’re  _ really _ good. You made it so perfect and I was so hot. Danny do you remember? I want you to remember.” Phil frowns at Dan, wishing that the brunette would come back into his arms and then on top of him and resume the actions swimming through his mind. Groaning in frustration Phil lifts his hips into the air and sends Dan a pleading look, spreading his legs apart in invitation.

 

Clearing his throat, Dan turns his head to the side, looking anywhere but at Phil’s movements. He stares at his shoes, refusing to acknowledge the warm feeling the sight of his boyfriend’s flushed face and restless hips are bringing him. Mouth suddenly dry, Dan stands up, trying and failing to say something and then repeating the process several times. “I- I'm going to go get you some water or something.” He mumbles, carefully prying Phil's hand away from his own.

 

“Danny I don’t want water, I want  _ you _ !” Phil whines, suddenly desperate, panic rising in his chest as Dan begins to make his way to the door. Sudden realization settling in, Phil’s eyes go wide and his hips fall back to the bed, everything suddenly becoming quiet. “Do you not want me?” Phil whispers, looking down at his fingers as they play with each other, giving him something to look at other than Dan’s face. Hopefully if he looks down Dan won’t see the tears pooling in his eyes. “That’s okay I mean… if this was all a mistake. If you don’t want me that’s okay… but please don’t leave me.” Phil’s voice is barely audible now as the tears spill over and down his face, and he dares to look up at Dan, meeting the brunette’s pained gaze. “Please just stay with me. I don’t need anything more just… be here?” 

 

“What? Phil, no.” Dan murmurs, abandoning his quest to find water the moment he hears the blue eyed man’s broken voice. He pulls his chair back up to the side of the bed Phil's lying in, taking a seat and hesitantly reaching out for his boyfriend’s hand. He laces their fingers together carefully, his grip gentle but steady. “I'm not going to leave. I promised you that, remember? I'll always be here, and I'll always want you. As my best friend, as my boyfriend, as my everything.” Dan promises, not caring if his words seem overused or cliché, because he knows that he means them as he tightens his hold on Phil's hand.

 

“Okay…” Phil murmurs, not entirely sure he believes Dan, but just happy that the boy is still by his side. “Will you lay with me?” Phil asks weakly, holding the thin hospital blanket open for Dan to lay next to him on the small bed. “I won’t try anything I promise. We can just lay here.” Phil’s voice is timid and shy - broken as the boy sniffles around his tears, wiping them away aggressively with his wrist as he tries to stay composed for Dan.

 

Dan hesitates, biting at his lower lip. There's not much space in the hospital bed, and the last thing he wants to do is hurt Phil. When he sees his boyfriend trying to hide his tears, though, he knows that he won't be able to say no. “Okay.” He agrees, because  _ of course  _ he would say yes to the man he's beginning to realize he's well and truly in love with. Dan has always loved Phil, but he's never dared to admit that he might be  _ in love  _ with him to anyone, not even himself. The realization should make him afraid, but instead he finds himself smiling as he awkwardly crawls into the small bed with Phil, doing his best to wrap himself around the other man without causing him pain.

 

“Thank you.” Phil whispers as he adjusts so Dan is spooning him from behind, pushing himself back enough to be flush with Dan, but not enough to be pushing any boundaries. Suddenly choked sobs are escaping him and his body shakes with the force of them, burying his face in the pillow as tears escape his eyes, soaking the pillowcase within seconds.

 

“It's okay.” Dan whispers, voice coming out muffled as he presses his face into Phil's shoulder, trying to gently shush the pained sobs making the dark haired man shake in his arms. “I'm here, okay? You know that I won't leave you.” Dan mumbles, wrapping an arm around Phil's waist and tugging him snugly up against his chest. “I  _ can't  _ leave you.” He corrects, breathing in the familiar scent of his boyfriend, not caring when he finds the scent dulled by the harsh smells of the hospital.

 

Phil nods harshly, trying his best to believe the boy he hopes is still his boyfriend’s words, allowing himself to press back into the warmth of Dan’s body. He forces his breathing to slow and allows the drowsiness to take over, suddenly feeling the full effects of the morphine as he’s dragged under within seconds, finally getting out one last whispered, “Thank you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Dan wakes up to the feeling of another body sprawled across his torso, long legs tangled in his own and a warm face smushed against his chest. Still drowsy, Dan smiles, dimples caving into his cheeks as he stretches his neck out, brushing a delicate kiss to the top of Phil's head. His arms come up to wrap around the other’s back automatically, and he buries his face in the blue eyed man’s hair.

 

“Mmmmmfff.” Phil groans, waking up slowly as he feels something moving behind him, then wincing and curling in on himself quickly as he feels pain stabbing through his head. Within seconds he’s leaning over the side of the bed, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the cold tiled floor and crying as his head pounds, feeling his heartbeat through the veins by his ears and in his temples. Once his stomach has emptied nurses are already there but he’s slumping down, eyes drifting shut as his body has nothing left to give, just dry heaving every few seconds with his eyes closed, exhausted and in pain as tears spill and his eyes scrunch shut and away from the harsh and stabbing light.

 

“Shh, shh, deep breaths.” Dan murmurs, jumping into sudden consciousness as Phil throws up over the side of the hospital bed. He rubs soothing circles against Phil's back, patiently holding him until his body is no longer shaking. Once his boyfriend has stops dry heaving, Dan carefully pulls both of them into a sitting position, doing his best to shield Phil from most of the light in the room. Relief washes over him when nurses beginning hurrying into the room, but he holds Phil tightly, hesitant to let him go despite knowing that the nurses will be more of a help than he is.

 

“Water.” Phil chokes out, his entire body tensing and clenching around itself in pain as he curls himself into the tightest ball he can, pain coursing through his brain to the point where he honestly wonders if he might be dying. “Hurts.” he gasps, crying dry tears that his body can’t produce as he leans against Dan’s chest, then pulls away to  desperately gulp at the water that’s offered to him, wiping his mouth afterwards and gargling some mouthwash the nurses give him appreciatively. “Thank you.” he whispers, a tiny spark of relief pricking him as he sees a nurse go to his morphine IV and start it. Within minutes the pain is fading and his breathing begins to level as he leans farther into Dan’s chest, still shaking, his consciousness fading as the morphine muddles his thoughts. “Dan…” he whispers after several minutes of silence, once the nurses have gone and he’s being rocked back and forth slowly, listening to the steady beat of Dan’s heart. “Have I ever told you that I think I might like you? I mean… I know you’re young and I know you might not like me… and that’s okay if you don’t. Sorry.” he can’t see the young boy with the long, straw straight emo fringe, but he can’t believe he’s actually getting the chance to be held by him. “I’m so happy you came to meet me - I never thought you’d actually take the train to Manchester. I think we’re gonna be really good friends.” Phil smiles into the soft fabric of Dan’s shirt as he allows himself to enjoy this moment.

 

It takes Dan a moment to understand what his boyfriend’s trying to say. Blinking in confusion, he gazes down at the top of Phil’s head, a frown tugging at his lips. After a moment, though, realization dawns on him. Phil must be thinking about the day they first met, the day they were finally able to wrap their arms around each other and fall asleep entangled in one another. It had been platonic, of course, but it's still one of Dan’s favorite memories. Expression melting into a slightly concerned smile, Dan ruffles Phil's hair, gently running his fingers through the dark locks and coming to the conclusion that it won't do any good to try to correct Phil.

 

“You’re honestly my best friend and I’ve never even seen you until today. Have I told you that? I don’t think I have. I don’t get along with people easy - I act like I do, but really I always feel like I’m faking it. With you I don’t have to fake it. I think we’re gonna be friends for a really long time, Dan. I don’t care how it happens or what it needs to be, just that we stick together, okay?” Phil nuzzles farther into the fabric of the shirt he’s clutching, smiling as he feels a chin rest upon his head. “You should be the one with amazing in their username. We should make a video called Amazing Dan!” Phil giggles as he has the idea - proud of himself for such an innovation. “Because you’re amazing. You are.” Phil’s words are slurring as he speaks, not helped by the fact that they’re muffled in Dan’s shirt. “I think I might love you, Dan.” he whispers, hoping that the teenager won’t be too overwhelmed by such a bold confession so early in their friendship.

 

Dan hugs Phil against his chest, the nurses still hovering nearby suddenly seeming much less important. Not wanting to cause Phil anymore distress, he plays along, a content smile softening his features. “I think I'm definitely going to stick around, if I get you.” He whispers, continuing to run his fingers through Phil's hair. “I think I might love you, too.” He suppresses a giggle at the confession, a weight seeming to disappear off of his chest. If only he had started this conversation and found the courage to utter those words when they first met. Yet, as he nuzzles into the top of Phil’s head, he knows that he'll be content as long as he doesn't waste anymore time.

 

“Good.” Phil grins contentedly, leaning his head back to look at Dan. When he sees him he frowns. Dan doesn’t look like he remembers. Suddenly everything flashes back and Phil’s jaw drops, gaping at Dan. “Did I really- Are we- Are you- You really- I’m-” Phil can’t seem to form a complete sentence, staring in shock at the gorgeous man who’s holding Phil so close and so gently. “How?” Phil asks, frowning in confusion. “Why me? It doesn’t make sense… How do you want to be with  _ me _ ? I’m just Phil…. And you… you’re… you’re  _ you _ . It doesn’t make sense.” 

 

“I'm here  _ because  _ you're you, you spork.” Dan teases, but his tone is light, expression utterly fond as he cups Phil's face in his hands. “I'm here because you're you, and that's why I lo- Why I plan on staying here.” Dan barely corrects himself in time, leaning forehead and kissing Phil on the nose. He smiles, studying the light, barely visible freckles dotting his face and getting momentarily lost in his cerulean eyes. No matter how much time has passed, Phil never became any less beautiful. He's certain that won't ever change, no matter how many years go by. And Dan plans on being around for a  _ very  _ long time.

 

“How am I so lucky?” Phil asks, staring wonderingly into Dan’s warm brown eyes. He leans forward hesitantly, and when he knows that Dan isn’t going to back away he presses a soft kiss to the younger man’s lips, moving gently against him and pulling away before it can become too heated or emotional. “I really am. Lucky I mean.” Phil is having a rare moment of clarity through the morphine-induced daze, and he plans on taking full advantage of it. “You’re so beautiful and amazing and kind and sweet and romantic and loving and I am so lucky to have you and I don’t think I say that enough but I’m saying it now. Dan you’re the most important person in my life and you always will be. I care about you so much and I hope you know that I’m never letting you go - as long as you’ll have me I’m gonna be like your own personal barnacle - and I’ll be attached to your side forever.”

 

“I think I'm the lucky one.” Dan admits, emotion making his chest tight, because Phil chose  _ him  _ all those years ago. Furthermore, Phil had kept him, and now the blue eyed man is promising that he'll never let Dan go. The words aren't new, but now, curled up together on a too-small hospital bed, they seem like they hold much more meaning. “I hope you're prepared to keep that promise, because I'm never going to stop wanting you.” Dan leans forward, eyes fluttering shut as he connects their lips once more. The kiss is sweet, emotional but too brief, and the brunette prays that Phil will understand everything he's trying to say, everything he's been trying to say for eight years.

 

Phil smiles, allowing his head to fall back against the pillow. “Mmm okay. Time for sleep.” he murmurs, beginning to drift off as his eyes flutter shut. Seconds pass, and then he breaks the silence, giggling on the high of painkillers and exhaustion. “I can’t believe the sink exploded. It’s like real life became the Sims.” Phil giggles, shaking his head before he sighs and shuts his eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

 

Dan nuzzles his face into the crook of Phil's neck, hugging the other man up against his chest. He yawns, the sound muffled into Phil's hair, and Dan is close enough to see the brown beginning to show at the bottom of the dyed strands. He falls asleep with a smile on his face, chest rising and falling evenly as he breathes in Phil's familiar scent. It doesn't take him long to fall asleep, and when he wakes he feels more rested than he has in days, despite the cramped bed. Stretching, Dan does his best to slide out from under Phil without rousing his boyfriend, awkwardly maneuvering his body in an effort to avoid disturbing the blue eyed man. At last, he manages to squirm his way out of the bed, giving Phil one last sleepy smile before deciding to head to the hospital bathroom.

 

Phil wakes all at once at the sudden feeling of cold, head whipping from side to side in search of where Dan has gone. The bed is cold and Phil’s eyes are wide in panic, head pounding even though the morphine is still pumping through his veins. “Dan?” he shouts, fear bubbling up inside of him. “DAN?” the shriek rips from his throat, and all Phil can concentrate on is the lack of Dan’s presence. His mind is whirring, images of Dan facedown in a puddle of blood or getting hit by a bus or shot by someone in a dark alley rushing through his mind. Deep down he knows the drugs are having this effect on him, but he can’t shake the immense fear that’s consuming him as he rips the IVs out of his arm and stands up on shaky legs, racing out of the room in his thin hospital robe, calling Dan’s name as he goes.

 

Dan dries his hands off, tossing his paper towel into the bathroom trashcan. Someone is screaming outside, and he can hear several pairs of footsteps racing towards the commotion. Frowning, Dan unlocks the bathroom door, pulling it open slowly. His eyes go wide as he recognizes Phil's panicked voice, and he freezes for a moment before his instincts kick in and he begins running towards the broken screams. 

 

Phil dashes away from the nurses who walk towards him gently, arms outstretched and open to show him they don’t want to hurt him, but Phil doesn’t care and he pushes past, still screaming Dan’s name through the halls, desperate to find his boyfriend. The images are still flashing through his head and tears fall as he sees himself finding Dan cold and dead in five, then ten, then twenty different scenarios. Phil tugs at his own hair, screaming and crying as he feels his head spinning and shifting in and out of focus, pain splitting between his temples.

 

“Phil?” Dan calls out, desperate to find his obviously terrified boyfriend. Phil's shrieks are growing louder, the noise hoarse and afraid, and Dan feels his heart wrench in his chest. At last, he rounds a corner, nearly running into Phil. Dan comes to an abrupt halt, going completely still for a heartbeat as his gaze lands on crazed blue eyes, the normally soft color suddenly seeming wild. “Hey, it's okay. What's wrong?” He questions, hesitantly placing his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder, his other hand falling to his back as he supports the other man, unsure of where his boundaries are. 

 

Phil falls into Dan’s arms, sobbing into his baggy sweater as Phil grasps at him for dear life, nurses surrounding them in a hesitant circle. “I… I woke up and you were gone. You said… you told me…” Phil’s voice is coming out in gasps, choked off by sobs as his body shakes in Dan’s arms. “You told me you’d… you’d stay with me… You said… you wouldn’t leave…” Phil’s tears intensify as he remembers all the horrible situations his mind had thrown at him, shaking and pulling Dan even closer. “I… I thought…” Phil gets cut off by his own sobs here, not able to finish the sentence as he soaks Dan’s shirt with his tears .

 

“Oh. Oh, Phil.” Dan wraps his arms around his boyfriend, understanding flashing in his chocolate gaze. “I'm so sorry.” He holds Phil tightly, his chest clenching as he feels the blue eyed man shaking with the force of his sobs, worried at how frail his boyfriend feels, like he'll break at the smallest thing.  _ I could've broken him.  _ The realization has Dan pulling Phil even closer, and they stay like that for several moments, neither of them willing to pull away even as nurses begin to move towards Phil, their actions unsure. Dan finally allows himself to breathe, feeling almost light headed with relief as the man pressed against him slowly stops shaking, now only trembling slightly.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry…” Phil whispers as his sobs slow, sniffling lightly. “I just… I got scared.” Phil nearly whimpers as Dan pulls his chin up for a soft kiss, and Phil melts entirely into it, allowing the last of his fear to trickle away. He takes a deep breath and turns out from Dan, still keeping his arms wrapped around the brunette but now turning to face the nurses. “I’m sorry.” he says a bit louder, and they chorus reassurances at him, making him smile lightly and turn back into Dan, his breathing steadying out as he hugs his boyfriend as close as possible. 

 

“I'm the one who should be apologizing. Next time I have to leave I'll tell you, okay?” Dan promises, still keeping an arm wrapped around Phil's waist even as his boyfriend’s sobs fade into soft sniffles. Right now, Phil needs his support. Dan can feel it in the weak, hesitant hands grabbing onto him, can see it in the blue eyes he loves so much, can hear it in the strained tone Phil's voice carries. “I've got you.” He's said it before, but what's one more vow? Dan could spend his entire life promising Phil things, never once tiring of it, because he knows that he'll always mean what he says when it comes to Phil. 

 

“Thank you.” Phil whispers, allowing him and Dan to be led back to the room by the nurses, crawling into the hospital bed and wincing as the nurses inject his IVs, but relaxing soon after as the morphine floods his system and takes the pain away. “I love you so much.” Phil whispers as he falls asleep, playing with Dan’s fingers between his own. “Don’t leave me…”

 

“I won't.” Dan assures, sliding into the small bed beside Phil and pulling him up against his chest once more. There's barely enough space for both of them to fit, but right now the sweet intimacy seems to be what they both need. Dan watches as Phil falls asleep, and he drops his head to press a kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s head, breath fanning out across the dark strands of hair as the blue eyed man’s breathing evens out. “I can't wait to say that back one day.” He whispers, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he gazes down at his unconscious boyfriend.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Phil smiles as he walks into the flat, taking in a deep breath and beaming at the familiar scent - no stench of hospital left except for the bit that remains on their clothes. Phil’s head is feeling much better - he’s off the morphine and just taking migraine formula now - being released from the hospital after another day and a half. Phil pulls Dan inside by his hand and shuts the door behind them, smiling as he pulls his boyfriend in for a kiss. His face scrunches up a bit at the smell of hospital lingering on Dan and he frowns, pulling away. “We smell like hospital.” He giggles as Dan rolls his eyes, shaking his head and pressing a quick kiss to Dan’s lips. “It’s okay… why don’t we go take a shower together?” Raising an eyebrow suggestively, Phil lets go of Dan’s hand, turning and walking towards the bathroom, flashing a grin over his shoulder back at the openmouthed brunette he left in the dust.

 

Dan scoffs, but amusement glimmers in his mocha gaze, and he dimples are showing as he follows his boyfriend. “Fine, but you're not getting any.” He warns, giving Phil a soft, playful kiss as he catches up to the black haired man. Despite the smile stubbornly clinging to his face, Dan feels a trace of lingering worry weave its way into his thoughts. “You're still hurt.” He points out, averting his gaze from Phil's confused expression as he focuses on adjusting the temperature of the water in the shower. While they were at the hospital, Dan had called a plumber, and their sink is now fixed. Still, the memory of walking into the bathroom to see Phil lying on the ground seems to haunt Dan, and a shiver runs down his spine, even as he's pulling his shirt off over his head. 

 

“Well…” Phil murmurs, walking up and trailing his hands up Dan’s bare stomach and chest, fluttering over his nipples and then grazing over his shoulders and arms, coming in close to whisper in the brunette’s ear. “I guess you’ll just have to make sure I don’t fall.” he pulls away with a dangerous smile, turning his back and slowly removing his shirt, watching Dan watch him through the mirror, grinning as he teases his boyfriend by moving at a snail’s pace, shifting his weight between his hips so they sway back and forth tantalizingly. Once he has his shirt removed he tosses it aside and unzips his pants, nearly laughing but holding it back as he sees Dan utterly entranced by staring at his backside. He clearly doesn’t know Phil can see him through the mirror, and Phil’s eating this up, milking the moment for all it’s worth. Slowly he works his pants down, bending over as he does so, so his boxer-covered ass is pointed up at Dan’s face. He pulls his pants over his ankles and takes off his socks as well, tossing them to join his shirt. Standing up, Phil’s head protests as he gets dizzy for a moment, but it’s gone within seconds and he smiles, pulling off his boxers in the same fashion, and being more careful to stand up slowly this time. Finally he turns around and grins at Dan, who’s now practically drooling at the sight of Phil, giggling a bit at his boyfriend’s adoration.

 

Dan swallows, mouth dry as he gaze is automatically drawn to Phil's body, brown eyes tracing over every curve and edge. “Phil.” The brunette breathes, a gentle warning in his voice. He hasn't gotten off since Phil had slipped in the bathroom, too anxious within the confines of the hospital to do anything, and he can feel desire racing through him, making his heart thud in his chest. “We're not doing anything while you're still hurt.” Dan does his best to sound firm, but the words sound weak, even to himself. In an attempt to ignore his boyfriend’s teasing, he tugs his own jeans and boxers down, kicking them off and turning away from Phil as he steps into the shower. The warm water is soothing, and Dan finds himself relaxing under the soft spray, sighing quietly as the stress from the past few days melts away.

 

Phil smiles as he steps into the shower behind Dan, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pressing their naked bodies together, coated immediately by warm, soothing water from the showerhead. Phil leans in close, so his lips are brushing against the soft skin of Dan’s ear and the wet hair there as he whispers gently, “It doesn’t have to be rough to be good, Dan.” Phil smiles as he gently takes Dan’s earlobe in his teeth, brushing his ear with Phil’s lips as he tugs gently, then moves down his boyfriend’s neck and presses soft, sweet kisses on his way down. He reaches out for a bar of soap, still kissing Dan’s neck as he lathers his hands and returns the bar, wrapping his arms around Dan to begin massaging the sudsy liquid into Dan’s chest, humming against the spot where the brunette’s neck meets his shoulder, biting lightly and then pressing soft kisses over the spot where his teeth dug in.

 

Dan lets out a shaky breath, he hips shifting forward into nothing as Phil kisses at his neck. He turns to face his boyfriend, making it easier for Phil to massage soap into his chest, even as he mind screams that they shouldn't be doing this when Phil just got home from the hospital. With Phil pressed up against him though, blue eyes wide with utter  _ want _ , Dan finds the logical voice in his mind fading, leaving him alone with the feeling of his boyfriend. Still being careful, but less hesitant now, Dan reaches up to cup Phil’s face as he brings their lips together.

 

Phil smiles into the kiss, rubbing his hands over Dan’s chest, his stomach, his arms, then moving to his back and pulling him close. They’re pressed together in every way possible and Phil’s lip quivers up as he finds that he’s managed to get Dan aroused, massaging the soap into Dan’s back and pulling him even tighter as their lips move together, tongues intermingling gently. Everything is slow - careful to make sure that Phil doesn’t get lightheaded - but it’s almost better because instead of this being driven by lust, it’s driven by  _ love _ , and Phil beams into Dan’s mouth at the thought. 

 

Dan waits for Phil to deepen the kiss, smiles slowly fading from both of their faces as a gentle, intoxicating heat begins to build between them. Everything is slow, and Dan finds himself groaning in a mixture of contentment and frustration, the two emotions warring within him. Eventually, though, an entirely new feeling bubbles up inside of Dan as the brunette gently bites at Phil's lower lip. The brown eyed man sighs against his boyfriend’s mouth, actions taking on a different edge as Dan feels love struggling to escape from his chest, the three words sticking in his throat. Instead of voicing his thoughts, Dan opts to trail his hands down Phil's chest, fingers brushing over one of his sensitive nipples. 

 

Phil shudders as Dan’s fingers brush over his nipples, biting down on Dan’s lip as he gently walks backwards, pressing himself against the wall and pulling Dan with him, rolling his hips gently against Dan’s and moaning softly into the brunette’s mouth as their wet cocks slide together, separated by nothing as water streams down on them. Phil’s hips continue their path up and down as he contemplates wrapping his legs around Dan’s waist and allowing himself to be pressed against the wall - but he decides the shower is too dangerous a time for that. Later. For now, Phil settles for bringing his hands to Dan’s back and scratching light, long trails with his blunt nails along the smooth skin of Dan’s back, groaning as Dan continues circling his nipples with his thumbs and thrusting up with more force now, pressure building within him.

 

Dan presses his face into Phil's neck, biting at the pale skin there in an attempt to muffle the moans threatening to tumble out from between his lips. He presses his thumb down against Phil's nipple with more force now, tweaking and pulling at the sensitive nub as he uses his other hand to brace himself against the shower wall. He presses himself as close to Phil as he can, doing his best to keep his actions gentle as he rocks their hips together again.

 

Phil is moving more desperately now - driven to  _ need _ by Dan’s expert fingers, working themselves over his nipples in a way that both infuriates Phil and fills him with want, shuddering as he feels sparks fly through him. He gasps as his hips connect with Dan’s again and again, cocks hardening against each other. He reaches a hand down and grasps both of them, tugging gently as he moans, breathing deeply. He continues thrusting, breathing heavily, until suddenly the steam is overwhelming him and his breathing is becoming more desperate - getting lightheaded as he can’t seem to get enough air. Phil pushes Dan away gently, sinking down against the wall to sit on the hard floor of the shower, gasping for air. “I… I can’t breathe…” he gets out, vision swimming as his head begins to pound.

 

Dan frowns, eyes fluttering open as he feels the contact suddenly disappear. When he sees Phil huddling on the shower floor, though, he hurriedly turns off the water in an attempt to clear the steam from the bathroom. His concerns rushing back to him, Dan crouches down beside Phil, mentally kicking himself for allowing things to get so heated. “Are you okay?” He questions, worriedly biting at his lower lip, unsure of what else to say or do. Dan feels completely, utterly useless, and that's terrifying. “Do you want some more migraine medicine?”

 

“No…” Phil breathes heavily, chest heaving as he gasps for air. “I’m fine… really.” he leans his head forward on Dan’s shoulder, supporting himself as his vision goes in and out. “I’m sorry… just… too much steam. Can you help me out of the bathroom?” he gets out, mentally kicking himself for what he’s done to Dan. He hopes Dan doesn’t feel too guilty, but he knows his boyfriend better than to count on that.

 

“Of course.” Dan replies quickly, offering Phil his hand and helping him stand, his movements slow and calculated. His mocha eyes are wide, afraid and guilty, but he doesn't say a word, wanting to help Phil before he can reprimand himself for what he's done. Dan wraps an arm around Phil's waist, supporting him as he helps Phil out of the shower. His touch is light and fleeting as he guides the blue eyed man out of their bathroom, being careful to not linger. “How do you feel?” 

 

Phil leans heavily on Dan as he is led out of the bathroom. The minute the door opens and they step outside into the fresh, cool air of the rest of the house, Phil breathes in deeply, the air flooding his lungs as he sighs in relief and quickly makes his way to the nearest wall, slumping down against it and closing his eyes as he leans against the cool painted surface, breathing in the sweet, easy air. “Thank you.” he whispers, pulling Dan down next to him and leaning his head on Dan’s shoulder. “Better. I just needed the air.” Phil sighs, taking in several more breaths before lifting his head and looking towards Dan apologetically. “I’m sorry.” he whispers, leaning in for a kiss. 

 

Dan jerks away as Phil tries to kiss him, looking as if he's just been burned. He offers the black haired man a gentle, strained smile, instead pressing a featherlight kiss to Phil’s forehead, his mouth barely brushing his boyfriend's skin. Dan shifts his weight awkwardly, his erection still bobbing against his stomach, but he’s too terrified to be aroused anymore. “I'm gonna get you some water.” He mumbles, disappearing back into their bathroom without another word and grabbing a towel to wrap himself in before heading downstairs. Dan doesn't glance at Phil as he walks past him, cheeks tinted red as he stubbornly avoids his boyfriend's blue gaze. 

 

Phil frowns as Dan gets up and leaves, walking by without even glancing at Phil. He feels bad - sure - but was what he did really that wrong? He was fine until the steam got to be too much, and all he needed was to go somewhere with clearer air and he was alright again. He knows it’s probably not as big a deal as he’s feeling, but a pit is forming in his stomach and he feels his throat clenching as he curls his legs up to his chest, suddenly over-aware of his nakedness but still a bit too weak to trust himself to stand and get something to cover himself with.

 

Dan throws some ice cubes into a glass, leaning against the kitchen counter as he attempts to compose himself and gather his thoughts. He glares down at the tent in his towel, his arousal still obvious behind the soft material. Sighing to himself, Dan turns towards their fridge, filling the large glass with water. He watches as the ice cubes float to the top, gaze blank as he tries and fails to push away the searing guilt pulling his mind apart. After a moment, though, he forces himself to bring the water upstairs, mentally bracing himself to meet Phil's gaze, unsure of what he'll find in his boyfriend's blue eyes. Confusion? Disappointment? Concern? Dan swallows, the realization that he doesn't want Phil to be feeling any of those emotions, making him pick up his pace.

 

Phil’s eyes snap up as he sees Dan enter the room, and he wraps his legs in closer to him - embarrassed by his nudity. He takes the glass of water with a small, “Thanks.” and sips it, immediately being soothed by the ice cold water and chugging half the glass. He puts it down next to him and breathes shakily, afraid to meet Dan’s gaze, covering himself as best he can and making himself small as he hides from his boyfriend’s gaze, which he’s sure is clouded with judgement and disappointment.

 

Dan sighs again, pulling off the towel wrapped around himself and settling it over both of them as he sits down beside Phil. He forces himself to relax, trying to see through his own guilt and imagine what the blue eyed man must be thinking right now. Suddenly afraid to meet his boyfriend's gaze, Dan closes his eyes as he wraps an arm around Phil’s shoulders, tugging them both closer together. The silence is stretching between them, heavy and uncomfortable, but he's not sure how to break it.

 

Phil sucks in a sharp breath at Dan’s touch, jumping a bit as his head whips around to meet Dan’s gaze, shock clear in his own eyes. When he sees his boyfriend take in a deep breath, eyes closed as he wraps a protective arm around Phil, Phil leans immediately into the touch. At least Dan isn’t too angry to be near him - that’s a step in the right direction. Phil presses into Dan’s side, damp skin against damp skin as they breathe together slowly. Finally Phil works up the nerve to speak and takes in a deep breath, hiding his face in the soft skin of Dan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.” he whispers, closing his eyes, feeling his eyelashes brush lightly against Dan’s skin. “I shouldn’t have tried anything - I’m sorry.”

 

At Phil's apology, Dan blinks his eyes open, confusion evident on his face. It takes him a moment to process Phil's words, his forehead creasing as he stares at his boyfriend. “What are you talking about? Why are you apologizing to me? Phil, I should've stopped things from going anywhere. It's my fault I let things get that far.” Dan’s chocolate eyes are still confused, but their mocha depths are gentle, and he cups Phil's face, willing him to open his eyes. “I'm the one that should be sorry. I promise that won't happen again, okay?” 

 

“No…” Phil protests immediately, brow furrowing as he looks to Dan, meeting his eyes fully now. “Dan, it’s not your fault at all. I wanted you, you suggested we stop and I was the one who kept things going. I’m okay - I really am - I just needed some air. Dan - the doctors said I’ll be in recovery for at least a month… do you really think we’re gonna be able to keep our hands off each other the whole time?” Phil laughs lightly as he bumps Dan with his shoulder. “I don’t know about you, but I know I don’t want to. We just have to be careful, and learn how to take little breaks. I’m not made out of glass, Dan…” Phil looks at the brunette warmly, leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose, trying to lighten the mood. “Okay?” he asks, giving Dan a small, hopeful smile.

 

“Okay.” Dan agrees, giving Phil a small smile as he returns the gesture, lips soft as he brushes a kiss to his nose. Still, he can feel a warm tug in his abdomen, making him shudder as his toes curl. “But I think we should keep our hands off each other for the rest of today. Which means I'm gonna go . . . Just . . .” Dan clears his throat, awkwardly standing up and shifting his weight as he grabs the towel and tries to cover his still painfully hard erection. His mind scrambles for a joke, something that will make Phil stutter and blush, but his mind comes up blank and his cheeks burn as he tries to avoid meeting his boyfriend's face. 

 

Phil pouts, pushing his lower lip out and batting his eyelashes, but then he sighs and nods, accepting Dan’s boundary. “Okay well will you at least help me get to my room so I can go get dressed and lie down? Something tells me that the minute I stand up I might just fall back down again.” Phil chuckles a bit darkly at himself, trying not to be dismayed by his own current helplessness, and trying even harder perhaps to ignore the clear tent in Dan’s towel, making Phil’s lip twitch up at the side as he tries to hide his chuckles.

 

“If you laugh at me, I swear to fucking god I will leave you here.” The threat is empty, and they both know it. Dan huffs, pretending to consider Phil's request before extending a hand towards his boyfriend and helping him to his feet. His arm automatically moves to wrap around Phil's waist, and Dan takes as much of the other man’s weight as he can, wanting to help him but also wanting to help himself as soon as possible. “Here you are, you lazy spork.” Despite his teasing words, the brunette kisses Phil once they reach the older man’s bed. The action is brief but sweet, Dan pulling away before it can grow into anything heated. “Um, I- I'll see you later?” He winces at the stilted, painfully awkward words tumbling out from his mouth, wondering when he became so nervous about talking to Phil.  _ Probably when he became literally fucking everything in my life.  _ Shaking his head to himself, Dan presses one last kiss to Phil's mouth.

 

“I don’t think it’d be fair for me to laugh at you.” Phil responds, glancing down to his own hard length, giggling a bit as Dan helps him up and off the floor. Sure enough, his vision blacks out momentarily and his head spins as he leans into Dan’s grasp, but soon it settles back down and they’re walking into his room and then standing at the foot of his bed. “Hm… I didn’t think I’d be sleeping in here anymore… thought this was the office now.” Phil’s tone is slightly teasing - knowing that something’s happened between them and they need to take some time apart, but also wishing he could be in  _ their _ room, cuddled up to his boyfriend’s side. When Dan kisses him and pulls away almost immediately, it’s all Phil can do not to pull him back in and deepen the kiss. He restrains himself, though, crawling under the covers - the cold sheets shocking his naked flesh, but not unwelcomed. “Okay… bye.” he murmurs, a teasing smile flashing over his eyes. “I suppose I’ll just have to entertain myself when you’re off on your own, now won’t I?” Phil pulls the covers aside to reveal himself, reaching down to start stroking his hard cock, maintaining eye contact with Dan the whole time. “See you later!” he grins at his flushed boyfriend, holding back giggles as he continues his motions.

 

Dan chews at his lower lip, biting down so hard that he nearly breaks the skin as he watches Phil. He knows that he should leave, but his eyes seem glued to the scene unfolding in front of him, and he swallows hard. “You can still sleep in my room tonight. Maybe- But maybe I could stay in your room for a little while.” Dan suggests, meaning the words to sound teasing and alluring, but he has to clear his throat to keep his voice from cracking, tone coming out desperate and breathy. “I mean, if you really want I can leave . . .” He trails off, beginning to gain his confidence back as he sees the flush creeping up Phil's neck, taking in his blue eyes, pupils blown wide. “It's up to you, though.” Dan shrugs, biting back a giggle, loving the power he has and wanting to hold onto it for as long as possible.

 

Phil’s entire chest, neck, and face begin to heat up as his eyes rake over Dan’s naked torso, stroking himself and biting his lip as he imagines that body on top of him, skin pulling and shoving against skin as he works his partially faded erection back to full mast. Dan’s voice rips his attention away though, and he grins, intentionally looking his boyfriend up and down before responding. “Oh, you want to stay? Of course! Here, just let me put on some clothes.” Phil pushes to the end of the bed, tearing his hand away from himself as he intentionally makes himself stand up slowly so he doesn’t get lightheaded, walking over to his dresser with an evil grin shot in Dan’s direction as he turns his backside to the brunette, pulling a drawer open.

 

“Like fuck you wont.” Dan stalks forward, long legs carrying him to Phil in a few strides. He grabs at his boyfriend's wrist, forcing him to face him. His brown eyes are dark, and he relishes in the bit of height he has over Phil as he gazes down at him. It takes everything in him to remind himself that the blue eyed man is hurt, and that he needs to be gentle. Lingering arousal is making his heart thud in his chest, sparks exploding throughout his body as he tugs Phil up against him, promptly dropping his towel and grinding their hips together without warning. “As good as you look with clothes on, I’d prefer them off for now.” Dan murmurs, ducking his head slightly to whisper the words into Phil's ear as their bare erections slide against each other.

 

Phil shudders as Dan turns him around and drops the towel, pressing against him and whispering lowly in his ear. A high pitched, breathy noise escapes Phil’s throat as he gives up his control of the situation, turning to putty in Dan’s arms as he nods frantically at Dan’s words, rutting his hips back into Dan’s. “Bed?” he whispers to the younger boy, looking up into his deep brown eyes - and not for the first time, Phil relishes in the fact that he’s shorter. He loves having someone to look up to. Having someone who he has to crane his neck to reach - someone who can wrap him in his arms and make Phil feel safe as he relinquishes his control and puts all his trust in the man holding him.

 

“Definitely bed.” Dan groans, rocking their hips together one more time before tugging Phil towards the bed. He can hear his heart pounding in his ears, because this is  _ Phil,  _ and anything with him will always be a rush, but it's a pleasant feeling, and Dan basks in it as he gently pushes Phil down onto the green and blue checkered duvet. He lets himself fall onto Phil, suddenly grateful that they're already naked as he drops his head, mouth trailing kisses down the pale skin of his boyfriend's neck. Dan carefully avoid Phil's nipples, keeping just enough space between their bodies to deprive the blue eyed man of what he wants.

 

Phil gasps as Dan pushes him down on the bed, blinking a few times to slow the spinning in his head at the sudden sharp movement. His body adjusts quickly, though, and soon he’s arching his back to try to press up into Dan, craving the skin to skin contact and shuddering at Dan’s wet lips covering his neck and chest. “Holy crap.” he murmurs, biting his lip. “Dan…” he whispers, bringing his hand down between them, wrapping it around both of their lengths and adjusting his hand so he can grasp them both easily. “I’m gonna make this so good for you.” he pulls his hand up suddenly, sending a jolt of pleasure through him and arching his neck backwards in pleasure, grasping at Dan’s back with his other hand and digging in with his nails as his right hand continues stroking their cocks in unison, earning desperate, low moans from deep in his throat.

 

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan breathes out, finally giving in and lowering his body as he rocks himself into Phil's hand. The feeling of another hand- or more importantly, of _ Phil's  _ hand -on his hard length is sending waves of pleasure coursing through him, and he reaches down to trail his fingers over Phil's nipple in a daze. When he feels his fingertips brush over one of the sensitive nubs, he gently pinches it, tugging at his nipple before letting it go and repeating the process, wanting to make Phil feels as desperate as he does.

 

“Dan…” Phil gasps, sucking in air and scrunching up his face, his hand halting its motions and his left fingers digging even deeper into Dan’s shoulder blade as his boyfriend’s fingers come down to play with his nipple. “You know…” he breathes, beginning to move his hand again, but still keeping his eyes shut tight. “For every time you do  _ that- _ ” Phil opens his eyes now and looks down at Dan’s hand on his nipple. For a moment he gets distracted by the sight of his own hand around both of their cocks, red and pulsing with precum drizzling out of their slits and mixing, and Phil gulps, tearing his gaze back up to meet Dan’s. “For every time you do  _ that _ , we lose like a full minute of  _ this. _ ” Phil ruts up into Dan, yanking roughly at them both before resuming his soft, gentle tugs.

 

Dan gasps, his hips jerking involuntarily as Phil suddenly pulls at them, the unexpectedly rough feeling making his back arch. Smirking at his boyfriend's words, he shifts downwards, sucking Phil’s other nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicks over the hard peak, teeth just barely grazing it. An idea forming in his mind, Dan experimentally nibbles at the nipple as he grinds their hips together with more force, wondering if it'll be too rough for Phil.

 

Phil lets out a noise he didn’t even know he could make - it rumbles from deep inside of him, raising and escaping his throat - low and breathy, but also hard and growly at the same time as his hips move like a jackhammer without his permission. He ruts up again and again into Dan and his hand, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut as Dan’s tongue works its magic over his nipple, making his whole body shudder and his legs turn to jello. When Dan’s hips work even harder at him on top of it all, Phil begins to whimper and his hands fall away, grasping desperately at the blankets around him, squeezing tightly as he allows Dan to take full control, his body succumbing to the younger man as he shivers and shakes with pleasure.

 

Dan reaches down to wrap his hand around both of their lengths, taking over as Phil goes pliant beneath him. They're both leaking pre cum everywhere, and Dan groans, chasing his pleasure as he revels in the slick feeling it provides. He can feel himself growing close, nearing the edge as he speeds up his thrusts, bucking against Phil and into his own hand desperately. Whimpering, and gasping out moans, Dan raises his head enough to give Phil access to his neck, for once not trying to protect the sensitive skin. “N- Neck, please.” He breathes out, the words barely understandable as he moans, squeezing his eyes shut as he uses his second hand to play with Phil's nipples.

 

Phil feels as if he’s lost complete control of his body as it moves without his instruction, shaking and rutting into Dan, nearly spasming with pleasure as precum spurts out of him but he holds back as best he can. His eyes are squeezed shut as he grasps at the sheets around him, but when Dan’s whispers reach his ears he somehow pries his head up off the blanket. He shoves forward, connecting hard with the side of Dan’s neck, sucking a dark bruise into the skin there, not even caring that it’s far too high to be covered. He licks over the spot and continues, sucking, licking, biting, and nibbling at the soft and tender skin, making his way from the base of Dan’s throat to the sides, up to right under his chin and then his jaws, biting at Dan’s earlobes before returning to pull the skin on the sides of his neck with Phil’s teeth lightly. He lets it snap back into place before sucking deep bruises into the flesh, writhing in pleasure underneath the man who he wants to please so badly he’s somehow able to force his body to obey even in this state of euphoria.

 

Dan cries out as he feels Phil sucking bruises into his neck, long past the point of caring what he sounds like. He knows that everyone will be able to see the marks Phil's leaving, but somehow that just makes everything better. The idea of the entire world seeing what they've done to each other, that they belong to each other, has Dan making high pitched keening noises, and after another heartbeat he's coming, painting Phil's stomach with white streaks as pleasure makes his vision swim at the edges.

 

Phil honestly doesn’t know when his orgasm started. It could have been the moment Dan took his nipple in his mouth - it could have been when Phil sucked on his neck and Dan began to fall apart - it could have been the moment he heard Dan’s gasp and felt the warm, white liquid cover his stomach and chest, opening his eyes and pulling back briefly to gaze at Dan’s face, not wanting to miss that moment. All he does know is that it’s the longest, hardest orgasm he’s ever experienced, and when he’s finally done pulsing out over himself and Dan, several moments later, he rolls both of them onto their sides and pulls Dan close, not caring about the mess between them that’s dripping onto the duvet - they can deal with that later. For now, Phil laces his leg between Dan’s thighs and rests his face against Dan’s sweaty shoulder, laughing lightly. “So what was that you said earlier about not doing anything today?” he giggles, tilting his head to press a soft kiss to Dan’s ear.

 

“Shut up.” Dan mumbles once he regains the ability to speak, arms winding around Phil as he buries his face into his boyfriend's hair, inhaling the familiar scent of raspberries and coffee that always seems to surround the other man. “Also, we're sleeping here. I don't care if your bed is shit, I'm not moving until I've had a nap.” He tugs Phil up against his chest, too spent to care about cleaning up, their legs tangling together as his eyes flutter shut. Even if they're not in his bed, he has Phil, and that makes him feel more at home than any pillow or blanket. Smiling into the blue eyed man’s tousled hair, Dan lets his exhaustion catch up to him, falling asleep in a matter of minutes.

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Phil smiles, kissing Dan’s cheek gently before cuddling up to the man, knowing they’ll be filthy when they wake up, but not caring. He listens to Dan’s breathing as it steadies out, his own heart beating faster and faster as he gathers his courage. Dan is the best thing that ever happened to him - the most important person in Phil’s life, and he has been for nearly a decade. Phil sucks in a deep breath, whispering the words he just can’t seem to hold in. “I love you, Dan.” he’s met with silence as he waits for an answer. Several moments pass and he bites his lip, curling farther into Dan’s chest. He knows Dan must have fallen asleep, and that’s why he didn’t answer, but still Phil’s heart pulls and aches. He’s said it so many times now… why won’t Dan say it back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Amber has been on a trip for a few days and it'll still be a few days until she's back - she wanted me to let you all know that she will be responding to comments, it'll just take a few days :)  
> Thank you all so much for reading/commenting/leaving kudos/etc on this fic, it's been so much fun so far and it's exciting to see how many people are enjoying it :D  
> -MB


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

Phil wakes from the nap first, silently swearing at he and Dan for not cleaning up before falling asleep. Part of him wants to stay in bed and let Dan sleep until he naturally wakes up, but after a few minutes Phil knows he can’t deal with the crusty, dried substance sticking to him and Dan. He removes himself from the brunette’s grasp gently, doing his best not to wake his boyfriend, and makes his way to the bathroom where he wets a warm washcloth and begins cleaning himself off. 

 

Dan stirs as he feels the duvet being lifted away from his skin, cool air wrapping around him. He shifts, uncomfortable without the warmth he's used to having nestled into his side. After a moment, he gives up trying to fall back asleep, cracking open his eyes. Dan frowns as he notices the lack of a blue eyed man curled up against his chest, the corners of his lips tugging downwards in sleepy confusion. “Phil?” He mumbles through a yawn, running a hand through his hair and fiddling with the messy locks, pulling at the fluffy strands in annoyance.  _ Where's Phil?  _ Slightly worried now, Dan calls out again, “Phil?” The name is still slightly slurred, but the brunette makes an effort to raise his voice this time, despite his drowsy state.

 

Phil hears his name being called, the sound of Dan’s voice making a small pang pull at his heart as he remembers his frustrations when he fell asleep earlier that day. Why won’t Dan just say he loves him? What more does Phil need to do? Phil had thought Dan loved him, but now with his boyfriend’s hesitancy to put it into words, Phil’s stomach is twisting into knots. “In here!” he calls back, the strain of shouting making him realize the pounding in his head. Frowning, Phil returns to the bedroom, still holding his flaccid dick in a warm washcloth as he digs around for the migraine medicine in the small bag from the hospital. He stands up once he’s found it, the rush of standing so quickly making him dizzy as he reaches out with his free hand to catch himself on the edge of the desk, giving himself a few moments to steady before looking over at Dan. His stomach twists again.  _ Why won’t he say it? _ Making a decision, Phil straightens up, setting his jaw. He isn’t going to say it again. He’ll  _ make  _ Dan say it today, or he’ll figure out why his boyfriend was hesitating, but Phil isn’t just going to keep handing out those special three words without any reciprocation. “Rise and shine.” he murmurs, reaching out to tussle Dan’s hair before returning to the bathroom, downing two pills and getting the last bit of dried cum off of him, tossing the washcloth in a hamper.

 

Grumbling as Phil ruffles his already messy hair, Dan turns his head away from the light streaming through the bedroom windows, promptly burying his face in the nearest pillow. The fabric smells like Phil, and he smiles against the soft material, allowing himself one last moment of peace. Finally, he lets out a long sigh, dragging the noise out as he hauls himself into a sitting position. Rubbing at his eyes, Dan blinks at Phil blearily. “Ugh, why are you awake right now?” He huffs, jaws stretching open in another yawn. “Come back to bed. I don't wanna get up.” Dan complains, voice dangerously close to a whine now. 

 

“You’re an idiot.” Phil mumbles from the bathroom, rolling his eyes. He moves to the doorway of his room, knowing he’s backlit from the light of the rest of the house spilling into the darkness of the room. He smiles - only a bit forced since his mind’s still stuck spinning on why Dan won’t tell him how he feels, but he’s sure Dan can’t pick it up from the darkness of the room. Resting his weight on one hip so his bum juts out to the side, Phil makes his voice as seductive as possible. “I’m not coming back to bed, so if you want me with you you’re just gonna have to come here.” Phil raises his eyebrows suggestively as he turns and walks away to the bathroom, swaying his hips as he goes. 

 

“If I'm an idiot, what does that make you? Like, a . . . A super idiot?” Dan frowns, the comeback not sounding nearly as good as it did in his head. “Just come back to bed.” He's resorting to fully whining now, flopping back onto the mattress and pulling the duvet aside invitingly. The sheets are cold against his bare skin, and Dan grumbles in annoyance, lifting his head just enough to gaze at Phil over the duvet. “Please? What time is it, anyways? We've got ages until we have to do stuff.”

 

“Fineeeee I’ll be right there.” Phil grumbles, just loud enough for Dan to hear. He wets a new washcloth and squeezes it out, walking back to the room and crawling under the cover. He’s hid the washcloth behind his back, and when Dan moves to pull Phil in to cuddle, he shoots his hand with the cloth out, wrapping it around Dan’s cock with no warning, grinning as the brunette jumps in surprise. Giggling, Phil peppers quick kisses all over Dan’s mouth, shutting him up as Dan tries to scold him, cleaning his boyfriend off as he kisses his mouth, his cheeks, his chin, his nose, and then his lips again, smiling against them as he discards the washcloth. He almost misses the hamper in his room before pulling them back together, skin pressing against skin as he stares into Dan’s warm brown eyes, a playful glint in his own.

 

Dan squawks as he feels Phil press a damp washcloth to his exposed cock, stifling a squeal. When he feels soft lips pressing against his own, though, he relaxes into the touch, giving in to the exhaustion still clouding his brain as he goes limp under Phil's touch. He makes a quiet, discontented noise when he feels his boyfriend pull away, barely aware of the sound of something being thrown into a hamper. A moment later, though, Phil is back, and Dan is kissing him again, their mouths moving together slowly, the kiss sweet and lazy. Humming happily, Dan slides his hands down to Phil's waist, smiling against his boyfriend's mouth. 

 

Phil laces a leg through Dan’s, using his foot to pull Dan even closer as he grins into the soft, warm lips atop his. He brings his arms around the brunette’s back and to his shoulderblades, nearly grunting with effort as he yanks Dan up and overtop him. He stops for a moment, gazing up at the man above him, overwhelmed with emotion for the brown eyed man held up by his elbows over Phil. Phil smiles, biting his lip, and he loses what little self control he’d thought he had. “I love you.” Phil whispers, looking hopefully up into Dan’s deep gaze.

 

“Mm.” Dan murmurs, acknowledging Phil’s words by trailing kisses down his neck and admiring the dark bruises on the pale skin there. He can feel the words choking him, threatening to escape as he presses his lips to Phil's collarbone.  _ No. Now’s not the right time.  _ Dan decides, pulling back just enough to give his boyfriend a small smile. He can't help but stare at the man beneath him, eyes tracing over his bare chest, dimples caving into his cheeks as he playfully tugs at the curly hairs in the center of Phil's chest. “You're beautiful.” Dan states, knowing that it's not quite what Phil said to him, but hoping that it'll be enough for now.

 

Phil frowns, ignoring the compliment as he looks between Dan’s eyes, searching for an answer to his question.  _ Why won’t he say it back? _ The words are floating through his mind, eating him up until he finally sighs and looks away, realizing Dan isn’t going to give him what he wants right now. “I’m gonna go get some food.” he says quietly, extracting himself from Dan and pulling on pyjama pants and a tshirt. He doesn’t meet Dan’s eyes as he walks briskly into the kitchen, trying his best not to allow the tears to form that are pricking dangerously behind his eyes and in his nose.

 

Dan watches as Phil leaves, hurt and confusion evident in his dark eyes.  _ What happened?  _ With a sigh, Dan leans back against the headboard of Phil's bed, trying to think over the last minute. He knows that he's probably over analyzing the situation, but Phil's frown keeps flashing through his head, his quiet, clipped words digging into the brunette’s heart. He spends another few minutes turning the interaction over in his mind and sulking before deciding he may as well get up now that Phil's gone. Dan makes his way downstairs, unsure of how to approach the blue eyed man. “Hey.” He greets, voice soft as he finds his boyfriend in the kitchen, eyebrows pulling together as Phil refuses to meet his gaze. The dark haired man’s cerulean eyes are glistening, and Dan frowns, praying that what he's seeing aren't tears. “Did- Did I do something wrong?” Part of him wants to avoid things and pretend as if nothing happened, but the larger part of him wants to know what upset his boyfriend.

 

“Hey…” Phil replies, sighing and lifting his wrists up to quickly wipe his eyes. “Sorry, no you’re fine. Head’s just acting up I guess.” He curses himself, wishing he hadn’t been so dramatic. It’s fine. Everything’s fine. Dan loves him, and he knows that. It’s okay if it takes him a little longer to say it out loud - it doesn’t mean anything.  _ It’s fine _ . He takes in a deep breath and moves towards Dan, pulling his boyfriend into a tight hug, squeezing hard. It’s a little strange - him being dressed in pyjamas while Dan is still stark naked, but they’re comfortable enough with each other that it’s not too weird, and Phil buries his face in Dan’s bare shoulder, inhaling his boyfriend’s scent slowly. “You’re so incredible.” he murmurs into the flesh there, knowing he should stop fishing, but not having the will to. “I care about you so much.”

 

Dan smiles, accepting the sweet gesture and hugging Phil back, despite how spur of the moment his boyfriend's actions seem to be. “I know you do.” He murmurs, dropping a soft kiss to the top of Phil's head before pulling back. “I'm glad you're not mad at me. I hate upsetting you.” Letting out a quiet, relieved sigh, Dan presses his lips to the blue eyed man’s forehead, lingering there for a moment. Now that Phil has assured him that he didn't do anything wrong, he can feel a different kind of concern bubbling up in him. “You said your head was acting up. Did you take any more pain meds?” Dan questions, lips twitching down in an unhappy expression. Seeing Phil in pain makes his heart wrench in his chest, and he recognizes the feeling all too well, but he's not quite ready to put a label on it and tell his boyfriend just yet.

 

Phil sighs at Dan’s acknowledgement of his words, but the lack of reciprocation. It’s becoming normal, and he knows he just has to get used to that until Dan’s ready… but it’s hard. “Of course I’m not mad at you. I love you.” this time the words slip out without his even thinking about them, making him bite his lip and pull back to gauge Dan’s reaction, his gaze slipping from eye to eye nervously as he mumbles his response to Dan’s concern; “Yeah, I took some this morning, they just haven’t kicked in yet I suppose.” A lie, but a white one. “Sorry.” he whispers after several moments of silence pass, Phil’s eyes flitting back and forth between Dan’s brown ones, because for some reason this ‘I love you’ felt different to him. It wasn’t planned, but he was completely conscious, it just slipping off his tongue without second thought. Now it feels awkward and he bites his lip, apologizing again as he lets go of his grip around Dan’s shoulders and neck, backing away a few steps.

 

Dan moves forward, reaching out to pull Phil back to him. He winds his arms around the other man without warning, unexpectedly tugging him up against his chest. Dan buries his face in the crook of Phil's neck, simply holding him in his embrace for several long moments as he tries to think of a response. The words are hovering on the tip of his tongue, but they're choking him, suffocating him and pulling him under a tide of fear and anxiety. “I'll say it back soon, I promise. I do, Phil, I do. Just . . . I- I can't . . .” Dan tries to explain, voice coming out in a strained, barely audible whisper. He wants to say it back,  _ needs  _ to, but something in him is fighting against it, screaming that no one will ever truly love him and he shouldn't risk putting more weight onto Phil, only to have the other man leave him. “I can't. I will, just . . . Know that I do.” 

 

Phil nods into Dan’s shoulder, tears threatening to spill over as words are put to the thing that’s been in the back of his mind for days. Somehow this is even worse - Dan saying outright that he  _ can’t _ say it yet. Phil tries to let Dan’s words comfort him, but one question keeps running through his mind.  _ You promise you do… you do want to say it, or you do love me?  _ He knows Dan loves him. He  _ knows  _ it… because he has to… right? With all that they’ve been through… with how many times they’ve said it before they were  _ together _ … Dan can’t just not love him… right? Or could Phil be reading all this completely wrong? Could he have made a huge mistake - maybe Dan had always thought he wanted this, but when it became a reality it wasn’t what he’d hoped for, but he was sticking with it now - maybe to not hurt Phil - maybe because part of him was still clinging to some fantastical idea of what he and Phil could be as a couple, but it wasn’t who they really were. Was this all a mistake? Had Phil made a horrible, awful misjudgement, and is it possible that Dan really doesn’t love him?

 

“Why-” Dan swallows, suddenly holding back tears of his own as he cradles Phil against his chest, “Why don't we watch something? Attack on Titan or something, you can pick.” He offers, the words sounding hollow and weak, even to himself. The suggestion is a cover for something more meaningful, and they both know it. As much as it hurts him too see Phil this way- fighting off sadness, blue eyes watery -Dan can't seem to force out the words that he knows would fix everything. His chest feels tight, his throat too small as he gazes at his boyfriend's face, watching the way his cerulean eyes glaze over, porcelain features resigned.

 

“Um…” Phil’s voice cracks a bit as he speaks, and he coughs to clear his throat. “I actually… I think I’m just gonna go work on a new video for a while.” He extracts himself from Dan’s arms and stands on shaky legs. “Um… I’ll see you in a bit…” he feels like there is more to be said, but he just hesitates, looking at the clearly hurt boy in front of him before leaving and making his way to his room, falling onto the bed and burying his face in the sheets, sobs suddenly racking his body. Dan’s scent surrounds him since they slept here, and in a fit of rage that he knows is entirely unjustified, he violently strips the bed of the sheets and duvet and throws them across the room, settling back onto his bare mattress and crying into the silky texture of the top of it, biting his lip to try to muffle the sounds of his sobs. He knows he’s overreacting. He knows he’s not being fair to Dan. But a little voice in the back of his head won’t leave him alone, and it keeps telling him that he’s been wrong. He’s been wrong the whole time, and Dan doesn’t actually want to be with him. He’s just been acting - pretending so that he didn’t hurt Phil’s feelings - maybe even trying to convince himself. A loud, choked sound escapes from deep in his throat and he bites down on the mattress hard, feeling as if he’s choking from how tight his throat has become. He’s hurt, because he loves him. God, does he love that idiot brunette that his life has come to revolve around, and now that he knows the way Dan felt for so long, loving the boy he cares so much for, but having that person - that person that he cares for more than he cares for himself - not love him back.

 

The faint sound of muffled sobs are drifting from behind Phil's locked bedroom door, and Dan winces at the pained noise, finally allowing his own tears to spill over. They stream down his face, leaving salt stains on his cheeks, but that's the least of his concerns at the moment. The most important person in Dan’s life is upset because of him, and he doesn't have a way to fix it. Dropping his head into his heads, Dan lets himself slide down against the nearest wall. The handle of a kitchen cupboard is digging into his back, but he can't find it in him to mind. If anything, he welcomes the slight pain. Phil's hurting, and it's his fault, so he deserves to hurt too, right? 

 

Phil’s sobs shake his body even after there are no tears left in him to cry. His shakes finally lessen as he relaxes into the bare mattress and drifts into a restless sleep. His dreams haunt him - dreams of dying and going to his own funeral as a ghost and watching as Dan never shows. Dreams of watching Dan marry some sweet freckled girl and trying to hold in his tears. Dreaming of coming home to the flat one day, and having it be empty - all of Dan’s things removed. He sleeps… but he doesn’t rest.

 

It takes Dan hours to fall asleep. His bed feels cold, too large as he tosses and turns, sheets clinging to his body as he struggles to push them off, not wanting anything near him despite the way goosebumps are rising along his arms. When he finally manages to drift off, his dreams are dark and empty. Twisted shapes laugh at Dan and drag him down, asking him how he ever let him believe that Phil could love someone like him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan - AmberNotes  
> Phil - mollieblack

_ Why is everything so cold?  _ Dan groans, burying his face into the nearest pillow and smiling into the fabric as he catches a familiar scent on the soft material. The faint smell reminds him of warmth, something he seems to lacking at the moment. Shivering, Dan forces his eyes open, frowning when he notices the empty space in the bed beside him. “Phil?” He calls out, voice heavy with sleep. Everything comes back at once, and he gasps at the sharp sting the memories bring, a physical pain seeming to rip its way past his defenses and into his core. Dan’s heart twists in his chest, and he presses himself farther down into his mattress, trying and failing to pretend as if nothing happened the previous day.  _ Why can't I just say it? _

 

Phil wakes up slowly. He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, warring with himself in his mind. Deep down he knows Dan loves him. He knows Dan cares for him - he’s just got a tiny voice in his head that’s telling him that it’s not as a boyfriend. He doesn’t love him romantically… he just loves him as a friend. Maybe Dan’s hobby of writing fanfiction about them had made Phil such a fantasy that he’d fallen for the man in his stories, not the boy who he lives with. He can't seem to decide how to feel, so the black haired man lays there for hours, staring blankly at his ceiling with puffy eyes and a red and raw nose.

 

Dan sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. He must've slept for several hours, but exhaustion is pulling at him, and his entire body feels sore, no longer used to having nothing to constrict around. The brunette forces himself to stand up before a fresh round of tears can threaten to escape from behind the walls he tried to build up last night. Dan pauses for a moment to gaze at his reflection in his full length bedroom mirror, hating the hollow person that stares back at him in the glass. There are dark crescents hanging under his eyes, and his brown hair is a frizzy mess, but he doesn't attempt to fix his appearance before trudging downstairs, too tired to care.

 

Eventually the grumbling in Phil’s stomach is too much to ignore. He can see that it’s getting dark outside and he hasn’t eaten all day. At first he looks around the space - he can hear Dan out in the house and a childish part of him wants to avoid confrontation as long as possible, but unfortunately he doesn’t have any food stashed away in the small room. With a sigh, Phil gets up and makes his way out into the kitchen, preparing himself for an explosion.

 

At first Dan doesn't acknowledge the quiet shuffling behind him, not wanting to face the blue eyed man he knows is within reach. Eventually, though, he has to turn around to grab a box of cereal, and the sight of Phil makes him halt his actions. Dan’s boyfriend looks just as horrible as Dan feels, and the younger man fights to keep himself from crumbling and pulling Phil closer. “Are you okay?” The brunette’s voice comes out worried and hesitant, despite how nonchalant he means for it to sound. The pain is clear in Dan’s words, and he has to clear his throat to keep his voice from cracking, not wanting to make Phil feel any worse than he already does. He knows that he could fix everything in a heartbeat, but the words lodge in his throat once again, and he finds himself avoiding Phil’s eyes as he reaches for a box of cereal.

 

“I…” Phil’s voice is strained and he pauses, clearing his throat and hesitating as Dan looks away. “I’m fine.” he replies in a resigned tone, going to a drawer and pulling out a granola bar. He’s about to leave when something rushes over him. Others may call it confidence, but to him it’s a moment of weakness. Of desperation. Of not being able to take this tense silence a moment longer. “Dan… if it’s just that you’re not ready to say it, that’s fine. I’d never ask you to do something you’re not ready for. But just… you aren’t obligated to be with me... you know that, right? If you don’t like me like that, we can just be friends again. I’ll deal with my own shi… stuff with that… just please don’t act like you like me just to spare my feelings.”

 

Dan blinks at Phil, unsure of how to respond. He had prepared himself for every reaction but  _ that,  _ and now he finds himself gaping openmouthed at the man standing in front of him, shocked into silence. Dan sets his box of cereal down, not paying any attention to the way the jerky movement sends a few flakes of cereal tumbling onto the kitchen counter. “Phil, I-” Shaking his head, Dan makes a choked sound, the noise caught between a sob and a giggle, “Please tell me you know that's not it. You- You’re  _ everything  _ to me, don't you understand that? Always have been, always will be.” The last sentence comes out as a whisper, and Dan prays that Phil heard it as he opens his arms, dragging the blue eyed man into a tight hug. “‘M just scared.” He confesses, burying his face into Phil's hair, nuzzling at the dark, tousled strands. “I'm so scared.”

 

“I… I guess I just thought… if you’ve really liked me as long as you say you have… maybe you’d fallen for the idea of me, and when we got together the real me wasn’t what you wanted. I just… I don’t want you to feel like you had to be with me to spare my feelings if you’d realized this isn’t what you want.” Phil stiffens at first as Dan wraps his arms around his body, but within seconds he’s hugging back fiercely, burying his face in the soft fabric of Dan’s baggy sweater. “I know.” he whispers, tears pooling in his eyes and seeping into Dan’s clothing. “I know… me too.”

 

“I fell in- I like you because of who you are, not because of some person I made up in my mind. I like the happy, gentle, outdated, cereal-stealing dork that I met at that Manchester train station in 2009. The one that made my life worth living, even if he leaves socks everywhere and dabs in videos sometimes.” Smiling into Phil's hair, Dan keeps his boyfriend locked in his arms, relieved and happy despite the way the two of them are pressed together so tightly that it's almost painful. He wouldn't have it any other way, though. As long as Phil isn't trying to pull away, he never wants to let the dark haired man go again.

 

Phil has to press hard against Dan just to get far enough back to look up at his boyfriend’s face. He smiles through the tears, and stands on tiptoes to press a soft kiss to Dan’s lips. “Okay.” he whispers, extracting an arm to be able to wipe away his tears. “And hey! I haven’t dabbed in a long time!” he breaks down into giggles in Dan’s arms, kissing him a few more times gently, smiling through teary blue eyes at the man he loves so much, realizing how ridiculous he had been to ever doubt Dan’s feelings in the first place.

 

“You literally dabbed like, three days ago. When we were listening to Swish Swish.” Dan points out, but he's laughing, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the corner of Phil's mouth. “Do you want to do something? It can't involve leaving the house, though.” The brunette frowns at the thought of having to get dressed, giving his boyfriend a pleading look. He knows that he'll have to start working on another YouTube video soon, and that he should stop putting off doing a live show, but for now Dan just wants to spend the rest of the evening with Phil.

 

“Hey, it wasn’t for a video though!” Phil protests, trying to glare at the brown eyed man in front of him, but failing and allowing a few stuttered giggles out, punching Dan lightly in the shoulder as a last resort. “Sure…” Phil thinks for a moment, kissing Dan softly, a few short pecks with his eyes open as he contemplates what to do. “We could always be responsible adults and actually do some work…” Phil giggles as Dan pouts at him, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “But that doesn’t sound like much fun, now does it?” Phil goes back to thinking for a few more moments before his eyes go wide and a grin spreads across his features. “I know!” he nearly shouts, extracting himself from Dan’s grasp. He rushes to his room and returns with his laptop, bringing it to the lounge and opening a new incognito tab. He smiles as he hides the screen from Dan, typing ‘love dice’ into the search bar and hitting enter.

 

Dan arches his eyebrows as he boyfriend giggles, turning the screen of his laptop away from him as he types something. Despite his slight concern, Dan can't help but feel curiosity tugging at him, and he leans forward, trying to catch a glimpse of what Phil's searching for. Brown eyes widening, the younger man turns to Phil, amusement warring with doubt on his face. “Love Dice? Really? Those sites are rigged, I _swear._ ” Shaking his head at his boyfriend, Dan waits for the site to load, trying to ignore the excitement coiling in him at the thought of what he might get to do to Phil.

 

Phil waggles his eyebrows suggestively towards Dan before clicking ‘ROLL’. He makes sure Dan can’t see as he waits for them to land on something, then looks up with a giggle, trying to figure out how to make  _ ‘massage lips’ _ as sexual as possible. At first he just moves the laptop onto the coffee table, careful to leave it facing away from Dan, and leans forward to press his thumbs gently to Dan’s lips, cupping his face with the rest of Phil's fingers. He rubs Dan’s lips, trying not to laugh too hard at Dan’s look of confusion, before leaning forward on his knees and replacing his thumbs with his lips. The site said to massage his lips, they didn’t specify with what. Pulling back after a moment, he grins at Dan and hands him the laptop, revealing what the challenge had been.

 

Laughing, Dan rolls his eyes as he takes the laptop from his boyfriend. Unwilling to admit that the challenge hadn't been all that horrible, the brown eyed man stays silent as he refreshes the page, hoping that he'll be able to use whatever he gets to his advantage. He frowns at the challenge he receives, struggling to think of how to carry it out. After a moment, Dan grabs one of Phil's hands in his own, lifting the blue eyed man's hand to his mouth. He presses his lips to the pale skin of his palm, trailing soft kisses down his hand before sucking a faint mark onto the space just above his wrist. Doing his best to look seductive, Dan slowly slips Phil's index finger into his mouth, wrapping his tongue around the slender digit. He sucks on it gently, glancing at his boyfriend through thick lashes as he slides another finger into his mouth, humming softly. Eventually, he pulls back, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand and fighting off a sudden burst of laughter at Phil's expression. “Blow hands.” Dan explains, shrugging as the corners of his mouth pull up in a smile.

 

“Oh my god.” Phil half giggles, half breathes out heavily. “That was…” he looks up at Dan with a surprised glint in his eyes. “weirdly hot.” Suddenly overcome by a strange sense of confidence and a willingness to meet Dan’s level and maybe exceed it, knowing just how kinky his boyfriend is, Phil lifts his finger, slick with Dan’s saliva, to his mouth and puts it in, twirling it around his tongue before pulling it out and wiping it off on his pyjama bottoms. “My turn.” he grins, taking the laptop from Dan. When the result pops up he nearly barks a laugh out immediately, knowing just how flustered this would make him, and immensely happy that he’s the one doing this to Dan. He puts the laptop away and moves towards Dan on the couch, taking the hem of his boyfriend’s shirt in his fingers and pulling it slowly over the brunette’s head. Biting his lip, Phil trails his hands up and down Dan’s torso, circling over his shoulders and sides, cupping his ribs and then coming up to his chest. Phil gets even closer until he’s sat over Dan’s lap and their foreheads are pressed together, lips just tantalizingly centimeters apart as they breathe heavily from their mouths. Phil bites his lip as he first gently, then firmly pinches Dan’s nipples between his fingers, rolling them between the soft pads, and pulling away gently as Dan tries to connect their lips, intent on maintaining the painful teasing. When he finally pulls away he’s left satisfied with a red and flustered Dan. “Pinch nipples.” is all he says, handing the laptop back over.

 

Dan gazes at his boyfriend for a moment, jaw slack with shock. Silently thanking the universe that his nipples aren't as sensitive as Phil's, Dan struggles to shake himself out of the daze he's fallen into as he rolls the dice again. He holds his breath as he waits for the results to appear, gnawing at his lower lip in an intoxicating mixture of adrenaline and curiosity. Dan has to clap a hand over his mouth as he reads the page, double checking the words as he stifles a relieved sigh.  _ Praise the fucking lord that's not me.  _ Expression quickly melting into a smirk, Dan shifts forward, gently pushing Phil down against the couch. He hovers over the other man, lips just barely brushing his porcelain neck. Dan slowly drags his tongue down the pale skin, occasionally pausing to suck at a certain spot or graze it with his teeth whenever he feels Phil shudder underneath him. He spends another few seconds using his tongue to tease at Phil's throat, lapping at the delicate skin one last time before scooting off of the other man. “Blow neck.” Grinning, dimples caving into his cheeks at the realization of how lucky he got, Dan pushes the laptop back towards Phil.

 

As Dan pushes Phil back against the couch, Phil smiles and wraps his hands around his boyfriend’s bare torso, feeling every inch of the warm, soft skin with his fingers. He’s memorized all the little moles and bumps on Dan’s back and he traces over them, connecting them like stars as he gasps at the movements Dan’s mouth is making against his neck. When his boyfriend finally pulls away Phil grins and shoves him playfully, taking the laptop. Phil’s eyes go wide at his result and he frowns, trying to think of any way to make this sexual. He thinks for several moments before leaning in close, bringing his lips just half an inch from the base of Dan’s neck, breathing warm air over the expanse of skin. He continues like this, nearly brushing the skin as he travels up Dan’s neck several times but never making actual contact before he reaches the soft earlobe, taking it within his teeth. He bites gently and pulls away, scraping Dan’s lobe with his teeth, then returning to do the same over the edge of his ear. Finally he pulls away, a bit disappointed with himself and shrugs, giving up. With one last giggle, he reaches in and scratches and scrambles at Dan’s ear with his fingernails, chuckling at his boyfriend as he flinches away. “Scratch ears? I don’t know, let’s just move to the next.” he sighs, handing Dan the game.

 

Dan's eyes flutter shut as he feels warm breath drifting over the sensitive skin of his neck, fighting the urge to press into the feeling. He holds his breath, forcing himself to hold still as warm air continues to fan out across his throat. When Dan feels teeth nibbling at his ear, though, his eyes snap open in surprise. Unsure of what to think of the feeling, he remains silent, only making noise when Phil scratches at his ear. “Ow!” Dan complains, but he's giggling as he takes the laptop away from Phil. His smile falls from his face as he reads the website, though, mind blank as he tries to come up with a way to complete the challenge. Finally, Dan leans forward hesitantly, using his body to trap Phil up against the couch. Straddling the dark haired man, he gazes into Phil's eyes as he trails the pads of his fingers down his boyfriend's arms. Dan gently digs his nails into the soft skin, leaving shallow, crescent shaped marks. He shrugs as he pulls back, mocha eyes unreadable. “Scratch arms. Your turn.” Hoping that Phil will get something more interesting, he hands the laptop back to the other man, expression neutral.

 

Phil shivers as Dan runs his nails down his arms, the light but sharp contact surprisingly effective as it sends jolts through his body. “Okay.” he murmurs, sitting up and taking the laptop, trying not to give away the fact that he’d really enjoyed that just now. His eyes perk up as he sees his challenge, giggling softly - because now marked twice that he’d gotten lucky. Grinning at his already shirtless boyfriend, Phil pulls him down on the couch so he’s horizontal, climbing over his boyfriend and coming down to kiss at the hollow of his neck between his collarbones. Humming in appreciation of his boyfriend’s body as his hands massage Dan’s biceps, Phil moves down until he reaches Dan’s nipple, and goddammit he doesn’t care if Dan’s aren’t as sensitive as his, he’s going to  _ make  _ Dan understand why this affects him so much. Taking a nipple gently between his teeth, he scrapes along the edges of it, humming to create vibrations as he continues to massage Dan’s arms, trying to enhance the sensation as much as possible. He continues to move up and down, grazing the nub with his teeth before he adds his tongue into the mixture, swirling and lapping, still humming and then sucking hard, licking roughly at the nub between his lips, moaning into Dan’s chest and sending waves of heavy vibrations through him, reaching down to gently palm at Dan’s crotch with one hand. He continues for nearly a minute before finally pulling off with one last wet kiss, then coming up to press his lips to Dan’s mouth, beaming at the way he can see he’s affected his boyfriend. “Suck nipples.” he breathes. “Your turn.” he whispers in Dan’s ear, crawling off the half-hard man underneath him and trying to calm the butterflies fluttering about in his chest at his accomplishment.

 

Dan has to raise a hand to his mouth as he feels Phil suck one of his nipples into his mouth, biting at his fingers in a weak attempt to muffle a groan. When Phil reaches down to cup his crotch, though, long fingers teasing and rubbing at the growing bulge there, Dan can't stop a desperate noise from tumbling out of his mouth. The soft friction against his half hard cock, coupled with the sensation of Phil licking and sucking at his nipple, makes Dan hiss out a frustrated breath. He whines quietly when his boyfriend moves away, hips unconsciously lifting off of the couch as he tries to chase after the friction. Dan sighs as the contact disappears, taking the laptop back from Phil with a dejected look directed at the blue eyed man. His expression turns sour as he reads his next challenge, lips twitching downwards in a frown.  _ This website hates me.  _ Biting at the inside of his cheeks, Dan hesitates.  _ Oh well, might as well go for it. Maybe I'll get lucky and this will be one of his kinks or something.  _ Deciding he’s better off diving into this one, Dan shoves Phil down without warning, the action careful but surprisingly rough. His eyes trail down his boyfriend's body as he pins him against the couch. Smirking, Dan’s fingers play with the hem of Phil's shirt, and he pulls the article of clothing off at an agonizingly slow pace. Dropping the shirt off of the edge of the couch, Dan moves forward, fingers dancing along the skin of Phil's chest as he moves lower. He stretches his hands out, starting at the blue eyed man’s nipples as he drags his nails down his torso, scratching at the sensitive nubs before ducking his head to Phil's stomach. His mouth brushes over the soft skin of the other man’s stomach, teeth grazing over the pale expanse. Dan takes his time, biting at his boyfriend's stomach and scratching at the skin there, hard enough to leave red trails from his nipples to the top of his jeans. Finally feeling satisfied with his work, Dan sits upright, moving off of Phil. “Scratch stomach.” He shrugs, but there's a smile on his face as he pulls back, dark eyes taunting as he hands Phil the laptop.

 

Phil gasps as Dan makes contact with his nipples, his hips automatically jolting up in response to the contact, eyes squeezing shut. When Dan goes to pull away, Phil shakes his head forcefully and moves the laptop back to the table, taking Dan’s face between his hands and pulling the brunette on top of him, kissing him roughly as Phil’s hands grasp desperately into the soft skin of his back, nails digging in roughly. The kiss rises in heat but then begins to diminish as Phil allows himself to cool down, and eventually he sits back up, gently moving Dan with him and grabbing the laptop back. “Alright.” he murmurs, shaking his head to focus once more on the game. The minute he thinks he's focused again, his mind levelling out, it suddenly seems to fall out of his body completely as he gapes at the words in front of him. How… what… he was supposed to do  _ what? _ For a moment Phil’s mind goes into overdrive, panicking, before he calms himself and realizes he has two options. One; he can wimp out and take the easy way out… but this one opened itself up too well to not be tempted by. Two; he can take a risk and try something entirely new to him. Gathering his courage, Phil takes a deep breath and turns to Dan, curious interest showing in his gaze. Slowly - carefully - Phil moves towards Dan, running his fingertips beneath the waistband of Dan’s pyjama bottoms and making cautious eye contact as he begins pulling them down. When Dan goes along with it, Phil removes the item of clothing, following with Dan’s boxers, a shy smile covering his face at Dan’s obviously dumbfounded expression. With gentle hands, Phil takes Dan’s waist in his grasp and positions his boyfriend on his stomach on the couch. “Uh… can you um… on your hands and knees?” Phil asks shyly, giggling a bit at the entire situation as well as Dan’s clear surprise and nervous anticipation as to where this might be headed

 

Eyebrows pulling together in confusion, Dan nods, not trusting himself to say anything. Sudden nerves are making his stomach churn, and he takes a deep breath as he turns over, fingers reaching out to grasp at the fabric of the couch as he holds himself up on his hands and knees.  _ It's just Phil.  _ The thought helps Dan relax, and he lets out a soft sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as he prepares for whatever’s about to happen.  _ Only with you, Phil.  _ Dan holds perfectly still, doing his best to shove down the anxious tension growing in him with every passing second of silence.

 

Phil draws in a deep breath, taking a moment to gape at the sight before him on the couch. Dan’s backside is up in the air in front of him, and he certainly hadn’t expected that this was where the night would take them. But he shoves his doubts aside as he gently comes down, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Dan’s right thigh. He pauses, gauging Dan’s reaction, and when he’s not kicked away he moves to the other thigh, kissing and sucking gently, allowing a few spots to darken under more forceful pressure before he pulls away. Gathering his courage, Phil finally begins to make his way up until his lips are on the center of Dan’s cheek, sucking a dark bruise into the large expanse of flesh. He continues to alternate between the two, gradually getting closer and closer to the center, breathing heavily as he uses his nails to scrape down the backs of Dan’s thighs. His breathing shaky, but spurred on a bit by Dan’s soft whimpers, Phil makes his way up and to the small of Dan’s back, brushing a light kiss there. “Is this okay? Do you want this?” he breathes, and at a nearly shouted ‘YES!’, Phil smiles and lets out a huff of air in a short laugh, making his way slowly back down. When he reaches to top of Dan’s crack he doesn’t go around the side this time, instead bringing a hand up to pull Dan’s cheek to the side, giving him room to gently nose his way into the warm cushion of skin against skin, kissing gently. He steels himself - knowing it’s not going to taste good, and allows himself to start planting wetter, warmer kisses along Dan’s edges, even daring to lick here and there, humming in satisfaction as Dan moves against him and moans, spurring Phil on. He breathes through his mouth and licks with more fervor - palming himself with his free hand, letting himself get lost in the pleasure that makes the discomfort of the smell and taste something that’s easily forgotten. “Okay.” Phil murmurs against the edge of Dan’s puckered hole, mostly just talking to himself to build his confidence. “I’m gonna do this.” when he hears a whimpered ‘please’ it’s all he needs, and his tongue pushes its way into Dan. At first it’s met with resistance and he almost gives up, but then he doubles his efforts and presses his face farther into Dan’s ass, his nose getting smushed against the skin there until his tongue finally passes the barrier and slips inside. For a moment Phil’s eyes scrunch up and he has to resist the urge to gag - the taste certainly not something anyone could ever prepare for, especially never having done this before, but he takes a deep breath and palms himself more forcefully, focusing on the noises Dan is making. He smiles when he’s able to overcome the discomfort, beginning to move his tongue in and out, lapping around the edges of Dan’s walls. If he doesn’t think about  _ why _ the taste is beginning to go away, he’s able to enjoy the fact that it’s slowly disappearing and Phil hums as he works his way as deep as he can inside of Dan. 

 

Dan sighs in contentment as he feels Phil biting at his thighs, a shiver running down his spine. That's nothing compared to what comes next, though. When Phil's tongue glides over Dan’s entrance, pressing into him and hesitantly licking at his walls, the younger man moans, barely able to keep himself from falling against the couch. In a matter of seconds he's shuddering, making high pitched whining noises as he resists the urge to shift backwards and force Phil's tongue farther inside of himself. Once the other man starts dragging his tongue in and out of Dan, though, the brunette can't stop his hips from rocking back, a stream of curses falling out of his mouth at the feeling. “Don't stop.” He pleads, eyes shut tight as he lets himself get lost in the sensation of Phil fucking him open with his tongue.

 

Phil hums, unable to respond in any other way as he continues thrusting his tongue in and out, thankful suddenly for the strangely long and pointy tongue he’s always had. He smiles softly as he removes his hand from his own crotch, wrapping it around Dan’s body to take ahold of his boyfriend’s naked cock, thrusting it up and down with the motions of his tongue, timing them in a steady rhythm as he breaths heavily into Dan’s crack, moaning softly. In all his life he never imagined that he’d be the one in this position, but he’s enjoying himself right now, so he pushes aside the hesitancies he has towards taking charge in this way and continues to move quickly, shoving Dan to the edge.

 

Pressure is coiling in Dan's stomach, heat flooding through him from the inside out. His toes are curling, his whole body tensing as Phil continues to work at his entrance, his hand now tugging at Dan’s cock. He knows that he's not going to last much longer, and he tries to tell Phil as much, but all that comes out is a desperate, choked whimper, and then his orgasm is washing over him. Dan comes over Phil's hand, his hole clenching around the older man’s tongue as his cum drips down onto the couch. Shaking with the force of his orgasm, Dan whimpers as Phil continues to lick at his walls, the overstimulation borderline painful, yet the brunette doesn't make an effort to pull away.

 

Phil smiles, pulling his tongue back gently. He frowns and picks up Dan’s discarded pyjama bottoms, wiping his tongue off roughly, trying to get the lingering taste to go away. Feeling guilty for leaving, but suddenly unable to focus on anything else, Phil stands quickly and makes his way to the kitchen. He swishes water around in his mouth and spits it out, then takes a long drink of ribena, effectively removing the last bits of lingering flavor from his mouth, returning to a blissed out Dan on the couch. He makes his way to his boyfriend’s side and kisses his shoulder blade lightly, smiling at the sweaty soft man below him. “You alright?” he whispers, knowing full well what he’s just done to Dan, and feeling quite proud of himself to be honest.

 

Dan shakes his head, giggling softly. “No. I'm much more than alright.” A deep sense of exhaustion is rapidly settling over him, and his thoughts are still hazy with pleasure, but something is nagging at the back of his mind. Dan's eyebrows pull together as he tries to think of what it is, and when he does he struggles to sit upright, giving Phil a guilty look. “Do you want me to do something to help you?” He offers, mocha eyes tired but content. His thoughts are clouded with bliss, exhaustion pulling at him and telling him to rest, but he can't. Not if Phil needs him.

 

“That’s alright.” Phil promises, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s lips. “I’m really fine.” he had been so focused on not doing anything wrong that Phil hadn’t even gotten past half mast, and it’s fading quickly already. “Let’s just go to bed.” At a sleepy nod from Dan, Phil helps him to his feet and goes upstairs to Dan’s room, collapsing in their bed. He wraps the brunette in his arms and kisses him gently, smiling into the soft lips and half lidded eyes that gaze back sleepily. “I love you.” he whispers softly. “You don’t have to say it back. But I love you.”

 

“Thank you.” Dan murmurs, wrapping his legs over Phil's and burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Hey, what was your last challenge?” He questions, voice muffled into Phil's neck, his lips tickling the soft skin there. 

 

Phil giggles in embarrassment, hiding his face in Dan’s floppy mess of hair. “Suck bum.” he whispers with a giggle, shaking his head into Dan’s hair and tightening his arms around his boyfriend, drifting into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when we did this we literally pulled up the 'love dice' website and just rolled and went with it. Neither of planned on it taking the turn it did (and neither of us had ever written this), but it happened and tbh it was hilarious xD (You guys should have seen - I didn't even tell Amber what I had rolled when I got 'Suck Bum' so I just told her it was great and she had to figure it out as we went) xD  
> -MB
> 
> Yup. She wouldn't tell me a thing, and then all of a sudden Phil was saying "oN yEr KnEeS" and I was wondering if the character I was writing was about to be murdered. -AN


	19. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation of why the fic had to end now

Alright everyone, Mollie here. 

I am so sorry to have to say this, but this fic will be left unfinished.

AmberNotes, for family reasons, has had to leave A03, and can no longer write. This story was so incredible to get to create with her and I had so much fun writing with her and getting to form a friendship, but at least for now, we won't be hearing from her for a while. Of course there's always a possibility that she'll make her way back, but it's unlikely and even if she does it probably won't be for a very, very long time. 

So we leave you here and I'm so sorry you didn't get an ending... who knows maybe one day I'll write one and post it just to wrap this story up for all of you, but I'll need to take some time to figure out if I can really do it right and give justice to her writing and part in the creation of this story. 

I want to tell you all that Amber loves you all so much and she's been so appreciative of all of you who have stuck with us. We both love you all so much, and we're so sorry to have to leave you here. 

And to Amber, if you're out there somewhere reading this, I love you and you've been such a wonderful friend, and I hope some day I'll get to talk to you again. 

But for now, this is the end of this story. 

I'll see those of you who read my other stories as soon as I can finish a new chapter (I'm very busy right now - it may be a bit before I can).

Thank you and from both Amber and I, we love you <3

 

fin

 


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